HER FIVE CENTS

Cole gave me a planner about two years ago for my birthday. The cover is faux pleather gray and features rose gold embossing of a crescent moon with rays coming from the top and some constellations underneath, also embossed in rose gold. It's spiral-bound.  It's also undated. This goes great with my inconsistency in using a planner which I've always wanted to be different. I used to think I hated undated planners but I was wrong about that and turns out, lots of other things too. Ha. Anyway, I found this page in that planner dated (via the opposite page) May 2022 and it made me laugh and almost cry. I did those things, y'all. I did them all. 

I can't wait to tell you more about all that but it won't be today. It was that month (May) I showed up solo to ecstatic dance in the park in Manitou Springs and met some stellar humans who also introduced me to the drum circle that would forever change mi vida (my life). 

Well there isn't one yet because we are living in between homes.



This is how the Elf looked my entire childhood

BUT! I have one.
First I'd like to preface this post saying this is a rebuttal for the somewhat viral post on how awful elves on the shelf are. If you aren't Mormon, then you are less likely to have read it. But you can because it has nothing to do with the church. And she is a hilarious writer. It's worth a read. Anyway, you can read it or you can not read it. It doesn't really have anything to do with my thoughts except towards the end where some of my complete bewilderment in the form of rage comes out.

The story goes something like this:

Remember how last year the hype started with the elves on the shelves? I remember seeing pictures all over the interwebs, mostly on Facebook, with pictures of naughty elves doing crazy things! I loved seeing the pictures. It made my smile and then frown because I didn't have one. I was a little jealous.

SO! I got one.

It was an after-Christmas special at Hastings.  Because it was no longer the season for the elf, I put him away on a shelf in a box. I still haven't opened it.

And I've never read the book. And probably never will.

But we will participate in elf happiness. Because it's meant to be fun!

As a child I remember an elf being a part of our holiday décor. It was probably an original because he was old and frayed and still creepy as ever. I always thought he was an ugly little bugger. And I wondered what he was doing. He looked so out of place what with his crazy eyes. BUT he was there every year. And I believe I even saw him last year at my moms house in her entertainment center. She never read us the book though, we were not persuaded to be good because of the elf. He didn't shred toilet paper, or spill milk or do other such things. He was there as a decoration and now as an adult, I'm sure for nostalgia on the part of my mom, and for me too.

Therefore, I am going to implement an elf in our house. We don't have many traditions yet and I think this will be a fun one. I am way too lazy to even create a board on Pinterest dedicated to elf ideas but I might move him around from time to time. And I might even use him as an excuse to get my kids to behave better.

About that. You're telling me you've NEVER used the "Santa will bring you coal if you don't behave?" If you haven't, then maybe you're the bad parent as the author so slyly accused us of. You're not doing your job, if you don't use Christmas/Jesus/Hanukah as a reason for your kids to behave during this holiday season. There I said it. And I'm joking. But it kind of sounds legit right?

Because if you don't then you're just giving kids crap for being what? Being alive? Yeah right. Christmas is TOTALLY a time to get the best behaviour out of your kids when the rest of year there's nothing else to hang over their heads. Hahahaha. I totally hate myself for saying that. And I don't believe it. But I do think this is a special time of year specifically for the reason that kids seem to have good manners and do good deeds because even if you aren't inundating them with threats of Santa not coming, the rest of the world is. You're kid gets asked all the time if he or she is being good. It's happening to them at school, and at the grocery store and at Church.

According to the author, here are some logical tidbits about the Elf on the Shelf

What does this teach kids?

• It teaches them that there is an authority outside of parents and the Lord over the home.
• It teaches them that we behave for extrinsic reasons.
• It teaches them that good behavior is a commodity to bargain with.
• Kids learn that the Elf may be naughty but expects goodness.
• Not unimportantly, it follows up the dreadful message from Twitlight that it is perfectly acceptable for some creature to come to your house and watch you sleep if they claim that it is for your benefit.
• It teaches children that some unseen bad behavior has no negative impact.
• It teaches them that there must be ever-escalating entertainment and novelty.
• And scariest of all, it teaches children that parents are so unsure of themselves that they must employ a little leverage.

I'm not prepared at this time to go into how much I REALLY disagree with all of those statements. Except for the Twilight one. That's super funny. But I'd like to know what you think. So please share.

I hope you've read the article  by now. Because this is where I'm totally baffled and I'd  like to refute a few of the articles other statements. Well first she says, "Be the magic yourself."

I'd like to use this in favor of doing an elf on the shelf if you have one. The Elf is a totally easy and lazy way to create magic at your house.

