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My thoughts for the night/morning.

Friday, May 30, 2008
I love myspace because my blogs are so real here. I feel like I can say anything and it's okay. Is that so weird? Hmmm...
David is asleep on the couch. Snoring. He just started this new fad. I'm not a big fan which is why I have started using ear plugs again. He blames it on the allergies or something. Should I not say that here? Is that an embarrassing thing? I don't think so. I love you honey.
I feel like I am super happy with the inner changes I am making with myself. Although I'm going through a decision making time, it's okay. I am at a turning point here. I feel like I can't have both. What's that saying? You can't have your pie and eat it too. Ooooh  Iwant pie right now. Too bad we don't have a Denny's or something. I would go get some. Crap. Now I'm in a bad mood cause I have no pie or even ice cream. Or even cookies. Ugh.
Anyway, it all has to do with church. Don't worry, I'm not going anti or anything, but I am doing some soul searching. I am so frustrated with the way it is for me right now. I know some things for certain. That Jesus Christ lived, that He died for me. I believe in the Plan of Salvation. I know the priesthood is here on the earth. Joseph Smith restored that priesthood  to the earth. He didn't do it alone, he was the instrument that brought it about through God and His son. What's most important to me though, is that I know that God loves me. My relationship with Him is the most vital thing to me right now. Which is where part of my struggle comes in.
I feel like so much of the focus in actual church is not on that relationship, but more on other less important things. Some may claim otherwise, but I hear what I hear. I am listening too. I'm trying not to be "hard of heart" as well.
I also realize, re-reading the above above paragraph, I cannot change the fact that God is a man, that the priesthood is given to men, and that our church is led by men. People again question God being a man, but if you believe in the Bible, you know He is. That's not the big deal, it's the other patriarchal stuff. I truly struggle with that. We're told once in a great while how wonderful we are as women in the church, but we're not told enough and we're not treated as we should be. Instead we are told we should be better homemakers, and helps to our husbands. Bleh. Seriously, Mormons who read this, think about the last time you were told how divine and truly vital you are.
I am teaching in church on Sunday (how ironic right?) and I found the ONE talk that mentions what I am talking about. Jeffrey R. Holland says, "Everything Christ taught He taught to women as well as men. Indeed, in the restored light of the gospel of Jesus Christ, a woman, occupies a majesty all her own in the divine design of the Creator."
If this is true, why are the differences between us (women and men in the church) so extreme?
Anyway, on to more exciting things. Jackson is turning 1 tomorrow. I can't believe that in a couple of hours, the one year anniversary of my water breaking will come upon me. Seriously, reliving that memory is not something I like to do. If you have ever had your water break unexpectedly you know what I'm talking about. I felt like a child who couldn't stop peeing her pants excessively. You should have seen me standing in the elevator of the hospital not wanting to come out for fear that everyone would know that I was leaking everywhere.  Awful. It wouldn't stop either. I was scheduled to go in that morning to be induced but little baby Jackson had his own plan which is why I got surprised at 2 in the morning with my wetting of the bed (okay, my waters breaking).

I love everyone. I'm going to buy more people. 

Camera Time

Thursday, May 29, 2008
I love having a camera. I'm back to taking pictures of my beautiful baby. It's a good time. He is turning 1 tomorrow. I can't even believe it. Time flies when you are having fun. Oh wait.

I sometimes write entire posts in my head only to forget them when I am actually sitting in front of the computer.
I'll post pictures instead.







This is Jackson being a sweet boy. Notice the two teeth?





Okay. I can't post anymore because the stinkin computer is being dumb. I hate that. At least that picture is cute.
Well nothing much else is going on. I'm teaching on Sunday so right now I'm trying to prepare for that. I'm super nervous. I'm excited though because I am speaking on something a little bit out of the ordinary. I really want women of the church to understand that it's okay to be who you are. I feel like so much of the time we are obligated to fill these "roles" as wives and homemakers and if we don't, we feel guilty. I hope that it will work out. After searching through 6,000 talks, I found one that actually speaks exactly about this topic. I'm excited about it.
Anyway, I'll write more exciting things later. Happy birthday to Jackson though! We are gonna celebrate next week because I have had a crazy week.



