Thursday, May 31, 2012

I love my kids but right now its just me and this little girl and my bed and quietness. I'm so happy.

My awesome in-laws took Jackson and Sadie is at the awesome neighbors.

It's kind of a crazy great night and its kind of silly that I am so awake right now. It's all the excitement.

Sweet dreams friends. I just needed to document my good fortune. I feel almost guilty because I am so lucky.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I have a 5 year old! Well almost I will. In a few days. He's kind of adorable. And sweet. Can you tell me where I should school him? Home? Paulden? Cheens? None of the above? Eek.

We had a party for him and it was not what we were expecting. We were expecting a bounce house but because of our awesome wind, it was canceled. We went to Peter Piper instead. It was lots o' fun. I honestly believe that Peter Piper is WAY too much work for what you get of it. You spend lots of money, energy, time, money, (did I mention money) and you get cheap toys to take home. And lots of memories too. I'm not complaining because I think I had the easiest job yesterday. Thankfully I have the best family ever and I basically got to sit around and do nothing. Whoop!

Here are pictures. A few things about Nickle. Well, there are way too many. He is super duper sweet. I know he gets it from his dad. Genevieve loooooovvveees him. If him and i are sitting next to each other and she sees him, she won't even look at me. She'll look at him and smile. He always knows how to calm her down.

Him and Sadie have started the taunting/teasing phase of life. I'm not that excited about it. It's fun though because they are pretty equal when it comes to it all. Sadie is a spitfire and even though she's smaller, she is just as big in her personality. Currently she is chasing him around with a butter knife threatening to get him. lol. Yes I let my kids run with knives.

Jackson STILL loves trains and dirt and chasing chickens. He loves to eat and play with cars. He is also into building things.

I asked him some questions.

Favorite Color: "What color? I like the...what's black? What black thing? Red."

Favorite Train: "My favorite train is um... Thomas."

Favorite show: "Phineas and Pherb"

WHat do you like to do outside?: "I like to get some eggs. I like to go to Cheyanne's house. IS that enough mommy?"

What do you like to eat for breakfast?: "I like to eat noodles and also um.... I like bananas for breakfast."

What does your daddy teach you? "Ummm.... like this.... upside down (puts hands on ground)."

What does your mommy teach you? "You teach me to be nice."

Who is your best friend? "I like the bestest Cheyanne. And I like Billie Jean. Optimus Prime... and cousins."

Okay. Here are some unedited pictures. I've decided to stop caring. ONly because I've decided to start caring more about getting things documented.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

You know how "they" say no two people are the same? Well no two of anything are the same. Ever. My own two feet are different sizes even (Did you know though, that Denzel Washington is said to have a perfectly symmetrical face?).

So the no-two-alike thing definitely held true for this birth. I can't say that anything was even remotely similar to that of my other two births. First of all, I did this one all unmedicated. Well that's the term they kept using. When it was shift change for the nurses, they repeated these very things as most important it seems,


And that's essentially what it was.

The whole process of getting there was a long one. I had tried for a couple of weekends to have this little girl. First at 39 weeks and then again the next week at 40. I started at 39 weeks with stripping my membranes, acupuncture, the cohosh's, etc. I only did these things because of my circumstances. I am a huge believer in the whole "babies will come when they are ready" thing. With David leaving and being 2.5 hours away from the hospital, I decided to try and control my circumstances as much as possible. Are you laughing yet?

So we didn't have success at 39. So I came down again on Thursday of the next week to talk to my midwife. Saw her, went to the Easter Pageant with the family, and discussed my options with David. We agreed to strip my membranes the next day and go from there. Maybe schedule a water breaking for Saturday. David came down on Friday, we went to the appointment, got stripped (lol) and scheduled a water breaking for Saturday. Friday came and went and I didn't feel comfortable with Saturday. So my sister texted my midwife for me and we rescheduled for Sunday. Saturday came and went. That means it was Sunday the next day.

I went in to have my water broken at Chandler hospital and they didn't have space for me in the inn. They were about to ship me home but luckily Tiffany (my midwife) was there for me to bug about going to Mercy Gilbert. She had to clear it through Dr. Kells because I am a VBAC therefore he had to be present. This man is amazing. Tiffany came back to tell me that he was on his way in to see me to go over a game plan.

He came in and sat with me. He said that when a person is dilated to a 4, she is technically in labor and by law, he is not suppose to release them. I was a 5. He went ahead and okay'd me to go to Mercy Gilbert Hospital. I'm telling you, things are meant to happen the way they are meant to happen. While sitting in this tiny little triage room, I looked up at the ceiling to see the familiar orange dot I had stared at so diligently with Sadie. That little dot kept me from dying I tell you. I had such a traumatic experience in that room. I really really really did. I think there was a reason why they didn't have space for me, that my doctor is awesome, and that I am blessed.