And then there's this statement, "The minutes you would have spent on a prank are so much better spent with your child." And then she lists some really great ideas for using those minutes. The thing is though, I'm pretty sure the Elf does his business when the kids are asleep. Otherwise, what's the point? And I'm pretty sure I don't want my kids up at 10 o'clock catching snowflakes or drinking liquid sugar.

I'm not encouraging you moms and dads to add more to your plate, but I am encouraging you to think outside the box. You don't have to do cray cray things with the elf. Maybe you could implement alternative ideas for the Elf on the Shelf.





These are all completely non-elf related. Which is totally a possibility! I think I might incorporate some of these with the elf. Possible!
 Or if you need a good reason to tell your kids why there's no Elf, you could tell this story. Pretty hilarious.

Anyway, this is the end of me on my soapbox. I know that I am but one, and this is one's opinion. Please share yours too!

Sitting face to face with my friend talking about suicide really brought a damper to my night. Firstly because I'm struggling with depression myself and secondly because I really care about this girl.

She told me she had made up her mind. That there was no changing it. She's not forthcoming about anything so of course I had to drag it out of her. I asked her what she had made her mind up about... that she wasn't going to cut anymore, that she was going to stop NOT eating, that she was going to try and get help?  I went through a bunch of possible scenarios. But it was the suicide guess that caught her/my attention.

I reminded her of a conversation we had last week. We sat in my van one night. She was in the drivers seat. I was in the passengers. We talked about how she had come to recognize that she did indeed have a problem and it was not something she could control. It was a pivotal moment. She was finally able to step outside the situation and look in on what was happening. I told her I wanted to remember this moment because surely she would need it sometime soon.

Well tonight is the night. And I reminded her and she said something I believe those of us with mental illness can totally relate to, and that is, "But I'm so tired." YES! That! I'm so tired too. Tired of being tired in so many ways. Mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.

Anyway, I sat there and cried in front of her. So many tears fell down my cheeks because I couldn't bear the thought of her killing herself. I was so angry really. Well sadness in the form of anger. Sad that she would do it and not think of the consequences it would bring to those around her.  It was soon after that Jackson walked in and called her by name and said, "Will you come lay with me?"

I GET depression. As in, I totally understand it. I've struggled with it for many years. There's that wonderful article floating around titled, "Mothering with Mental Illness". It's TOTALLY worth the read. I think it pertains not only to mothers, but anyone really. Please go read it. For my sake.

My message tonight is one of reprimand and also love. I want to put out a reminder that mental illness doesn't just affect you, it affects everyone around you. I'm saying this as much to myself as anyone else. It's sometimes a daily struggle for me. Then I sit back and remember that I have 3 beautiful babies that suffer from my depression if I don't do anything about it. Let's each take the time to practice self-love and do something for ourselves to make it better. There are so many resources available. If you need some, let me know. As Olivia (the author of that lovely article above) stated, "... there is a stigma about mental illness. A stigma that shouldn’t exist. It shouldn’t exist because people with mental illness did nothing wrong. It shouldn’t exist because people with mental illness should be encouraged to seek help." I echo those words. I agree with them.

And like she said, you are not alone because you know about her, and now you know about me too. There's at least 2 people on your side. :-)

***this post was written back on August 6th of last year (2012). I decided to "finish" it today.***

This is pretty much the biggest day of my his life so far. And I hate it. Officially. I was pretty much cranky all day long.

Aug 6th, 2012

2012

The Nev woke me up at 4:30 and at that time I had almost convinced myself he wasn't going to go to kindergarten at all. Like it just wasn't going to happen.

I really like him. I really enjoy this kid. He's super great. So I am sad that he wants to go to school. I hate it actually. Ugh.

2012

His teacher is wonderful. I'm sure it's going to be awesome. But right now i just wanna die and cry inside. I almost can't even talk about it.

We were leaving the driveway and I kept saying to him that I didn't want him to grow up. That I wanted him to be little forever. And he says to me, "Mom, I can't stop having birthdays. Only Jesus Christ has the power to stop birthdays." lol lol! I was like. Hmmm... true statement.

He was also super mad that I didn't let him take the bus this morning. He wanted to ride it so bad. So I told him he could ride it on the way home. He was satisfied with that.

This blog is not saving. I hate my interweb right now. Hate. it.

I kind of hate everyone and everything. It's weird. I haven't had this feeling in a lonnnnngggg time. I've been kind of really happy lately but today I've felt extra rageful. I want to go to movies all day long. Sit in front of a screen and let it feed my brain.