My baby love...

Sunday, May 25, 2008
So I guess if you read this you will find out something pretty cool. I'm having another little baby. Yes. It's exciting. And it's time that I announced it. If I didn't tell you personally, don't take it personally. I don't know if that makes sense.

I'm visiting Jaime Jina and we are prego together. It's so much fun. I love my guest room with the nightstand with a bowl of fruit, a complementary book, nuts, and a candle and a chocolate on the pillow. I love it.
We had fun together yesterday. I'm so excited for her to have a little one. It's so great. She is going to have a boy (first) and a girl (second). I did the ring on her. I still have to do it to Andy to make sure it matches up.
Just go read her blog. Except you can't because it's private. Too bad you aren't her friend.

I have a headache. Are you excited that I'm having a baby? I am. It took me  awhile to get out of the denial. It's good now. The sooner I have it, the sooner I am done. I will still be young when it grows up and David and I will have plenty of time to be together. And Jackson will have a good play friend. I hope he won't torture the new one. Anyway, two is a good number for me.

Well, it's time to go. 

Better Baby?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008
I've heard it more than once. "I'm scared to have another baby because I'm afraid it won't be as perfect/wonderful/amazing/charming as my first." Blah. I only pray that my second will be better than my first. Not that Jack Jack is the devil child (though he can turn into a ball of fire if he wants, right Holdaway?), but he has his moments. For example, today has been nothing but non-stop crying or whining. First because he didn't want to eat his PB & J, secondly because he couldn't get the door open, third he wanted my makeup bag. And I said no. He hates the word no. Whenever I say it with the stern face, he cries. I'm starting the disciplining thing and I have no idea what I'm doing. If anyone has ideas, please share.

I'm quitting the stay-at-home mom thing. I want to work which is why I'm looking for at least a part-time job in the evenings. That way, David can come home from work and I can go. Jackson won't have to be in daycare and everyone is happy (although I wouldn't mind if he went to daycare, it's his dad that does).

I can't even open my windows for fear that the people looking in will be frightened away by my disgusting house. "Why don't you clean it", you ask? I'm overwhelmed. No excuse right? Well that is a totally legitimate excuse in my book. It's actually on page 1. My nugget (Jackson) is now sitting next to me with a jelly face and no pants. Sooo white trash. But I love it.

Onto other more interesting topics. American Idol's Finale is tonight. It's strange how people's tastes change as they get older. If I was 14, I would for sure be voting for David A. However, because I am now more mature in age, David C.'s music better fits my musical choices. Don't worry, I have downloaded (legally mind you), a couple of David A's songs because I think his voice is amazing. And the whole more mature thing... that was a joke.

OOOOhh and I cannot even wait for So You Think You Can Dance to start. I love the summer for that reason. Okay, and the gorgeous weather helps as well.

Is it bad that the only interesting things I have to talk about are my dirty child, house and TV? I guess I should get back into scrapbooking so I have more stuff to talk about. ha ha. I'm so funny. Well the Nugget is once again crying. I must go take care of him.

Narnia and The Roxy

Saturday, May 17, 2008

We went to see that tonight. It was fantastic. I can say that because I have never read the books and therefore had no expectations. I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy the soundtrack. I love going to the Roxy theatre here in The Haven. It costs five dollars to get in. You can get a container of popcorn for as little as $1.00 and candy is just as much (or little). You can't beat that. They even use old school tickets, like the ones you get at the fair. The seats are comfy and the murals on the wall give it so much character. Maybe I should be an advertiser for them. Mostly I think it's wonderful that it is family owned and totally authentic.

