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When It Feels Like The World Is Ending

Tuesday, September 24, 2013
In the Bible they talk about fire and brimstone and Armageddon and death and destruction.  Thats what I'm feeling might happen at my house tonight.
 
David and I both got to bed really late last night. I'm talking 2 a.m. late. Therefore we did not get enough sleep. Its a cause and effect thing. You might think we were doing something fun till that time, wink wink, oh but we weren't. In fact, on our way to our date last night David said something about me being pregnant (which I'm not) and he goes, "Oh you have to have sex to make that happen." Cause and effect.  And rood.
 
Circa 2007

We both woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Except we weren't in the same bed. We were on opposite sides of the house.  I believe I ended up with Jackson on the bottom bunk and he ended up in our bed with Nevie and maybe a Sadie too. I can't be sure. You'll have to ask him since I don't want to talk to him at this time. Lol. However when you read this David, just know that I love you and I also don't mean it, that much.
 
I just asked him if we could just not talk to each other the rest of the night tho. lol.
 
2 days later...
 
You know how I never finish these posts? I think that's kind of the best way for me to write. I have ideas, and things I want to say and so I write it down. Then never finish it and then my thoughts are completely different the next day.
 
See, I love my husband again. Well I always love him. But you know what I mean.
 
I worked yesterday and came home to an immaculate house. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been this clean in a long time, or ever.
 
My lovely neighbors that I so often brag about, came over and cleaned. Like the whole family did! And David helped too. lol. He rearranged our room. I love it so much better this way. I'll take a picture when my baby wakes up. She's really tired and sleeping on my bed. Also, I hear that they were making fun of me for my shoe collection. I don't even have that many. Well okay, I do. But not as many as some people. Also, I was also made fun of for the many random bags of unopened items that were found. Did you know that's the first sign of a shopping problem? When you have unopened stuff in your house? Or some fact like that. But it's true. I absolutely admit to having an addiction to the dollar bins at Target and the Goodwill half off days. What's the first step in the addiction recovery program?
 
"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol Target—that our lives had become unmanageable.
 
Phew. That was hard.
 
Now it's time for my rant. Like the "I hate everyone" kind of stuff you should be used to by now.
 
I'm kind of tired of having to explain myself. Really, its my humour. People don't get it. The people who know me best know that I am not actually a slutty costume-wearing person. I actually don't hate everyone and I only sometimes pretend to be rood. Deep down, I love everyone.
 
Bleh. The end.

Checking For Murderers

Saturday, September 21, 2013
The Scream 

It's late at night and I'm walking to my car from the office. The moon is out thankfully (Harvest Moon anyone?) and I can hear coyotes in the field. My office is right next to the railroad tracks which sit on top of a steep hill. I'm surrounded by nothingness otherwise. The Pink Store is the next closest thing to civilization and even that's a stretch. I walk quickly feeling the crunch of gravel under my feet. Its the only sound I hear since the coyotes have stopped for a moment. I open the gate, and close it again. I've parked on the other side and walked to the office as not to have to get in and out of my car anymore times than I have to. Because checking for murderers is exhausting.

Do you remember that email that went around in like 1998 (I think its still circling the globe) that said something like, "the new way robbers are getting people is they are breaking into cars and sitting in the backseat. They'll slit your throat." Wait, maybe that was a Scream movie. Oh yeah, the email I'm talking about is the one where they said, "the new way robbers are getting people is they are hiding under your car and they cut your ankles." Yeah. There's that one too. Its absolutely terrifying. I can't get them out of my head.

So I check.
Everytime.

Even though I live in the middle of nowhere where I'm sure the crime rate is .7 percent. But then my thoughts drift to, "what if a car trailed me here and I didn't know it? What if they're in my backseat/trunk/under my car and they kill me? They could totally hide my body in one of the dumpsters sitting right. In. Front. Of. Me. What if they're in the dumpster just waiting to hear the crunch of the gravel and they jump out and stab me? They could easily put my body into my own vehicle and drive me out to the field right next door and leave me. What if they are waiting for me to get into the car and start it before they sit up and put a knife to my throat?"

That's why I check. I look underneath the car briefly, I get in, turn the dome light on, turn around and look behind me and on the floors. I immediately lock the doors but I don't do it until I know the coast is clear in case I have to run from said murderers.

Its terrifying.

Maybe I shouldn't go to my office at night.

What's the embarrassing thing you do? Are you also afraid of the dark or is that just me? 

