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Here is a Fluffy Blog, Since Im Not Allowed to Complain

Friday, November 28, 2008
This blog will not contain anything about my long nights/days with a newborn and toddler. However, the words below are written as a preface to any other blog I might write.
Disclaimer: To those of you who might be trying to get pregnant for your first or second time, I love you. My heart goes out to you. I pray for you. I apologize for anything I might have said in the past that would have offended or hurt you. However, I will not apologize any further for remarks regarding my personal difficulty with being a mom to a newborn and a toddler.I write these for me own personal record, as if it is a journal. Your opionion of me is NONE of my business. (I only wish you would keep it yours instead of making it public on Myspace). Anyway, if you agree to these terms and services, I hope you keep reading. However, if you don't, STOP reading my blog.

In all sincerity, L

Wishing

Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I wish for a week or two I could write like Jaime. She is such a good one. Her blogs are always so poetic and wonderful. I always feel like I am reading a novel by a very smart person when I read her posts.

Instead I have to settle for what I am. I'm not even sure what that is. Today I was thinking that I very much feel like a mother ALL the time. What happened to lazy days and sleeping in? It depresses me when my mom tells me that I won't really know what  a good nights sleep is for say.... 15 years. Does anyone have any solace for me? I'm not gonna complain too much because I love my babies.

This time around I feel so much more comfortable with being a mom. I am not stressing so much about the little things like making sure she is all covered when I bathe her, or cleaning her umbilical cord EVERY time (My doctor actually said that it's no longer a big deal to do it). The little things... they don't matter so much as enjoying the moments.

I haven't really been enjoying the moments though. I've been more frustrated than anything. I hate being so tired. I hate the sound of the yucky wail she lets out for no reason except she wants to suck on my boob. Seriously. This girl doesn't even want to eat, she just wants to suck. Not on a binky, not on a bottle, just on my booby. It drives me frickin crazy.

I love my Tom Cruise baby right now. He is wearing a shirt with socks and no pants. His socks are black though and he is WAY cuter than Mr. Cruise.


Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for many things. I won't list them because that would take too long. I love everyone. 

A Look Back at my VBAC

Tuesday, November 25, 2008
So...here's the story. It's only taken me a week and a half to actually sit down and write the dang thing. I wanna get it down on paper before I forget all the details and before I forget how INCREDIBLE the pain was. I have heard that you forget after awhile. Don't worry, I haven't.

I had an appointment on Friday in the morning. It was the second that week. I became pretty familiar with the people there because I was going so often. I guess when you are overdue, you have more risk. Or something. I can't complain. A few of my friends have been way more overdue than me. I just wanna complain about it.

So Theresa, one of my doctor's midwives was the one that was seeing me because my doctor (Dr. Kells) was out of town till that night at 10 p.m. Anyway, she said she would do the best she could at getting me my baby. She stripped my membranes (sounds awful right?) and I went on my way.

I contracted all day which wasn't unusual because I have been contracting since 22 weeks. That day though, I was having them way more than usual. A little more painful and lasting a little longer. I didn't wanna go in though, because I hate being tied down to machines.

Well there we were, 10:00 at night, hanging out. I had showered, David was playing his game, Chelsi was with me on the couch... chillin like a villain. My mom called or we called her, and while my sister Chelsi was talking to her I had this unbelievable painful contraction and i knew it was time to go. It was perfect timing. Chelsi was already on the phone with mom, I was showered (although with no makeup and non-straight bangs),and David was able to tell everyone on World of Warcraft (a.k.a. the rest of the fam. almost). David was so cute during the entire thing. He was shaking and nervous and so wonderful. I put on the most awful clothes. No bra, a sweatshirt that came to my mid belly and sweatpants. I was sexy I tell ya. So we go on our way... the entire time contracting horribly.