I have a serious toothache and will probably end up calling the dentist on Monday. They are so good about getting me in for my teeth emergencies. This has happened probably 3 times since living here. I bet if I stopped eating taffy and Now and Laters, I would probably not have this problem. Don't worry, I brush. I think it's a curse that comes with my bad candy eating habits.

It's now almost 2 in the morning. Tomorrow is going to come quicker than I would like. Bed is calling my name.

Say WHAT?

Friday, May 16, 2008
Okay. I'd like to tell about a little experience I had yesterday at a meeting with Doug Dyke, my "boss" at the high school.



He met with me, and two of the other women I coach with. We discussed things we needed to change, and things going on for the next year. Oh yeah, I coach cheerleading for those who don't know.



Anyway, he then proceeded to tell me we would be meeting with the woman who yelled at me on the phone a week earlier. Doug had asked me to call her back and I said I wouldn't do that. She was actually yelling at me. I finally had to get off the phone with her because I was crying. I told my boss I would not subject myself to more verbal abuse but if he wanted to meet with us, I would be happy to do that.



The story with her daughter goes like this. She tried out. Didn't score very high (on all 4 of our judging sheets), made JV, and is pissed. So she is either sending her mom to do the dirty work, or her mom is choosing to do it herself because she wants to live vicariously through her daughter and making JV is just not acceptable.



Ok. So the mom shows up. With her husband. Oh great.



We are sitting there. Picture this. All three of us coaches on one side. Doug, the mediator in the middle and the parents facing us on the other side. Doug started out calmly by telling them that we would give every opportunity to their daughter to move up to Varsity full time. She had to prove it to us. They had more of a desire to grill us about our qualifications, our judging sheets, everything. I couldn't stop staring at the lightening bolt earring in Mr. Jerks ear, or maybe it was lightening in his eyes... I can't remember. Anyway, we heard the sob story of their daughter who has cheered for two whole years on varsity, and played in the band WHILE cheering at football. Are we blind to her mad skills or what? It wasn't really a mellow conversation at all. Mr Jerk said something about us all being from bimboville which is when Doug called the meeting to an end. The other coaches promptly stood up and left. Mrs. Jerk confronted me (she is like 5 feet tall mind you) and said that if I can't talk to her face to face I don't belong in the position I'm in. She said I don't care, and that I am not aware of these girls feelings. I said to her that she shouldn't judge me because she doesn't know me. I said 'excuse me', and left. On my way out (this is my favorite quote of all time), this is what Mr. Jerk said to me. Really. "You can take your fat ass back to bimboville".



WHAT THE HECK? Sorry Mormons for the bad language but I have never been so insulted in my life. I left crying. It was seriously awful. You can't tell me she is the prettiest thing you have ever seen. I know I am not. But to call ME the fat ace? Come on.

Home away from Home

Tuesday, May 13, 2008
I am moving my blog. I haven't decided when the unveiling will be, all I know is that it's time. The address of my blog is "The Nickle Family". Well, it's not the Nickle family that writes here. It's the Nickle individual, Lisa. So I have decided to make something that is all my own. I hope you are excited. It's gonna be the best one you have ever seen. Well, maybe.

There are so many things I want to write about. I don't think I'll get to it right now though. I have a headache.

I'm reading this book called Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne Dyer. Everyone needs to go buy it. It is $7.99 at Borders. Go. Now. My sister reccommended it to me (I still can't spell that word), and I can't put it down. I have a feeling I will need to read it over and over and over before I live the principles it teaches. It's all about eliminating negative thinking and taking control of your own thoughts and actions. Me gusta mucho.

Jackson will be turning 1 on the 31st of this month. I suppose if I am going to have a party or something, I should get invites out. I don't want people to think I am having a party just to get presents (even though I secretly am). Just kidding. Not really. Okay, fine. I don't want presents. Jackson does. ha ha.

I am going to go now. I need some Tylenol.