I Hate Kindergarten

Tuesday, September 17, 2013
***this post was written back on August 6th of last year (2012). I decided to "finish" it today.***

This is pretty much the biggest day of my his life so far. And I hate it. Officially. I was pretty much cranky all day long.
Aug 6th, 2012

2012
The Nev woke me up at 4:30 and at that time I had almost convinced myself he wasn't going to go to kindergarten at all. Like it just wasn't going to happen.

I really like him. I really enjoy this kid. He's super great. So I am sad that he wants to go to school. I hate it actually. Ugh.

2012
His teacher is wonderful. I'm sure it's going to be awesome. But right now i just wanna die and cry inside. I almost can't even talk about it.

We were leaving the driveway and I kept saying to him that I didn't want him to grow up. That I wanted him to be little forever. And he says to me, "Mom, I can't stop having birthdays. Only Jesus Christ has the power to stop birthdays." lol lol! I was like. Hmmm... true statement.

He was also super mad that I didn't let him take the bus this morning. He wanted to ride it so bad. So I told him he could ride it on the way home. He was satisfied with that.

This blog is not saving. I hate my interweb right now. Hate. it.

I kind of hate everyone and everything. It's weird. I haven't had this feeling in a lonnnnngggg time. I've been kind of really happy lately but today I've felt extra rageful. I want to go to movies all day long. Sit in front of a screen and let it feed my brain.

09/17/13

As I look back on that post, I kind of wish I had went with my gut and not put him in school at all. And we ended up pulling him out anyway like 10 days before school was out because of stoopid politics. But whatev. His teacher was freakin' awesome and if she would have stayed at the school, WE might have stayed.  But you know how it is. There is all of these guilt feelings associated with homeschooling, at least for me, because it ISN'T the norm. It's a little uncomfortable for me still to say that I'm homeschooling. I'm not confident yet. It's almost that I'm ashamed and I hate that! It's especially hard because I am actually unschooling. I don't have a curriculum, we don't always do school, and it's all brand new territory!

Aug 2013
Aug 2013
Aug 2013
 I can't wait for the day where I will say with pride that I am a homeschooler. I can't wait for the day when I will look at other moms who homeschool and not feel this terrible punch in the gut every time I see a post about their awesome mommy skills, how they made 6! weeks! of! lesson! plans! bleh.

Until that time, I'll just brag about all of the awesome things I have done! Today for example, a group of us early education moms went to the Collier Family Farm and had a tour. A personal one. I felt so lucky. Because the tour guide was a good friend and because I set it up. lol. I'm so amazing. Just kidding. It was a good time though. I hope (I think) the kids had fun!

We got to pick the squash up from the ground

Fill the wagon



Push/Pull the wagon
And feed the pig! 

Paulden, AZ Flood of 2013

Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Well, I think it deserves its own headline anyway. It was any normal day. We were out and about and came home to a lot of rain. The road was heavily flooded but not our driveway yet. It looked like this about an hour after we got home. I remember telling David he better get home quick cause it was flooded. He didn't believe me. Also, stop judging our gangsta car. We like it. lol.


Pretty soon it was this: 

And then this: 

Notice how you can't even see the tops of the rocks in the center thing?





David moved the car and van up near the garage to get them out of the flooding. 

we busted out plastic storage bins and inner tubes!
Even our road was flooded. This is our neighbors Josh and Robert across the street, digging a sand line thing or whatever to let some water out. Ha. 

This is David in the road! This is when we left our house that night because we turned off the power for awhile since we live in an amazing trailer where the electric isn't grounded or something something. 



Lakefront property 


Davids Dad tok this one. Thats our house! A view from the road. Crazy! 

It's A Toaster Strudel Kind Of Day

Tuesday, September 10, 2013
That's right. My kids ate toaster strudels for lunch. Yesterday I had to beg them to have cake for breakfast. Hahaahaha. Stop judging me. You know you do it too. Well actually, you probably don't. Do you?

I advocate for everything healthy but sometimes, we have days. We have days where the rain is falling and the skies are grey and I can't help but feel lazy.

Today we went to a new friends house. They have kids that are almost the exact ages of mine. Almost immediately, Nevie fell on her face and got a bloody nose and a fat lip. Then Sadie fell out of a swing onto her face. It's not our day for faces I guess. It was fun though. They had a blast and the like-minded mama that is their parent, gave me clove oil to numb the pain in my mouth.

Some of my tooth fell off today. I say it like it's not a big deal because right now, it's not. I have had a temporary crown that not only fell off, but the post underneath broke off too. I curse the bad luck. Is it possible to manifest good luck in the mouth? That sounds inappropriate.