I couldn't even walk to the doors of the hospital without stopping. We got to the check-in and they let me go straight back to Triage where I just waited... by myself for David to do the checking in stuff. He got back to me and had to do more work because I couldn't even talk. He answered all of the questions (correctly even!), and I just contracted and begged for a C-Section. The pain was so awful I didn't even want to go through with the vaginal birth thing. I swear, it was so miserable. After whining and crying and saying I couldn't do it a million times, I went into this mode of silence. I'm not kidding. Oh yeah, my water broke after being in Triage for about 20 minutes. Anyway, I stayed silent until they moved me to my Labor and Delivery room. They made me switch beds! The nerve of those people! While I was slowly moving to the next bed, my IV popped out and I bled like crazy. I pretty much thought I was going to die at that point. I had my fists dug deep into that bed so I'm sure it didn't help. Karyne (my nurse) so amazingly got another IV into my other wrist (still impounded into the bed) so I could get my epidural more quickly. The stupid anesthesiologist (spelling?) came in, left again, came in, and left a million times. Once for a coughing fit, once because I was too sweaty and he had to get special sticky stuff, and once for a lunch break. jk. It just felt like that. Anyway, during all of this commotion my doc came in to check me and I was a complete. I had just received the epidural and was ready to go. By that time, my family was just walking in the doors and I was ready to push. No, that's a lie. I didn't want to push. I was still feeling everything. Oh my goodness. Awful. I begged for more epidural but they kept saying I couldn't have more because I had just enough to do what they wanted it to. The anest... whatever, told me that because I was a VBAC he couldn't leave me on a constant drip or something. I don't know. All I know is that I hated him. But loved him too because I couldn't feel the cutting open of my vagina. I could feel the contractions, and the leg pain, and everything associated, but not all of it I guess.

So after two hours of pushing, the baby girl came out. Yes. I even watched (with a mirror). I know it could have happened sooner if I was willing to push more. It was crazy and amazing and wonderful. I was so delighted and happy. Everyone else was exhausted and ready to sleep. That was the funnest part. The afterwards.

I was a little bit loopy during the whole birthing thing. Here are a few quotes.

Me: My vagina is a big hole!


Dr. Kells: Do you like to swim?
Me: I would like to swim. (Pause) If I wasn't fat!!


Me: Everyone here has prettier vagina's than me. I'm sad.

Me: I feel like I'm pooping!!!

Dr. Kells: Are you pushing as hard as you can?
Me: Noooo, I could do better. (whining)

Me (to Chelsi and David): Stop breathing on me!!!
(they were eating rice cake things and the smell made me wanna die).

Oooooh, I'm so thankful Dr. Kells made it back in time. He had just returned from his business trip and came over to deliver me. Mostly cause I'm special. lol.

Overall, it was an experience for sure. I almost wrote good until I realized that it wasn't necessarily good. It was a lot of things. Anyway, after it was over, I wanted to walk to postpartum but they wouldn't let me. So I can say that that part was WAY better than a C-Section. I was up and peeing and doing things all on my own. I LOVED and still love that part. If I were to ever do it again, I'd do the vajayjay birth only I'd go into the hospital WAY sooner. For now though, I'll stick with my million dollar family.

Thanks for sticking with me and reading this entirely too long post. You are a true friend.

Meet Contraction!

Thursday, November 20, 2008
Just kidding. Her name is not Contraction. Although I think some of you actually thought that was what I was gonna name her. Her name is....




And we love her.


Emilee, Sis, and Dare

My support staff!
She seriously has the longest toes ever! Fingers too. Piano player maybe?
He is doing so well with her. Just wants to kiss her all the time. And sometimes poke her eyes out. lol.
Grandma and Grandpa Nickle





Sweet bundle of love.

Contraction Nickle

Wednesday, November 12, 2008
That's her name everyone! Surprise! People have been asking and we have been hesitant to share what our final pick was(is) but we figured it is time to let the secret out. Contraction Marie Nickle. Do you like it?

I'm now what? FIVE days overdue. Thanks. I would definately like some sympathy here. I actually came home today in a cranky mood because of it. I have been fine until now. Now I am just rageful.

Went to the doctor today. Everything is fine and dandy. No low fluids, she's in a good position (really low), dialtated to about a 4, blah blah blah. He said I could have scheduled a C-section tonight, well last night, well whatever (on Tuesday night) or I could wait till Saturday when he gets back from his business trip. OR I can just wait it out. However if (WHEN) she comes, he won't be there to deliver me if it occurs tonight through Saturday and the on call Doc will have to do it. Stressful for him (the other doc) he says, because he doesn't know my medical history. Ugh. I have another appointment on Friday. I'm tired of appointments. Being weighed and peeing in a cup is not exactly my favorite thing to do.

