A Look Back at my VBAC

So...here's the story. It's only taken me a week and a half to actually sit down and write the dang thing. I wanna get it down on paper before I forget all the details and before I forget how INCREDIBLE the pain was. I have heard that you forget after awhile. Don't worry, I haven't.

I had an appointment on Friday in the morning. It was the second that week. I became pretty familiar with the people there because I was going so often. I guess when you are overdue, you have more risk. Or something. I can't complain. A few of my friends have been way more overdue than me. I just wanna complain about it.

So Theresa, one of my doctor's midwives was the one that was seeing me because my doctor (Dr. Kells) was out of town till that night at 10 p.m. Anyway, she said she would do the best she could at getting me my baby. She stripped my membranes (sounds awful right?) and I went on my way.

I contracted all day which wasn't unusual because I have been contracting since 22 weeks. That day though, I was having them way more than usual. A little more painful and lasting a little longer. I didn't wanna go in though, because I hate being tied down to machines.

Well there we were, 10:00 at night, hanging out. I had showered, David was playing his game, Chelsi was with me on the couch... chillin like a villain. My mom called or we called her, and while my sister Chelsi was talking to her I had this unbelievable painful contraction and i knew it was time to go. It was perfect timing. Chelsi was already on the phone with mom, I was showered (although with no makeup and non-straight bangs),and David was able to tell everyone on World of Warcraft (a.k.a. the rest of the fam. almost). David was so cute during the entire thing. He was shaking and nervous and so wonderful. I put on the most awful clothes. No bra, a sweatshirt that came to my mid belly and sweatpants. I was sexy I tell ya. So we go on our way... the entire time contracting horribly.

I couldn't even walk to the doors of the hospital without stopping. We got to the check-in and they let me go straight back to Triage where I just waited... by myself for David to do the checking in stuff. He got back to me and had to do more work because I couldn't even talk. He answered all of the questions (correctly even!), and I just contracted and begged for a C-Section. The pain was so awful I didn't even want to go through with the vaginal birth thing. I swear, it was so miserable. After whining and crying and saying I couldn't do it a million times, I went into this mode of silence. I'm not kidding. Oh yeah, my water broke after being in Triage for about 20 minutes. Anyway, I stayed silent until they moved me to my Labor and Delivery room. They made me switch beds! The nerve of those people! While I was slowly moving to the next bed, my IV popped out and I bled like crazy. I pretty much thought I was going to die at that point. I had my fists dug deep into that bed so I'm sure it didn't help. Karyne (my nurse) so amazingly got another IV into my other wrist (still impounded into the bed) so I could get my epidural more quickly. The stupid anesthesiologist (spelling?) came in, left again, came in, and left a million times. Once for a coughing fit, once because I was too sweaty and he had to get special sticky stuff, and once for a lunch break. jk. It just felt like that. Anyway, during all of this commotion my doc came in to check me and I was a complete. I had just received the epidural and was ready to go. By that time, my family was just walking in the doors and I was ready to push. No, that's a lie. I didn't want to push. I was still feeling everything. Oh my goodness. Awful. I begged for more epidural but they kept saying I couldn't have more because I had just enough to do what they wanted it to. The anest... whatever, told me that because I was a VBAC he couldn't leave me on a constant drip or something. I don't know. All I know is that I hated him. But loved him too because I couldn't feel the cutting open of my vagina. I could feel the contractions, and the leg pain, and everything associated, but not all of it I guess.

So after two hours of pushing, the baby girl came out. Yes. I even watched (with a mirror). I know it could have happened sooner if I was willing to push more. It was crazy and amazing and wonderful. I was so delighted and happy. Everyone else was exhausted and ready to sleep. That was the funnest part. The afterwards.

I was a little bit loopy during the whole birthing thing. Here are a few quotes.

Me: My vagina is a big hole!

Dr. Kells: Do you like to swim?
Me: I would like to swim. (Pause) If I wasn't fat!!

Me: Everyone here has prettier vagina's than me. I'm sad.

Me: I feel like I'm pooping!!!

Dr. Kells: Are you pushing as hard as you can?
Me: Noooo, I could do better. (whining)

Me (to Chelsi and David): Stop breathing on me!!!
(they were eating rice cake things and the smell made me wanna die).

Oooooh, I'm so thankful Dr. Kells made it back in time. He had just returned from his business trip and came over to deliver me. Mostly cause I'm special. lol.

Overall, it was an experience for sure. I almost wrote good until I realized that it wasn't necessarily good. It was a lot of things. Anyway, after it was over, I wanted to walk to postpartum but they wouldn't let me. So I can say that that part was WAY better than a C-Section. I was up and peeing and doing things all on my own. I LOVED and still love that part. If I were to ever do it again, I'd do the vajayjay birth only I'd go into the hospital WAY sooner. For now though, I'll stick with my million dollar family.

Thanks for sticking with me and reading this entirely too long post. You are a true friend.


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  2. Girl you are toooo Funny! And dont worry you will forget about the pain, after all if you remembered that forever do you think anyone would have more kids? Cant wait for more pics. and congrads on being able to be human again right a ways,lol.

  3. yaaaay. I love your stories... I can hear you saying those funny things... glad it was 'an experience' :) ly!

  4. oh, geez, i love your funny grossness! i want to be there at every moment you go through delirious pain so i can hear you say funny things. then i'll give you a morphine drip or whatever and then you'll get even funnier. let's do that! good job at the birthing, by the way. make sure you don't leave out these quotes when retelling this to sadie!

  5. Gotta love those births...the pain is something that you can never truly explain to anyone..Good job!!