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I loke everyone

Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Current mood:exanimate

There is not much news to day. I actually have no new dramatical thing to say nor do I want to have anything like that to happen. I am just here.

I will meet with my psychologist today. She is a good one. She gives me homework. I like that.

Sharai and Brian are good ones. The other night was so fun. I seriously think that I burn a lot of calories when I hang out with them because they make me laugh so hard. Like the one time when we were watching the Da Vinci Code and Sharai farted for like two minutes during the most silent part. And then Brian and I both turned our backs on her so EVERYONE knew it was her.... that was SO funny.

I have a puppy for sale. She actually is free so she's not really for sale. I love her and all but we can't take her across the country. She is so cute. Please take her. She is only 3 months old and really sweet. She is wolf/labrador. She is black and gray and adorable. Please take her home with you. I will give you a food bowl and food and chew toys.

The end.

The secret it out

Friday, May 19, 2006
Current mood:content

It's official. David and I are moving to Lock Haven, Pennsylvania. It's a huge move and I am SO excited for it. I am excited for life to start progressing forward for us instead of staying at a standstill. There is so much opportunity for us out there. So I am happy.

On the other hand, I am sad to leave Chino Valley/Paulden for a few reasons. They are: Family, Sharai and Brian, and Cheer. Those are the ONLY reasons I feel sad for leaving. Dont worry cheer girls, everything is gonna be ok. I am going to take care of you.

I will miss everyone on this side of the country though. But the good ones and I will always stay in touch (Roommate, Chelle, sis's... etc.) Anyway, I am going to have a goodbye party for myself in which probably only like 4 people will attend as it was for my 21st b-day party. It's ok though.. because they are the ones that count.

Well all, thank you. I love everyone except old people and ugly children.

Just When....

Friday, May 12, 2006
Current mood:artistic You think that life can't get any worse. I feel like I am so tired of talking about all the bad stuff that has happened in life... but there is nothing else to talk about! I actually find that a bit amusing. I do realize that I need help. I went to a Al-Anon meeting with Steph the other night and it was so great. I was surrounded by people that have probably dealt with a lot worse things than I have, yet they were so upbeat and positive. I think I need that. THey have meetings in Prescott. I will go. So I went to certification classes today with Katie so that we can be cool and be certified cheer coaches. Hopefully Haddow will quit being an idiot and let me have tryouts this year. I am a good one now...all certified and stuff. Anyway, while I was there, I get this message from my sister saying that she is in the ER. WHAT? So I called her when I got out and apparently she was having some odd heart issues when she was at the gym. Very unnormal ones. They think maybe she had a heart attack but they don't know because she is so young. Oh yeah. Its her birthday too. Her hubby had this whole night planned. Romantic dinner, a SUPER nice suite at a hotel..etc. Instead, she is in a hospital with heart issues. Please pray for her. Also, my car is breaking down. Yes. I am in the middle of Phoenix traffic and it starts to stall and go all crazy. Good thing God loves me and knows I couldn't handle that. Anyway, there are some really good things happening though. We are talking about moving sooner than we thought and that makes me happy. I love David. He is a good one. I love everyone actually. Good night.

3 things

Tuesday, May 9, 2006
Current mood:tired What the heck is up with life lately? Excuse me while I vent. First of all, I am overwhelmed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Let me explain a little more. Physically: I have been dealing with woman issues since August of last year. They still don't know what the hell is wrong with me so I suffer and so does my husband because I don't feel like doing anything anymore because it has hurt so dam bad for so long that its just not fun. Emotionally: I don't even know where to begin. The loss of my dad has caused a lot of issues for me. I don't even know. I also feel really bad because I have noticed that I have become more distant with David. I know it is only because of the physical issues I am dealing with. Touch is a huge thing for him, and because of the absence of it, I feel embarrassed or guilty or something. He definately doesn't make me feel that way, its only me. I also am in a fight with one of my only friends. So that is hard Spiritually: I have talked about this enough but I still don't know where I stand here. I am so fed up with everything . We went to a different ward this week and I won't lie, it was one of the funnest times I have had. Probably because David and I were acting silly and I didn't even care who was watching. I am in the process of writing yet another letter to the First Presidency of the church because they need to know that what they did was wrong. Anyway, that is all for now. I wish I had cures for these issues. I am going to get help.

Update on my daddy

Tuesday, May 2, 2006
Current mood:good We got the autopsy report back from the Medical Examiners office the other day. It was a good one. They decided that the cause of death was actually not pneumonia, but rather due to a "sudden cardiac event." Specifically he had acute heart failure and valvular heart disease. These things have nothing to do with a heart attack. He actually had a pacemaker to help cure or deal with the heart beating too fast or too slow due to those things. Did it break? Or did God know what he was doing? I choose the latter. I feel comforted in knowing that there was nothing we could do. I know that God knew what he was doing and that He was in control. He still is. I am grateful for that. My dad is much happier now. That doesn't stop the hurt though. The toxicology report also showed that he had NO SIGN of substance abuse in his body. He actually had nothing in his body related to drugs. No antidepressants, no Ibuprofen for heavens sake. He was always in a lot of pain so that actually surprised me. Maybe not. Hmmm... things that make you think. I am relieved knowing the truth. I love my dad.