The ultrasound said she weighs 9 pounds 1 ounce. It could be off a pound or two. Let's hope in the lower direction. I want a small baby this time around. I want her to wear newborn clothes. You know the ones that are for 5-8 pounders?

My feet are swollen a little bit tonight. How is it possible that two pregnancies can be SO different? Is there a medical explanation? With Jackson I was gigantic and fat and huge. No one even told me. I had swankles and swollen fingers and growing pains and I hated my life. This time around it's been pretty great. No swankles, not AS much water weight, and I'm doing alright. I have been contracting since 22 weeks though (hence the name). Maybe it was the testosterone from Jackson being a boy. It goes to show that I shouldn't have been one. I'd be way fatter and crankier.

But seriously? 40 weeks PLUS? That's ridiculous. Maybe with all of this complaining, I will get my water to break. Oh yeah, whoever tells you to walk to get your contractions going is a piece of crap. Wow. Did I really just say that? I didn't mean it. What I mean is, whoever tells you to walk is a liar. Is that better? My doctor (who has all sorts of smart people degrees) told me that walking only helps when you are in ACTIVE labor. Otherwise it just wears and tires you out. SO, I asked what WOULD help get labor going. Guess what he said? Having sex. Uh-huh. That's the first and ONLY thing he said. Ugh. Are you kidding? That's the last thing on my mind. To let you in on too much information, I have wanted to um... you know... do it... once... in the last little while. He missed his oppportunity though. The window closed. Now I see myself as nothing but Jabba the Hutt, pregnant. If that's what it takes though, I just might give in. Wish me luck. Or maybe you should wish HIM luck. Lol. I'm funny.

Stop Sending Me Hater Messages

Sunday, November 9, 2008
Seriously. I'm over it. You don't like Obama. I get it. I don't appreciate the disgusting prejudice hater texts and e-mails.

Don't send them and then write things that say "I am excited to see what he will do as a president. It's good to have change."

That's totally hypocritical.

I may or may not like him. I won't tell you. Either way, I am not prejudice. Even if you are joking, it's the mentality spreading around. Ha ha ha it's a joke until everyone decides to go nuts and do stupid crazy things. I'm extreme yes. Do I care? No. I'm pregnant. Two days overdue thanks.

Speaking of which, when is she coming? I don't know. Does anyone wanna make a bet? I'll send out a prize or something. Oh wait, no I won't. But maybe I will. I have lots of new baby girl clothes. I'll send you one if you get it right. Lol. I'm funny. I think we are officially ready. We have the car back now. Remember how I was in an accident? We finally got my beauty of an Apple back with the camera charger in tact. I think God knew I needed those things before she could come. So... yay.

Well, I'm going to attempt to get ready for church. I'm reposting this to my blogger blog because it's important.


I just wanna say one more thing about our future Elect. We don't know how things are going to turn out. 

It's That Important

Seriously. I'm over it. You don't like Obama. I get it. I don't appreciate the disgusting prejudice hater texts and e-mails.

Don't send them and then write things that say "I am excited to see what he will do as a president. It's good to have change."

That's totally hypocritical.

I may or may not like him. I won't tell you. Either way, I am not prejudice. Even if you are joking, it's the mentality spreading around. Ha ha ha it's a joke until everyone decides to go nuts and do stupid crazy things. I'm extreme yes. Do I care? No. I'm pregnant. Two days overdue thanks.

Speaking of which, when is she coming? I don't know. Does anyone wanna make a bet? I'll send out a prize or something. Oh wait, no I won't. But maybe I will. I have lots of new baby girl clothes. I'll send you one if you get it right. Lol. I'm funny. I think we are officially ready. We have the car back now. Remember how I was in an accident? We finally got my beauty of an Apple(her name) back with the camera charger in tact. I think God knew I needed those things before baby girl could come. So... yay.

Well, I'm going to attempt to get ready for church. I'm reposting this to my blogger blog because it's important. (I originally posted this to my Myspace).

I just wanna say one more thing about our future Elect. We don't know how things are going to turn out.