So we scooted on over there to Mercy Gilbert Hospital (which is gorgeous by the way) and got checked in. I was chillin' with my monitors and Dr. Kells and Tiffany came in to break my water at 11:22 a.m.

It definitely didn't take long for the contractions to hit hard (5 mins maybe?). My mom wrote down that at 12:40 I said, "I need to poop and have a baby". I totally wanted to push at that point but wouldn't let Tiffany check me. She didn't want me to push if I wasn't dilated to a 10. So I contracted more. Do you even know what that feels like? It's pretty awesome. As in, how do people not die from them? Luckily I had the best support group ever. My mom, sisters, David and Tiffany were all there.

The hospital TV offers relaxing channels of music and images which we had on, and Kristi had lavender oil that she so nicely applied for me. And everyone whispered. It was pretty serene and calm. I hummed through some contractions, ooooh'ed through others and was silent for some. I wish that I could capture in words this part. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced. I mean, with Sadie I felt a lot of these same feelings but they were suppressed a little with the epidural I had with her. Not here. Not this time. I remember asking my midwife for an epidural knowing fully I didn't really want nor would I really get one. My support group continued to push through with me, saying encouraging things and breathing and being with me.

I was kind of awesome. And I think in this case, that's okay to say. Giving birth is the most powerful thing I (and you!) will EVER do as a woman.  They say I was in labor land. I think that I was. Again, during these 2-minute-apart bursts of intense crazy pain, I rested. I literally almost fell asleep. And guess what? I didn't even take classes! I am a 100 percent believing now, that women innately know what to do. I've seen the birthing videos, and I've lived it too! I'm kind of pissed at the fact that TV, movies, pretty much ALL media usually portray women in labor as screaming and dramatic and ... lame. It's not always like that! At least in the couple of births I've attended each woman has become this primal bear of a  woman. Using her instincts to direct her body in the way it should go. And it's beautiful.

So finally at like 2:25ish I let her check me and she okay'd me to push. What a freakin' relief it was! Wow. That was the best feeling ever! I pushed a couple times with out any luck and so they reclined me back. 5 pushes or so, and 20 something minutes later, I had a baby! It was amazing. I was quiet during the pushing too (again with the TV versions of this part... really?) It wasn't painful, it just felt so good. I think that because I was at a 10 for so long and really withholding this urge to push, finally being able to release myself was somewhat pleasurable. lol. Do you hate me for saying that?  The awesome part about not having an epidural (for me) was the fact that I could control the pushing. So towards the end when she told me to do short pushes, I could do it! I even felt the ring of fire a little bit. Apparently another really awesome quote, "It feels like cactus in my butt". 

I held her on my chest until the cord stopped pulsating, and held her even longer. I wanted to know her weight. She came in at a big 9 lbs 1 ounce! Yay! I pushed that out of my vagina!

She immediately latched on, we bonded, it was beautiful.

I'm thankful for each person that was there that day. Tiffany said I was her first VBAC at Mercy Gilbert. The nurses and my family and Dr. Kells were all so amazing. I kind of want to write down all the wonderful things people said about me. Tiffany said that when I was in labor and contracting, she didn't think I was at a 10 because of how peaceful I was laboring. I'm pretty proud of the fact that David had to take his wedding ring off since I was squeezing so hard. We play this game where he squeezes my fingers so tight until I can't take it anymore. I'm supposed to do the same back but I've never ever been successful. But now I can say that on April 8th, I won! Dr Kells came in for the birth and I'm so happy about that! With Sadie I asked him whether I was a good, or bad patient. He told me I was medium. lol. This time when I asked him, he said I was outstanding! Yay!

No two of anything are alike, but if I had a say, I'd hope that anyone's labor experience is as good as mine. :)

***Now that it's 6 weeks later, I'm finally posting this because I've just barely looked at these pictures. David took them and they are not edited and I sort of think they are perfect.***

My mom took this one. :-)

I know she sucked her thumb/fingers in the womb

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Let's talk about how little Nevie slept from 10-6 last night. That's right folks. Too bad I'm an idiot and didn't go to sleep until like 12 or something because I was up Skyping with my bff. We talked of cats and stalking and then I tied my hair around my chin. I'm gonna have to take a picture so you get the picture.

I'm in el Phoenix and it's been real fun. My sister has a neighbor who has a granddaughter. lol. She is awesome and totally a kid whisperer. My kids fell in love with her after like 5 minutes of meeting her. She has totally kept my kids and baby happy for most of the weekend and she has done it happily. I wish she could stay the whole summer. I would bring her back to Paulden with me. lol. Her grandma might miss her though.

Wow. I wanted to write something brilliant tonight. Looks like it's not gonna happen.

Are you ready for gushiness?