09/17/13

As I look back on that post, I kind of wish I had went with my gut and not put him in school at all. And we ended up pulling him out anyway like 10 days before school was out because of stoopid politics. But whatev. His teacher was freakin' awesome and if she would have stayed at the school, WE might have stayed.  But you know how it is. There is all of these guilt feelings associated with homeschooling, at least for me, because it ISN'T the norm. It's a little uncomfortable for me still to say that I'm homeschooling. I'm not confident yet. It's almost that I'm ashamed and I hate that! It's especially hard because I am actually unschooling. I don't have a curriculum, we don't always do school, and it's all brand new territory!

Aug 2013

Aug 2013

Aug 2013

 I can't wait for the day where I will say with pride that I am a homeschooler. I can't wait for the day when I will look at other moms who homeschool and not feel this terrible punch in the gut every time I see a post about their awesome mommy skills, how they made 6! weeks! of! lesson! plans! bleh.

Until that time, I'll just brag about all of the awesome things I have done! Today for example, a group of us early education moms went to the Collier Family Farm and had a tour. A personal one. I felt so lucky. Because the tour guide was a good friend and because I set it up. lol. I'm so amazing. Just kidding. It was a good time though. I hope (I think) the kids had fun!

We got to pick the squash up from the ground

Fill the wagon

And feed the pig!

Can you believe I made that? I sure can't. Don't tell anyone either. I'm super embarrassed i'm even posting this. But please tell me how yours turns out. Text me!

I joined a blog link up. It's over there ---->

So I'm committed to 3 posts per week. This is beneficial to me personally, because I don't want to forget stuff! And I have many a good idea.

Remember how I've been back and forth about who I want to target as my audience? And what I want my blog to be about? I'm decidedly going with... whatever I want. It's official.

Because I've started this new journey to homeschooling, I'm probably gonna post about that.

I also sometimes pretend to be crafty. So I post about that.

SOMETIMES I cook. (that's rare).

Sometimes I rant. Okay, a lot.

And sometimes I talk about my kids/husband/chickens

And then there's... oh man. It really is a buffet of goodness over here on this blog.

I made a Facebook page for myself. I'm really self conscious about it. I don't regret it though. I hope you "like" it. Get it?

I need someone from my blog linkup thing to help me with my blog design. It's bad.

Until later, farewell! 

You know that recipe that's going around that looks soooooo super good? The one of the baked chimichangas?

WELL! I made them. I made them my way. lol.

It's a cell phone pic. Stop judging

The Facebook Baked Chicken Chimichangas


8oz pkg. cream cheese
8oz. Pepperjack cheese, shredded
1 1/2 Tbsp. taco seasoning (homemade! I got my recipe from here)

lb. cooked chicken, shredded (I boiled mine in a veggie happiness broth. And I used farm raised chicken.)
4 flour tortillas (large ones)
cooking spray
shredded sharp cheese
green onions, for garnish
sour cream

tomatoes

lettuce
 

Stir together cream cheese, Pepperjack cheese, taco seasoning and chicken. Mash that stuff up! Mmmm...

Divide among flour tortillas.
Tuck in sides, and roll up each tortilla, like you see them do at Chipotle. Stuff those babies.
Lay seam side down in a sprayed 9x13" baking dish.
Spray tops of tortillas with cooking spray.
Bake at 350 for 15 minutes.
Turn chimi's over, and bake an additional 15 minutes.
Serve with cheddar cheese, green onions, sour cream, tomato and lettuce. Only add salsa if you want to take away from the deliciousness that is these chimichangas.

Wah-Lah! Do it tonight. (As in, cook these. And do "IT"if you want to. wink wink)

Except not on white paper. It doesn't show up real good. I bought individual Sharpies at Staples. I'm talking, not-in-a-pack, kind. What's up. I'm fancy I guess. I have blue and gold and silver. They happen to be David's school colors. And it happens to be around the time that he is graduating. Hmmmmm......

Here's the sitch. I'm not 18 but I like to abbreviate like I am.

So I'm totes gonna brag.

Or just post random things about my kids so in 10 years I can be like, remember when.... all emo style.

So the other day I was outside with Jackson and Sadie and Nevie. I had Nevie literally tied into the swing with a pair of suspenders (parent of the year award?).  It works because it's one of those Little Tyke swings but the straps have broken on it. It's in good condition otherwise. hahaha.

Ok so, Sadie's on the other swing, on her belly, just going back and forth until I hear a big thud. Yup. She somehow managed to land square on her face. In the dirt. She was bleeding a lot. I rushed her inside and left Jackson to tend (who says that anymore?) to Nevie. He was all getting impatient wanting to go to the neighbors house. I was panicking myself cause I wasn't sure if Sadie had broken her nose or what. It was not cool. It reminded me of that time when David was in China and I broke my foot. Like, what am I supposed to do now?