A and J

Monday, May 5, 2008
So.. I was writing in my other blog and I was gonna use the letters A and J to speak (nicely) of some friends of mine until I realized that I have several A and J friends that are couples. It's actually quite crazy.
Aaron and Jenny
Abe and Janell
Alyssa and John
Andy and Jaime
Amy and Jason
How cool is that? I love them all too.  Now if I was Natalie from Big Brother, I would come up with some sort of conspiracy theory to go with that as well. Let's see... five A and J's. A is the first letter of the alphabet and J is 10th. Hmm... any ideas?

I'm pretty lucky to know so many cool people with those letters. Did I forget anyone? 

Are you sure? Are you positive?

Sunday, May 4, 2008
For some reason this weekend has been one of reflection. I woke up early today and I had some time to myself. It was quiet. It was warm. It was fabulous. I spent a little bit of time talking to God in all sincerity, for the first time in awhile. Church was good. John bore his testimony and I felt the spirit. Again, the first time in awhile. I read something in a book, for the first time in awhile.

All these things combined have led me to a few conclusions. One, that I want to be more than just stagnant when it comes to spirituality. Two, that I really desire to live the way God wants me to. And three, that I really want to study the words of God more often. It was so interesting to me as I thought about John and his testimony. The John I met on the first day of moving here is not the same John he is now. Well he is the same John, but he is so much more. I want that same kind of change.

I also had some time with a friend of mine this weekend. Hanging out with her made me realize how negative I am. She emits positive energy. I want that too. I felt guilty after hanging out with her because she has such a positive outlook. I desire that as well. Thank you!

Patience is not a virtue of mine but I hope in my endeavor to become "better", others who do possess that quality will share theirs with me.

What I really wanna say

Friday, May 2, 2008
is Congratulations to my cheerleaders. Everyone did fabulous.
What I really wanna say is:
I'm tired.
I'm hungry.
I am absolutely  fedd uup witthh thee exxtraa letterrs. I willl NOOOOTTT readdd annything annymoree that hasss exxtra letters. Does anyone else read it like it says? I end up sounding like an idiot in my own head. Blah.
I am going to go yard sale-ing tomorrow for clothes for Jackson only. I have to promise myself not to get anything else. I don't need more junk.
I haven't watched American Idol from this week... the one where someone gets cut. I think I might know though because it seems to be all over the news or somesing.
I am happy for Picsag and Asian that they are getting married. It makes me super happy.
I basically am a hater right now and hate everyone and everything. Including but not limited to, humidity, crackers on the floor, principles who have power trips, my phone battery dying, the way I bite my cuticles, and more things I don't want to say.
What I really want to say though:

is I love your mom a lot. I do. Because if she didn't have S-e-x with your dad, then you wouldn't be here. 

The Dripping Faucet

Thursday, May 1, 2008
I hate that sound. We have one in our kitchen and in the bathroom. It's not a good one. It goes in the bracket of loud chewing as one of the most annoying sounds ever. I'm too lazy to get up and turn the faucet so hard it's impossible to get it back on again. I hate that too.

Oooh hate is a strong word. Oh well. I hate a lot of things right now.

We picked our cheer squads tonight. It was a good time. I'm excited about it I think. This week we held clinics at which we taught a dance, a cheer and did some stunting. The girls tried out today in front of us four coaches. We have some super good girls and some not-so-good ones. They all tried hard and for that I am happy.

Besides the high school drama I feel like I am dealing with on a constant basis (maybe I'm feeling that way because I have been around high schoolers for awhile now), life is pretty good. David and I have managed to keep our kitchen clean for 3 days straight. And yesterday while I napped on the couch, he spent several minutes (maybe hours) cleaning our bathroom. That has stayed clean for 24 hours now. Miracles do happen.

Scoot. I love that word. I'm gonna get a cat and name it Scooter. If anyone dares steal it, I'll come after your and bite your fingers off.

I feel like screaming loudly into a pillow for some reason. It's a good time.

Goodbye everyone. I'm gonna go work out. Alone.