I read Ginny's post about her hubby and was able to reminisce right along with her about her journey with her hubby. I remember the night David came home from his mission and all of those feelings returning, and I remember the feeling that I just wanted and needed to be with him. Even before reading this post, I found myself going through the e-mails I got from him when he was on his mission.

"I am nervious writing this.  My fingers don't want to type.  This is my last e-mail to you...and I don't have words to tell you right now.  With all....I am so grateful for you LIsa."

He continues on later:

"I have lots of stories to tell you! I want to hear stories from you!  I wonder how you are doing all the time.  I think I will just hug you so much. I almost cry----really, when I think of that. 
Ok, so I will work this week---and work hard...and I'll see week---If nothing else Lisa...can you remember I love you always.  That is about all...I guess I will tell you the rest when I see you.  CRAZY!
I know God LIves...I know he loves me!  I know this is his church...and I know he answers prayers---And I know that I am soo excited to run and hugg you.  I love you LIsa,  Keep the Faith
Always, Elder David Nickle"

This was written 10/25/04

Sweet boy right? And he still is. Ugh. Do you hate me AGAIN? This could be a rough couple of months with my crazy roller coaster emotions. Eek. Are you ready for a ride?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Sorry about that post last night. I'm feeling much of the same but I'm a little more settled down.

I don't actually hate my husband. Not even a little. In fact, I love him too much I think. That's why this is so freakin' hard. Speaking of freakin'. Sadie says to me today, "Mom. The baby is freakin' crying." 

I have written about 6 different paragraphs and erased all of them. I'm not sure what to say. I'm not sure what my part is. I haven't talked to David today at all because I don't want to be sad/mad at him. Am I supposed to be honest with him or am I supposed to be strong and awesome for him so he doesn't miss home? I think either way, someone gets the shatty end of the deal.

Therefore, I have decided to plead the fifth. Today was especially hard because of many different reasons. Wow. That was one of those vague-to-the-max status update lines you see on Facebook. I think it was hard because of too much sun, carrying heavy things, allergies, Costco with three kids, extreme exhaustion, and well... you know.

It was especially awesome because Jackson said to me twice today, "You're the best mom. I love you." And then he asked me if he could give me a kiss. It was sooooooo uber sweet. And Sadie randomly throughout the day says to me, "Mom." and waits for me to respond. Then she'll say, "I love you." It's totally awesome. And then Jackson will say when I won't let him have 10 Skittles, "You're not the best mom anymore." lol. I love it. And Nevie has totally started cooing and smiling (more to my mom than me!) It was especially awesome because my sister let me be rude to her even when she was being totally nice and sincere. It was also awesome because I have GREAT no, THE BEST family ever. My mom comes after work to check on me, and help me get kids ready and into bed. My sister-in-law comes over and sweeps my floor and does laundry and watches kids so I can afford the luxury of showering. My neighbors pretty much save me every day. My dad called to check and make sure Jackson had a way to get to his school picnic. I am blessed. And if I forgot to mention you today, I'm super sorry. My brain hurts but my heart is full.
I tried to get a smile on camera. Does this count?

Thanks Brigitte for this awesome machine! Kids love it!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Pretty much you don't want to read this post. I was gonna post it on the secret blog but I don't wanna. Mostly because I want people and especially other people going through this crap, to know how much it sucks. In that last sentence alone, I omitted two swear words. They were said in my head.

This sucks. It completely sucks. There is nothing really super awesome about this experience. And while I'm sure you can think of plenty, I don't want to hear it right now. Do you have to take care of 3 kids on your own for the next 3 months? Do you have to ask people for help (which is freakin' hard for me) because you actually can't do it on your own? This is so stoopid.

I hope his parents don't read this. Because tonight, I hate their son. I told him that too. And then I told him I had to go because I didn't want to hate him anymore.

So I'll go to sleep tonight. In a room with my newborn and I'll wake up with a foot of space because my 2 kids will have crawled in bed with me and I will be too tired to wake up and put them back in their room. And then I'll wake up and I will not have slept well because of it. I love them yes. I don't want to sleep in the same bed as them.

***Please don't comment. I tried to disable comments but because I use the Disqus thing, it voids my disabling of comments. Or something***

Sunday, May 13, 2012

6:30 a.m. and Jackson comes in. He asks for the chocolate he knew Grandma had left for him the night before. I told him that it wasn't time to wake up. 6:35 a.m. "Is it time to wake up yet", he asks. I tell him I have my alarm set and when it goes off, that's when we wake up.
6:42 a.m. "Can we have chocolate yet?" "Not yet."
6:45 a.m. "Is it time yet?"

Do you get the picture?

So I got out of  bed promptly at 7 o'clock a.m. on Mothers Day Sunday morning so that I could get Jackson his chocolate.

My angel of a mom came over to help me get the kids ready for church. Sadie complained of being tired. Jackson of being cold. Because of these tragedies, they couldn't eat their breakfast.

