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Her Five Cents

Dear Sadie

Monday, April 1, 2019
Dear Faye,

I can't believe I haven't done your yearly letter. I feel like I did and now I have to go find it. It's also likely I didn't. Yeah. I didn't because I wrote Jacksons in October. lol. Sorry! 

I don't know if I should write this as if it was November of last year or the March that it really is. I think I'll go with the latter.

You've grown so much in the past 6 months. That's about how long it's been since you turned the big double digit One Oh! 10! I can't believe it.

You came into this world when you wanted to and I have a feeling that's the theme of your life. All in your own time... I've only recently learned to allow space for that. There's no sense in trying to rush you or push you into doing things you neither want to do or are comfortable with. And that's totally okay.

Although, we did push you a little bit with going to public school for the first time. Thankfully you were given an excellent teacher and that coupled with your insane ability to adapt, you've completely thrived. Unlike I've ever seen before. I still can't even wrap my mind around the fact that not only do you go to school but you want to! Say what? Around your birthday 6 months ago, it was like pulling teeth to get you to complete one lesson! Now you stay up late to complete lessons on Zearn all because you want to. Last night we tried to get you NOT to do some and to instead go to sleep but you were determined to finish that last little bit. I crazy admire your determination in all the ways even if it makes me feel nutty sometimes. lol.

You continue to be artistic. I think you might academically be like me in the sense that you do well because you work hard. And then you have this creative side that you don't even have to try for. I wish I would have pursued my own creativity as a younger one which is what I am hopefully going to help you do. You are a tried-and-true artist. I find your sketches and works strewn throughout the house and I'm always amazed. Maybe I shouldn't be anymore but you're SO GOOD! I'm not even just saying that because I'm your mom. A person can look at your handwriting and see that you're an artist. I love the little flourishes you add to your y's or your g's. Your writing is much better than a lot of adults I know, including your dad. Just kidding. His is pretty good.

You're a great friend. You're kind and fun and people are drawn to you. I wonder if we will always remember the one and only 3 girl sleepover we had. It was with 2 girls from school and both were vying for your attention and you were left in this awful spot of being in the middle. I never want that for you because you were born in the middle. Why add extra stress? :-)

I adore you my little middle child. I love you so much my heart hurts about it. You're amazing and I always always always hope you remember that. Like you are fundamentally good. You don't have to do or be or say anything to make it that way. You just are.

Remember who you are, where you came from, and who loves you.

"Nothing's Fine, I'm Torn"

Sunday, October 7, 2018
Thanks Natalie Imbruglia. I'm split about so many things. I'll make a list.

I'm torn between:

Blogging here versus on Medium. I think I have a small readership here and over there I'm just beginning.

Keeping my kids in school online at home, or going back to more traditional homeschooling slash unschooling

Being totally transparent about the real things in my life and keeping it between me and those involved. ha. #vague.

What to be when I grow up. SO many options here.

Wanting another baby or not doing child-rearing for at least 18 more years.

Buying a house I kind of like right now or waiting for one that might be everything we ever wanted.

Taking a nap right now or accomplishing more tasks.

Can you help me with these things? As in, can you make the decisions for me? lol.

Dear Jackson

Saturday, October 6, 2018
I'm late on yours too! I'm afraid my blog has become mostly letters to my children on their birthdays, which I think is okay. Because you are important Jackson!

I feel bad because your birthdays for the past two years have been when we are on trips or getting ready to go on one. Last year New Zealand, this year Ireland and Scotland. Most would say you have a "rough life" lol but you would probably say you have a rough life. You'd rather be with friends and cousins than with family on vacation in an exotic place. lol. I only hope one day (maybe when you read this) you will appreciate the travel.

You made me a mom 11 years ago. I remember the night. I think you and I will always have this special bond because of the way you entered the world. I was scheduled to be induced on the morning of your entrance. I really struggled with this because I had in my head that babies should come when they are ready. Well, I'm entirely thankful you decided because my water broke the night before my induction. Except you just didn't want to come that bad. I ended up with a C-Section which also worked out in my favor because of so many things I will tell you about later. I'm just overall thankful for you in general. You've been such a blessing in our lives. I know that sounds so cliche but it's true. You're a gem of a boy.

I'm officially really late finishing this post. I'm doing it now.

I just refound pictures on they were threatening to delete because I haven't been on there for awhile. There is a whole album dedicated to your first birthday. I'm gonna go download them and post them here.

I love you. You're currently hanging out with Shawn and Dad and Sadie and Nevie because it's Fall break and yes this is like 5 months after your birthday. But to my credit we have moved and started school since then and those are 2 big things. You're not in love with our new schedule. It's a lot of work but you are so smart and are doing so well.

You've also found some fellow Dungeons and Dragons friends at the youth center which you are old enough to go to because hello 6th grade. I'm not ready for all of this.

I'm gonna stop talking and go grab those pictures to post. But first, some currents.

Now the oldies