Anyway, she's okay for now. Minus the scabs on her nose and upper lip and chin, and cheek and... well, you get the picture.

literally here's a picture. This was right after it happened.

It makes me so sad. Poor girl.

Anyway, in other news, we're completely broke again. Which means we don't have trash bags or paper towels (which aren't a necessity I know!). We were out of diapers until a magic little angel bought us some. I'm thankful.

I wonder what it will be like to have a normal amount of money. To have a regular paycheck. I keep wondering if I will miss these days. I'm sure I will.

Speaking of these days...I'm totally nervous for the future. I'm excited too, but I'm scared! It's weird. I've just been so comfortable these last few years. I don't know what's next and that makes me feel anxious. I know it will be good though. And have I already written about that? Sorry if I have.


I never get enough pictures of Jackson. It's probably because he is always on the move. Just like in the picture above. That was sock day. lol. They had fun. I did too. I always feel like a successful parent when my kids/husband have socks. It's been awhile.

Anyway, on the crafty side of things, I thought I'd show off these blocks we just finished the other day. They were part of a Super Saturday that happened in October of last year but eh, I just got around to them. I wish I had your pictures Brigitte to show what you first did, and then what you secondly did. Anyway, they were originally going to be brown and cream and orange for Thanksgiving time, but I was like, hey, I wanna do these a different color. I asked that same Brigitte if she thought that would be done and it's stuck in my head what she said and that was, "Do you only give thanks at Thanksgiving?" Point taken. :-) I let my kids help. It was fun. For them. ;-)

I don't know if I'll leave them there, or move them to a different spot. But there you go! Thanks Candice for the vinyl and the idea. I can in no way take credit for that. I wish she had a site or something so I could direct you to her. She's good. Here's her Pinterest site if you can see it. You can stalk her there. Or contact her if you want vinyl lettering. She does it as a business.

I've got a business. Wink wink. lol.

Someday I do want to own my own business. It's gonna be hard to decide which one I want to do. Hmm...

It's officially early in the morning. Or really late at night. Depends on how you look at it. Is the glass half empty or half full? What have you been up to lately? Spring cleaning?  I wish you would actually comment back. I want to feel popular. lol.

A friend texted me and asked if I was wearing pants to church on sunday. My response? Should I? She then told me about this whole feminist movement happening on December 16th. Since this blog is titled "Her Five Cents". I'm gonna give it to you.

It's lame ladies. And gents. Well okay. That's the sum of my opinion. However, I completely understand and would like to validate any who feel the opposite of me. I do not, however, need to wear pants as an outward expression of my inner feminist.

I'd like to quote my husband after I told him about a comment on a blog I read about how a $300 pantsuit is much nicer than an jean skirt and flip flops and an ugly shirt. He said he totally agrees but that, "trying to affect change in the church is like trying to change the laws of the universe. It's like saying 'I don't like gravity.'... If He needs change in the church, he does it through his prophet."

The women who will be wearing pants to church on Sunday as a statement are going to be the women who aren't comfortable enough with themselves. Don't get me wrong, I've fought this battle a million times in some form or another (priesthood, men, men, men). But this is one I'm not gonna fight. I'm kind of over it. There are several things I'd like to bring it up to God someday and I will get the chance I'm sure.

In the Handbook of Church guidelines or whatever, it doesn't say what a woman should or shouldn't wear. In fact, there's a woman who comes to our congreation on a regular basis in pants. And guess what? No one cares. Not even a little.

What matters is what's in  the heart of the person wearing the stuff. God knows us so well and I'm gonna go ahead and tell you a little secret, He doesn't care what we/you/I wear. I know. Can you believe it? He just cares that we go.

But if you're gonna wear pants, make sure they're not white. It's after Labor Day.

Also, I wanna hear what you have to say! Tell me. 

That was my own Google search. I got the wrong information. It's a lot easier than you think. Therefore I'm making this post so you too, can transfer your music easily (without downloading unneccesary programs or apps!)

These are the steps I took.

1) Connected my phone to my computer via the mini USB cable.

2) Opened up "Computer" and found the folder where my music is stored (MusicDownload). So I went to Computer > SCH-I535 > Card > MusicDownload.

3) Opened up another window and found my iTunes music. My Computer > Music> iTunes> iTunes Media > Music.  Do NOT try and transfer music via iTunes. It will not work.

4) Drag and Drop! You'll have to adjust your window size so you can see both at the same time.

