Wednesday, August 24, 2011

When you is po folk, the silly stuff becomes exciting. Like shopping for necessities.

I got to do that today.

Well see what happened is, every semester David gets a stipend for book money. It's supposed to stay on his school ID card but he's pretty much won everyone in that school over with his charm so they gave him cash dollars. He didn't buy books, we bought baby wipes.

What a thrill! I'm not even saying that sarcastically. I've been using my stash of travel sized shampoos to get me through until we got a few extra dollars to spend on stuff (full size bottles of shampoo and toothpaste!).

So I shopped my little heart out today (and I did it at Target!!!). It was FANTASTIC. Seriously.

Target and Incidentals are a few of my favorite things (raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens are now on the WAY back of my list).

Let's talk real briefly about my love of Target. You know about my Targasms don't you? If you don't, learn. And use the term. So I had one today. And I feel happy. I'm even going to the gym because of it. I know right?

Being poor isn't so bad. It causes so many things to happen! There's gratitude in the simple stuff for one! And two, you get skinnier because you can't eat. Except in my case. I just eat more of the disgusting stuff. People were concerned for me today because I had Ramen. But it was delicious and nutritious because there were eggs in it (thanks E. Holdy for the recipe!).

Anyway, I'm so excited to now report that we have baby wipes and dish soap. It's a great day. I also had to purchase some schooleo stuff. And that's ALWAYS a blast. Mmmm... happiness is in the isles of Target.

I cleverly titled this picture "Loot" cause that's what it is. And yes, I did buy the expensive mousse (i've been using my travel size of that too) because my hair deserves it. Otherwise it wouldn't look like

this. Wow. I'm really boasting right now. It doesn't even look that good up there. you can see the frizz. Oh well. Anyway, whatever. You get my point. I am gonna go gym it up. And then come home to a shower full of shampoo and body wash. SO excited.

I think I need to tell you something.

Sometimes when I read something on the F-book or on da blogs, I get this burning in my heart to go an a rampage. It could also be the hunger in my belly. But whatever.

There's been a stir in my world of online networking. Some people post some hate stuff and then people get all worked up and then there's fights and what-not.

Then there's some blogs I just.can' People post their opinion of stuff without realizing who their audience is. Now listen, I am NOT all about censoring but I think as a normal, functioning human being it is our job to be aware of our audience.  It doesn't always change things, but it maybe helps put thoughts/words into perspective.

I think this might be a little controversial. Because most of us write the way we write on purpose without care of offending. I only hope I can get to that point. But right now I still don't say the eff word the way I'd like to because I know that all my church peeps read this blog. It bugs. But these posts I read? They say things like, "I am right and better than you because I dress my kids well." No really. It's pretty much crap like that. I don't think I'd ever do that (even though  I am better than you because my husband and I try to match on Sundays. lol lol lol. Joke).

I don't even get my own point. I think what I'm trying to say here is that I hope I'm never that goob that thinks I'm holier-than-thou. And I hope that I do become the goob that is eventually comfortable enough in her own skin to write bad words freely. And I hope I'm always a little bit sensitive to my readers and if I'm not, I hope you'll tell me so!

Until then, I effin love you.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

All things I've heard today

Customer: I would like to discuss when ya'll are gonna pick up my trash.
Me: He'll be there today.
C: Okay well I set it out last night. And I've been out here just waitin. He hasn't been here yet."  (it's 11:52 a.m.)
M: You mean you've been waiting all night? We don't offer 24 hour service. Just kidding. What I really said was, Well he isn't finished yet. If he hasn't been there at around 3, give me a call and we'll take care of it then.(all said with a smile so I sound happy to be listening to his um... silliness?)

Another one

Customer: I have 2 cans and I'd only like one.
Me: Okay. When is your pick up day?
C: Tuesday
M:  OKay. You have a couple options. You can leave one can out tomorrow OR after we dump them both on Tuesday, we'll pick one up then.
C: Okay so I should leave the full one out there tomorrow and he'll dump it, then remove it Tuesday.
M: No, we don't have trucks that go out tomorrow in your area. You can just leave it there full and he'll pick it up.
C: So I should leave both cans out tomorrow and he'll dump one and take the other one?
M: No. You can just leave the full can and he'll take it.
C: I think I'm misunderstanding. Should I leave both cans out there?
M: No, please just leave one can out.
C: Then he'll dump it and remove it?

Was that not super confusing? She was super super lame.


Customer (who speaks in an british accent): I dahmn neuh threw thees bill away. (okay, it's too hard to try and spell like they talk.)
M: Sorry about that.
C: I get enough junk mail as it is. Is there any way you can not put advertisements on the back of your bills?
M: How long have you been a customer with us?
C: 5 years.
M: Well we've been doing the advertisements for over a year now.
C: I almost threw it away.
M: We'll send your bill in an envelope then.