So we got dressed. Jackson would only get dressed when promised that he could watch the 1980's version of the Transformers show. He loves it. Sadie only wanted to wear the purple dress that Chocolate Milk Grandma (Jolyne) got her. She didn't want to wear her flip floppy shoes becase they are too hard to walk in.

We made it out the door. We were on time.

Even with a husband this never happens. Its my mom I tell ya. She's awesome.

They sang "Mother I love you" in sacrament meeting. They have been practicing all week long. It was adorable and lovely. One of my favorite things is Jacksons long drawn out notes at the end of a verse or song. Apparantly kids stare at him in Primary. I'll beat some kids. Ugh. That's why I don't want him to leave home. I want to protect him from rood kids. I'm gonna be that mom that everyone hates. Yup. I can see it now.

Anyway, we survived all of church. I didn't have to do anything except hold my baby. Talk to my mom though, and she'll tell you a different story. She had Sadie in her lap the whole time and got lucky enough to be called on to substitute last minute. So fun. She came out from church and said she was exhausted. I get it!

Currently Jackson is making up his own version of  "Heavenly Father has sent me to you." This line is being sung in somewhat of a rap form. I like it.

It's only been a week of him being gone. I am surviving. In fact, I'm grateful. No I'm not. Not yet. But I am learning.

I love my kiddos. Jackson and Sadie are drawing in his Phineas and Pherb notebook. Without prompting Jackson drew this:


Then he said, "This means choose the right". Omg. I'm so excited. Thank you Primary! He loves the song that goes with it. I'm seriously jumping for joy. Well not literally, because that would be ugly. But inside I am. I see these little milestones every day with him and Sadie both. It both delights me and makes me SO sad. Can't they be little forever?

Sadie has a mouthful of corn.


Friday, May 11, 2012

955 S. Hwy 89, Chino Valley, AZ 86334.


Did you have a hard time finding the info? I did. But now I won't. Which is why I posted it here. Get Hot-N-Ready!!!

Monday, May 7, 2012

I'm not a huge fan of the single life. Nope, not even a little. Do you hate me yet? It's only day  3 friends. That means there is 92 days until he gets home. Not that I'm counting. Not that I created a countdown clock.

I felt like maybe I was neglecting this blog because I have a blog I set up for David so he can read and know about our life. So I've been writing on that one and I decided to write on this one today. Wow. Those were the 2 most annoying sentences I've ever written I think. I said blog and that and one and write like a million times. Sorry.

The day started wonderfully. We went on a walk. The kids fought over who got to push Genevieve. But it was friendly fighting. I didn't have to intervene too much.

I went to Safeway. It was entirely too stressful. I didn't even have Nickle. I just had Sadie and Nevie. Sadie fell asleep on the way there and seriously couldn't be woken up. Is woken a word? I patted her face and picked her up and only upon mentioning fruit snacks did those little purple coated eyes flutter open.

The whole experience was fine. Sadie ended up in the cart. So I did frivolous shopping. Got all the things I didn't need. Way too many convenient foods and not enough fruit and veggies.

I got to pick Jackson up from school. So I unloaded the bus and we went inside. Genevieve cried. Sadie fell. I got annoyed. Not with my kids but my entire surroundings. I am sort of angry with the "system". I feel like the people at that school are watching my every move just to see if how I will screw up. So I let the baby cry while i dealt with the paperwork and the other crying girl. Good times.

I was sweating by then. And I hadn't even left the air conditioned building. Getting in the car was just as exciting. I opened EVERY door of that car and buckled every single belt.

Home was fine. The kids got to talk to David. I wanted to ask him how his 9 hours of sleep went. Or maybe it was 7 or 6. Who cares. It was uninterrupted I'm sure. Then the baby exploded as she usually does.

I bathed her.

My mom came over. Bless her. She cooked a delicious meal ON HER BIRTHDAY! Holla! She has been helping me establish routine with my kiddos. She holds Nevie and rubs Sadie's forehead and cleans up after me and my tornadoes. I was trying to put Sadie to sleep and she asked that Grandma come in. Grandma's do things better.

I survived the day.  But not without a lot of swear words and negative thoughts. I'm hoping that there will be better days. And I truly am thankful for the morning we had. It was awesome. I didn't have anxiety! Seriously. That to me, was worth every second of whatever crap happened. There's a million things I forgot. Can you imagine if I were to document every hour of this day? It would be insane. I didn't mention how my dad came over and cleaned my yard and took my trash cans out and gathered eggs. I didn't mention how Angela came over too because I got medicine for her doggy at the store. I didn't mention how I almost fell because of a train track I slipped on because there was yogurt on the floor. I didn't mention that Ross is wonderful and helped us out big time too. WOw. I'm blessed. Really I am. Minus almost falling.

Anyway, that's all for now. You just wait though.