5) My computer asks me if I'd like to "convert and copy". I say yes. Because it warns me that if I don't, it might not be able to play on my device.



I hope this works for you! Keep in mind this may not work for everyone! I do not claim to be an expert by any means. I have a Galaxy s3 and didn't want to download all these programs that many sites claim you have to have in order to make your songs work. Also, I have a laptop with Windows 7 on it and I think that might have something to do with being able to have the songs automatically converted to the form they need to be in. Wow. I sound super technologically knowledgeable huh?

Good luck! Let me know if you know of another way!

Sometimes when I read something on the F-book or on da blogs, I get this burning in my heart to go an a rampage. It could also be the hunger in my belly. But whatever.

Then there's some blogs I just.can't.read. People post their opinion of stuff without realizing who their audience is. Now listen, I am NOT all about censoring but I think as a normal, functioning human being it is our job to be aware of our audience.  It doesn't always change things, but it maybe helps put thoughts/words into perspective.

I think this might be a little controversial. Because most of us write the way we write on purpose without care of offending. I only hope I can get to that point. But right now I still don't say the eff word the way I'd like to because I know that all my church peeps read this blog. It bugs. But these posts I read? They say things like, "I am right and better than you because I dress my kids well." No really. It's pretty much crap like that. I don't think I'd ever do that (even though  I am better than you because my husband and I try to match on Sundays. lol lol lol. Joke).

I've said it before and I'll probably say it a million more times. I have this intense desire to write something beautiful. Not something disconnected and raw and uncombined. But something that flows and is descriptive. I have a couple people that I am lucky enough to know who write things so amazingly. One is here. Another can be found here. And another? Right here. And I know these people. Well I used to know them in real life and now I only know them through their writing which makes me lucky and them, well, great writers (and great people).

Maybe if I spent more time analyzing my choice of words or using Shift F7 or actually thinking about the words I'm writing I might get something beautiful out of these posts.

Maybe I could talk about something actually beautful. Like a blue sky or raindrops or the beach or a sunset or my kids faces when they sleep. Maybe then I would have a beautiful blog post.

What makes a post so wonderful? I would venture to say it's the choice of descriptive words but you know what? It's not even that. It's the way certain people write. It's like their words melt in your mouth.  Or like reading a published book. I love that. It makes me feel fancy.

Until I get there, I'll just keep writing. My way. :-)

Oh, and watch this video. Or listen to the song if you haven't heard it. It's not Eminem. Don't worry. :)
It's by NeedtoBreathe

Sometimes.... (this is a secret coming out).... I skip through peoples blogs if there are Soooooo many pictures. I can only take 70 pictures of your daughters missing front tooth.

Am I rood for saying that? Maybe it's because I am jealous because I never post any pictures here. Which is weird because we had a family activity last night and I totally posted pictures last night, after it happened, that same night, on our Nickle family blog. Too bad it's secret because i can't even prove to you that it's true.

Why am I so bad at it? I think it might be that I am afraid people will judge me if my pictures aren't "perfect" so to say. I feel like they have to be the "right" ones or people will think I'm a crappy person or something lol.

Also, the keyboard I am using is sticking and I am soooo irritated about it.

Also, i am working on Jacobs Senior pictures that we took like 2 months ago. don't worry, if you ever want us to take your pictures, I promise I won't take that long. Unless you are family. lol. Sorry Steph and Jacob and anyoen else we've done that to!

do you see all those mistakes above? I don't even care because I HATE this keyboard.

I wrote in my journal blog about my day today. It was really lame and wonderful all at the same time. I am at the library because my husband is awesome. It was much more poetic the way I wrote it in the other blog.

My friend is moving here from NY and I am excited because we are going to have accent days (she doesn't know this yet but I know she'll go for it). We'll have gangsta day, and British day, and southern country day, etc. You can join in if you want to. It's probably gonna be a club. On those days, we'll speak in that accent and only that accent. We are also starting a Non-profit organization. We need peopel to get involved but I'm not ready to publicly announce anything. If you are interested, let me know! It's gonna be good and we're gonna make lots of money. oh wait, it's non-profit.

Wow. i am reading through everything and it's so crappy. It's like a ten year old wrote it. No punctuation and terrible grammar and bad everything. I want to write something poetic someday.  Speaking of poetic and really smart writers, my brother-in-law is uber smart and he has a blog now. You should read it. It's REAL smart. You can read it here. If there is no link over there, that means he texted me and told me to take it down because he is just that smart that he doesn't want anyone to know.

For now, I will go. Here is a picture. This is Sadie on Mascara Sunday. I've told you about that right? How she loves makeup and glamour and beauty. Well, this is beauty. lol