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It's Dark Outside

Thursday, October 30, 2008
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate my keyboard? It is so loud and obnoxious. I can't spell either. I really am going to rename my blog. It's offically going to be called The Hater Blog. Or something. Maybe it will just be a subname.

I'm sweating.

I also hate Halloween. Gosh. Why do I always have to be so hateful. I am sure people will have a lot to say about the Halloween thing. I talked to David about this and I really have no reason for feeling the way I do. The only reason I could come up with for my hatred is that I was never comfortable with what I went as when I was younger. I remember being a Doctor, a french maid, a witch, and... thats about it. I can't think of anything else. And then one of the last times I went trick-or-treating someone asked me if I was too old to be doing it. How rude! I think I just have a bad taste. So maybe I should start dressing up as something I would be comfortable as. Maybe the devil, or a stripper, or the president of the united states. I don't know.

I'm trying to think of things I love. I love my boys. I LOVED church on Sunday (I know right?), I love cookies.

So now I can say just one more thing I hate. I hate the smell of leftover garlickey food in my house.

Jackson is going to be emo for Halloween. That's it. Just emo. I love my life.

Jackson Chase

Sunday, October 26, 2008
This is my most favorite picture ever.



Sweet boy.


I can't get enough.


Thank you to Shayna for her skills in photography. Let me know if you want her skills to take your pics too.



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Its Kind of Weird

Saturday, October 25, 2008
I'm so alone right now. Literally. My boys went away for the night and I am secretly living it up. On Myspace. I know right? I am happy to even have a chance to write this blog though. Usually I would be dealing with a little guy climbing all over me or hitting the keyboard or trying to pull the mouse down. So this is actually a perfect evening for me.
I was gonna write this hater blog on my blogspot but it doesn't quite fit there. I have a secret blog and a public one and I kind of feel like my Myspace one is a combo of both. I like it.

Does anyone really know that I am gonna have a baby in like one week. J and I decided that 10-28-08 is a good date. I'm aiming for that.

Everyone says that family is the most important thing. I would say that is true in some aspects. I think there are a few things that tie with it. Or maybe come before. And that is my relationship with God and the place I put Him in my life. I feel like if that is on good terms, everything else will fall into place. I'm not preaching here because neither my relationship with God or His place in my life are in good standing at this moment. Maybe that's why my relationship with my family is suffering.

It's not suffering in the immediate sense. Me, David and Jackson, and baby girl are tight. Like my butt... or I guess my belly. My butt sure isn't tight right now but my stomach is. Anyway, I'm feeling a lot of bitterness towards the others.

Steph would say something about thinking before speaking but sometimes I just don't want to. I am feeling a lot of anger and I don't really know what to do about it.

I live super close to the majority of my family yet I never see them. I hate that. One of the big reasons for me moving back to AZ was to be with them. It's not really happening. It's only been a couple of weeks since David and I have really been on our own and I already feel this way. It's poopy.

So basically that is all. I'm not even funny in this blog. I guess I'm feeling a little more serious. Oh well. I'm gonna go post a new picture of Jackson even though I secretly hate people that do that and make it their default picture. It's YOUR myspace. Not your childs. again, I'm talking to myself here cause I'm about to go do it. He's way cuter than I am.

Goodbye my lovers. 

Lookie Here

Sunday, October 19, 2008
Another post? Say what?

I almost, just almost, posted a picture of my half eaten pumpkin pie on here just to show that I made one. Of course it happened to be store bought but who cares right? It's super funny too because it's totally cut disproportionately. I think I made that word up. Anyway, if we were to cut it up and serve it, most people would be getting tiny, short, thin slices because I like to cut mine big and fat. Love my life.

I wanted to write and say that I am grateful to all my lovers out there. All of you who read this, are my lovers. Not in a nasty dirty way, in an I-love-you-for-caring-about-me" way.

Again, I am scared for baby girl to come. I feel so much more prepared and ready but also very nervous. I think I am mostly scared for the birthing process. I am going for a VBAC and I just don't know if it is gonna happen. Part of me just wants to do a scheduled C-Section because I am a control freak and like to know when things are gonna happen. However, I DON'T want that recovery. I want a vagey birth because I want to be happy and walking around in less than 6 weeks.

Okay well, I love everyone.

Fatt

Friday, October 17, 2008
So, I'm sure I have posted something on the subject of grossly morbidly obese people before, but it's time for a reminder.

I guess I am prejudice. No, I know I am. The definition says so. Anyway, here is why.

I decided to go to Wal-Mart last night late. I arrived, asked for my electronic wheelchair and was told there wasn't any. The sweet old man at the front said they have 6 of them but that they were all being used. So along I go, very uncomfortably, to do some shopping. As I browsed (and picked up a few.... okay a lot of items) I saw two people in carts. And they were fat. Like giganto fat. I was SOOO mad. So anyway, the old man found me and told me he got me a cart. He was so sweet. He helped me unload my regular cart, into the electronic one. I wheeled along only to see the other 3 carts being used by more fat people. This is where my prejudice comes in. I have no idea why they are actually using the cart. I just judge them because I see their butt cheeks hanging off the cart and almost touching the floor. They probably all have an excuse besides their weight. They probably have bad hips. Maybe they have heart problems? Or maybe they don't have feet? I'm just trying to figure out their reasons for taking all 6 carts! At least I have a good reason to be lazy right now. I'm 9 months pregnant okay? When I am not 600 pounds heavier due to a little girl wading around in my belly, I walk. That's right. Even though I would much rather use the carts, I try and save them for the people that really need them.