C: I'd like to discuss my account
Me: Okay.
C: I didn't get picked up on Monday.
I proceeded to explain that with new customers (which is what he is) we give them 15 days to pay their bill (we bill in advance) and then set stop service because we have several people who sign up and take advantage of the fact that we don't require a deposit or sign-up fees.
C: Well I guess I've just never run into this before.
M: Oh you haven't? You mean you usually sign up for other utilities and they don't require a deposit or some kind of payment? You usually get a month free before you have to pay?  With APS they didn't ask for a $250 deposit? Or at the water company, I believe it's $75. That's interesting. Hm.

No. I didn't say that stuff. But I wanted to. I used my fake nice voice that I used with everyone these days.

Is there ANYTHING else I can hear complaints about today? Gross. Vomit. I hate everyone. I wish I could list some of the positive experiences I've had thus far. But I got nothin.

UPDATE: Customer that had 2 cans and wants to go to 1? She called back. She couldn't remember whether I told her to put her can out tomorrow or on Tuesday.

UPDATE: Caustomer that called about 2 cans and couldn't remember whether to put it out tomorrow? She called again. She asked if the can  needed to be empty or could it be full? Wow.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Who else hates to go emergency poo? Don't pretend like it's never happened to you. I'm the only one brave enough to talk about it.

Everyone poops.

Your mom? She poops. Your dad? He does too? The president? Yup. Spiritual/religious leaders? They all go number 2 as well.

So how come noone talks about it? Besides breathing, it's the one thing we all DO in common. Instead of "How are you?" we should say, "How are your poos?" lol. Just kidding. But kind of.

Anyway, I saw in this magazine the other day,

The Fully Automated S400 Washlet / Toilet by Toto

"Furniture Fashion usually reviews much more glamorous seating arrangements however we find ourselves giving the people what they want and often need, a toilet. The Toto S400 Washlet represents the ultimate in clean comfort and convenience with an automatic hands-free flushing system, and a sensor-activated lid that automatically lifts as you approach the toilet and lowers as you walk away. This fully automated toilet is equipped with front and rear washing, warm air drying with variable temperature setting, automatic air purifier, heated seat, and wireless remote with LCD screen. The hands free Toto Washlet is designed for convenience as well as enhanced sanitation and even features a super slick surface to resist against staining and assist in the cleaning process."

So when I have to make those runs (pun intended) to the potty, why not go (pun intended) to it in style?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

No one likes the kitty on Facebook. I hope you love him here. Does this work Jaime?

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Thursday, August 4, 2011

Mostly, I'm bloated. It makes me cranky. I gave myself and a friend a to-do list. On it were things like

1) Write a blog
2) look up a vacation where we can meet (like a cruise)
3) take a myspace pic and send it to someone
4) Spy on all ex lovers
5) Use

Well I did most of them (all within the afterhours of work. So like 15 minutes) okay, all of them actually. Except the vacation one. Because she did that part. Do you wanna see the Myspace Pic? I'll post it. No I can't. Because I did it at work and I think my boss reads this blog. And that might be uber-embarrassing. But you can text me and I'll send it to you!

Anyway, I feel all sorts of crazy emotions right now.

I'm surprised at how many Mormon girls are slutty skanks. It's very interesting. I don't know if I grew up in a home where it was overly-pushed on me or what, but I would never would have dressed the way some of these girls do. I mean, where's the modesty nowadays? And if you know me, you know that it's even a big deal I'm saying that because I'm the most liberal Mo you'll ever meet. I'm all about living/thinking "outside the box". So the skanks I'm talking about are really pushing the limits.

I'm talking about a see through t-shirt with a bra underneath. Like on purpose. Not only is that way 80's, but it's ugly. And whore-like. Gross. I'd rather see her wearing white leggings with panty lines. Ew.

So whatever. There's that.

And then I'm all feeling nauseous at the fact that women I know personally are married to gargoyle chauvinistic men. Gross. See. All of these things make me want to vomit in the trash can. Well that and my stomach hurts. I hope I don't forget to do spell check on this blog. Because I just spelled a couple words i KNOW are wrong.

I started this post on David and I's? My's? me's? whatever... relationship. I was trying to explain it to these certain crap-talking people the blog world so they would understand it. But I can't really do that. Although I'm trying and i'm the process. So I hope you look forward to that. Apparently people don't get that you can really have a relationship based on mutual understanding and respect. Where there is a father/dad who can take his children for a FULL DAY while the wife/mom plays. And that you can have a man who actually cooks meals AND CLEANS! Whoa. But then I might have to realize too that I have a man who is an exception the rule I think. He's perfect. Sorry ladies. Gross. That's vomitey too. The bragging goob stuff. Anyway, he sort of is. In fact today, he sent me a picture of my sandals that he fixed. Which means he probably sewed them. I know right?

I"m gonna go before you come after me.