Rain is amazing right? Oh I love it. Can someone fill me in on where it's coming from? I need to know.

Ooooooh Ooh. And David got his orders. I think they are unofficial. But still we have a date. He leaves October 21st. And will be gone till March. someone said he might have to report earlier. So mid-October, I will be alone. I wonder if I should not post that. Because what if stalkers come after me? And try and get into my house? Then I will beat them with a bat. And my good looks. Hahahah. Funny. 

Also, I want to post dramatic stuff. Do you want to hear that? Or do you not super care? Hmmm.....


Roar

Monday, September 9, 2013
My kids and I shamelessly watched the brand new video for Katy Perry's new song a couple days ago, about 19 times in a row. No joke. At that time, it had only like 300 views. It's crazy, we'll look back at that day and say that we were a part of history.

You can watch it here. (I think it's worth it. It tells a good story).

So anyway, then I got to thinking about how I would feel about my kids watching the video if I were a parent who was into caring about cleavage. And I think I wouldn't care. But I can't be sure since well, I don't.

I was driving to Activity Days with my 2 nieces and I put on this very song. By about the 3rd time they had it memorized. They requested it the whole way home and we all sung it at the top of our lungs. It was seriously a great time. It's got a good message.

I drove to their house and told their mom about it, warning her I hadn't watched the video so I was not responsible for what it contained. Thankfully at the time, just the lyric video was out which is actually really cool too.


Anyway, I'm really into this website which I'm sure I've mentioned before. It's all about redefining beauty for women. They are unabashed about giving information on what's REALLY going on in the media.

I try and read one of their posts every day. And it's soooooooo crazy to realize how we condition our kids at such a young age, especially girls, to believe that looks are more important than brains and intrinsic worth. I mean, I see it almost daily in my own life... how quick I am to throw a compliment to Sadie about how pretty she looks and how cute her hair is. It somewhat disgusts me. I'm working to change it but it's SO hard. 

That's why I'm happy about Katy Perry's new song. It doesn't say a word about how sad she is because she's divorced, about how she's so hot, etc. It's all about empowerment. And I'm okay with that message, even if it does involve a leopard print top. 

What do you think? Did you watch the video? Will you/did you let your kids watch it?

Orders Are Here! Just Kidding. They're Not Orders

Friday, September 6, 2013
I thought I'd collectively announce that after much anticipation we FINALLY received our orders. I don't technically know what that means except that we got more information. No dates, but good news. And that is that my hubs is kind of a rock star.

We got the orders via word of mouth. I don't know if that means they are official or what. But anyway. So here's what we know, besides giving up our first born child (sorry Jackson), we will be active duty, with a military intelligence branch.

I just found out that the information we got was not actual orders but accessions results. I don't know how to spell accessions. Whatever. Anyway, so basically what that is, is where David stands nationally out of all the graduates of the ROTC program for 2013. He ranked 115 out of 5300-5500 cadets. That puts him in the top 2 percent. He also was in the top 10 of the battalion which includes 7 states. So he's kind of a badace. I know right? Amazing.

Even though this is not specific dates, I feel much better and much more at peace about life knowing that we will most likely get what we requested. Hahahaha. Yeah right. That's not ARMY. But at least we will hopefully MAYBE get what we want. lol. We're supposed to get dates and such in a week. So I'm counting on a month. Ugh.

In other news, I have a blister on my nipple. Gross right? Did you want to know that? I bet you did. It's cause I'm still breastfeeding Nevie and she's getting teeth on one side or something. I can't be sure.

Also, it's Day 5 of the bikini body mommy challenge. And I'm on day 2. lol. You can find the challenge on Facebook. It's freakin' hard. And I'm sore from the fitness test. Oh man. Yup. I'm only telling you this so I'm accountable.

I always think of random things I want to say but then I don't know if it's super annoying. Is it? Do you want to hear the annoying things? Or merely the cool kid stuff that you care about? Well you probably don't really care about any of that bragging stuff I just told you. But it's for posterity anyway.

Oooh. This is a selfie. I took it at work and I'm gonna post it on my secret Instagram because I haven't showed my face there. It's only body pictures. I know right? That's weird. I can't wait to see the progress. Also, stop staring at that giant zit on my face. It's stress okay! Ugh. Also, it's unedited. No fancy filters or anything. Just the glowing sun and my frizzy hair.



Our own private parade

Jackson, 6 years

Nevie, 16 months


This is from when Sadie covered her face in chapstick. For fun