I also think it's ironic that they were all there late at night. I bet it's because they are embarrassed by their obesity. I totally understand. Why was I there at 9:30 at night? K, not because I am preggo and fat but because I could go by myself without my boys.

I looked for their canes or braces, but none of them had any. And none of them were elderly! They were all just huge! This one lady (made me the most mad) had 25 rolls of wrapping paper in her arms and her basket stuffed with bows. I couldn't even use the isle she was in because of it. And she was fat too.

Oh wow. I am sure God hates me right now. But I am overly riled up about this topic. Ask anyone that knows me well. I hate the fat ones in the carts. I'm pretty sure none of my readers are overly morbidly obese and ride in the Wal-Mart carts but if you are, I am sorry. No, I'm not really. I could surfacely apologize but I would still hate your action of taking MY cart.

Disclaimer: I am in no way insinuating that I am skinny or thin or even better than any of these people. I myself, even when not with child, am overweight. I also realize and accept that many people are overweight due to uncontrollable circumstances. I love everyone regardless of size.

But I still walk.

I'm on a Roll

Thursday, October 9, 2008
I don't usually post two days in a row. It's your lucky day! So the only thing I really wanted to complain about today is the fact that I will never be able to wear normal clothes again. I feel this way because yesterday I spent the entire day with a snot covered shirt and refried bean pants. I guess that is the fun of having little ones right? I don't know why I even choose to wear clothes at all because they always get dirty.

I remember when Jackson was little it was throw up or milk that was consistently making an appearance on my clothes. Now it's just food. And snot. And the occasional (okay, a little more than occasional) spill from my own doing. But still...is there any cure?

What's even greater is that I am having another little baby. So that means leaky boobs and more vomit AND the stuff that Jackson decides to share with me.

Yesterday we had Mexican food. It was everywhere. Today he had a banana and a Nutri Grain bar which are both apparent on my pants.

This is the part where you would probably expect me to say something like "It's all worth it". Nah, it's not really. I love my boy and he constantly does cute things to make up for it. I just wish I could wear some black pants for one day.

Pimpkin Spice

Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I accidently put that 'I' there. It's funny so I'm leaving it.

I think this actually might be another hater blog, but with a lighter note. Basically life is looking up. We signed the lease on a townhome in Mesa. It's wonderful. Don't you worry, it's one block from Target, Taco Bell, Oreganos, and... I don't think anything else is that important. Oh yeah, Goodwill and the mall are close too. SWEET!

I love the Carmel Apple Spice (not coffeeified) from Starbucks. Would you be ashamed to know that I also love Java Chip Frappacinos? I'm not. It's time to let the secrets out. Mmmmm I also love the new flavored hot chocolates. The salted caramel one is SO good. Go get some. It's a fancy place and you will feel extra fancy for getting something from there. It rocks to be the sister of my sister. Does that make sense? My sis and her hubby have been going to the same Starbucks for like 20 years so they always get free coffee. If not free, it's super cheap and the people treat you like you are famous. Even the one closer to where they live, knows them too. The last two times I have gone to the drive-through on 24th street (the original one) all I have had to say is "I want a Steph and a Kevin", and then I get a happy "just pull around" response. Last night David and I went and ordered the Steph and Kevin and also the Emilee. She calls it a no foam caramel sauce latte. It's really just steamed milk with carmel. Notice how i keep spelling carmel different? I don't know which one it is. Anyway, David and I added to the order and got a warm milk for Jackson, a cookie for me and a large water for him. Guess how much it cost? NOTHING! In normal Starbucks world it would have cost something like $15.00. I know right? I loved my life. Then tonight the same thing. I got the Steph, Kevin, Emilee and a Caramel Apple Spice... and I'm pretty sure they only charged me like $2.00. Sweeeeeet.

Okay so what else? Oh yeah, I have been dying to say for sometime that I am never going to be the blogger that posts pictures of my crafts. Mostly because I don't do crafts. I wish I did because then I would be proud to show them off. I guess I am jealous of everyone else. I should be happy for them but I am totally a hater. Maybe I should rename my blog to "The Hater Blog" because that's what it's been lately. I have to go now. I need SRP to give me power. I wish they could give me superpowers but that's not gonna happen.

Who Gives?

Friday, October 3, 2008
Don't worry, it's only gotten worse. I know right? I won't bore you with details, but I will give a synopsis.

We found a house we loved and were going to rent it. Then it got leased before our real estate agent could get it for us. The same day.... worst day ever for hormones. Cried the whole way through it. Then we talked to the dealer about our car. He said insurance won't cover it (or some of it) because apparently it was in an accident before. Whoever did the work, did it crappily so a bunch of stuff is rusted. Great. Hmmm... what else? There are little things that have really gotten to me to the point of giving up on life. I know. Depressing right?

This is another hater blog.

I have pretty much ignored every single phone call in the last seventy two hours. I just feel like I don't have the energy to even talk to people. If you are one of the people I have ignored, please forgive me.

Come to my baby shower. Everyone is invited. It's gonna be a good time. It's on the 11th of October in Paulden at my moms house. 6:30 p.m. For the tons of Phoenix friends I have, can I have your info so we can get together and hang out?

Does anyone want to adopt a child? Super cute, smart and loveable (most the time). He sings, dances and even talks sometimes. Loves throwing tantrums, biting, and hitting his head on everything posible. Currently this lovebug has a cold so he is constantly leaving a snot trail. Also loves cell phones (calling random people) and the keyboard (won't let you type...EVER). His poop stance is pretty wonderful and the result is guaranteed to be super smelly. Please call 1 800-losing-my-sanity for a trial.