Monday, March 31, 2008

I thought the drama would end in high school. Little did I know, it was just beginning. I feel that because I am an adult, it should stop. It just keeps going... like the energizer bunny. Except that drama isn't pink and fuzzy.

At least I have a few good friends and really good family members who are there amidst it all. Is that even a word? Amidst? For them, I am thankful.

Church was really good yesterday. I actually bore my testimony. I only do it when my heart pounds out of my chest. It only started to do that at the end of the meeting. Wouldn't that be my luck? Anyway, I could actually see my heart beating out of my chest. It was crazy. I bore my testimony of the knowledge I have that the Plan of Salvation is a real thing. I never thought twice about it until my dad died. It was then that it really hit me. I remember having a discussion one day with Alyssa and David about it too. It was at that moment, that it hit me again. It was such a nice reminder. I was putting myself in Alyssa's shoes and hearing the plan of happiness for the first time would be a little overwhelming, but SO amazing. What comfort it is to know we can be with our loved ones again.

I think that is the basis of my testimony right now. I think it changes from time to time. I think it changes for us all at different times in our lives. I've asked myself over and over why it is that I keep coming back. There is so much about the church that I don't like. Maybe it's not the church, it's the culture of the church. Anyway, I can't deny what I know. I really just can't. Plus, the time will come that the church of Jesus Christ will be more simply, the church of Jesus Christ and there won't be so much "stuff" that we have to deal with. At least I hope for that day.

I made tater tot caserole today. Okay, I didn't. David did. But I got the recipe and I helped kind of. It was delicious and the only thing I really could stomach today. Our little family is getting sick.

Funny story of the weekend. It's not really that funny. Jackson fell out of his stroller and fell flat on his face. Poor guy. The thing is though, is that Jackson ended up being fine except for his bloody nose and fat lip. He looked so cute. I know that is awful of me to say but he was so sweet and snuggly because of it. Anyway, Dad ended up being worse off than Jackson. He came home really shaken up. I was actually worried. David said that after it happened Jackson wouldn't look at anyone for about 10 minutes. He was really scared. I felt so bad for them both it was just a sweet thing that David was so worried about his little baby boy.

I'm gonna go read the books. You know "The Book". No, not the Book of Mormon (even though I should do that). I started reading the latest craze. The vampire series by Stephanie Meyer. I highly reccommend it.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Yes, I’m feeling sad for myself today... and probably for the next couple of days. Wanna judge?
2 years already and it still feels like yesterday.

As I was reading through some quotes about dads, I found one that I feel fits perfectly...

"It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was." -Anne Sexton

My dad struggled through life. Don’t we all though? I think the hardest part of it all is the fact that it was just starting to get really good for him. He had moved from Utah to AZ to be with us girls. He lived with Steph and Kevin for awhile before moving to Paulden to be with us. David’s dad had given him a great opportunity to work doing what he loved, excavating. He was an expert on the backhoe. Ross (David’s dad) had also given him keys to his own place, a trailer out on the property he would be working on. My dad was so excited. He called me while David and I were out of town. I wish I would have saved that message. He told me he was so excited to start over and that he wanted to take us out to dinner. He told me to tell David he loved him. He also said he loved me. The sound of his voice was different. He really was excited.

Later we found out that Ross was the last one to see him alive. My dad told Ross not to tell me that he was planning on surprising me by going to church. He also said he felt like this was his chance to start new. He was thankful to Ross for the opportunities he had given him.

I truly believe it was his chance. He made a change. I think we all knew that. I also think that’s why it is/was so hard. His life had only begun.

Although my dad worried a lot, I love what his voicemail said, "Don’t stress." What a sweet reminder.

Although I don’t have a lot of memories of him (or my childhood for that matter), I do remember some things. I remember him taking with me on drives. I remember getting to ride the backhoe with him and telling everyone that I wanted to be a construction worker like my dad. I remember building a snowman with him. I remember going to McDonalds with him to get dollar double cheeseburgers. I remember his moccasins. I remember the smell of coffee, vanilla and cigarettes.  I remember him laying on the bed in Stephs house and me laying in the crevice of his arm as he watched the game. His "girly drink", a vanilla cappacino. I remember him coming home from work, me so excited that I heard our song that day.  I remember when I found him, the old school music playing, the dart board up and the scriptures in his bag.

Just one more memory. This one comes from today. Lately, David and I have been leaving the radio on at night for background noise. Well, this morning  I got up to go pee. It was three a.m. I came back to the room and guess what was just starting on the radio? Red Red Wine. That’s our song.


Sunday, March 23, 2008

It’s like a breath of fresh air being on the world of Myspace. I missed it. Here’s what I learned:
1. I spent a lot of time on here.
It was a weird feeling to get on the computer for the day and have nothing to check but my gmail. And then I was done. Oh so boring. But I survived AND I started a new blog.  The address is  . I wish I would have named it something different because it’s really mostly about me. And Jackson. But you should check it out and if you have one too, let me know.
I can’t believe I didn’t get on myspace for a month and a week. I’m not prideful or anything. Oh wait, yes I am .
I love everyone. Except nasty b!tche$ who write nasty text messages. Sorry Mormons for the bad word... and it’s even Easter. I hope the Lord will forgive me.

Well I’m gonna go eat cake that Alyssa so generously shared with me. I’ll write some more later. 

Monday, March 17, 2008

I'm so lucky. It's Saint Patricks day and I got lucky. Not in that sense you dirty minded people. My phone arrived though. I was so happy. At first I was in a bad mood because I left for seriously 45 minutes to go to Wal-Mart, came back and the FedEx people had come by. They didn't leave my phone because I had to sign for it. Thank goodness for the nice FedEx man who tried a second time. Whoop! He said when he has extra time he'll try twice. Lucky lucky me. Anyway, that's all. Sometimes I like to brag. No, I'm just happy to no longer be the ghetto old school person with the fat phone.
Okay. I need to shower now.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

I wish I could be organized. I wish I could have a schedule. I wish I could sew. I wish I could lose 35 pounds. Maybe instead of wishing, I should DO! Ehh.... nah. I'm okay. As long as I am doing the best that I can, that's all that matters. Good thing God loves imperfect people.

I'm hungry.

I semi-cleaned up my office today. I don't know how David is going to feel about having to share his space with my scrapbooking stuff. I've aquired so much recently that my spiffy carrying case just doesn't do it anymore. I bought fifteen Michaels %40 coupons from eBay for $1.98 (total). Jenny and I had some fun this weekend. We got some good stuff. I got a paper organizer, and a color wheel. I'm so excited about it.

Our relief society b-day party was this weekend. I enjoyed it very much. Jenny cheated and got us the same colored sticky thing so we wouldn't have to seperate during classes. I loved all of the classes. We had one on excercize and I am sore. I thought I was doing well. Apparently not.

I was telling Jenny yesterday that most of the occurences from the R.S. b-day came from our branch. Although we are small, we are mighty in talent. 2 of the 3 classes were taught by women of our branch. And the gorgeous cake was made by a lady in our branch as well. I'm not prideful or anything right? :-)

Time for a nap or food I think.

Oh yeah!!! Jackson officially stood on his own today. Okay, not really. But he stood hanging on to something by himself. I think he was happy about it too. Time to get the baby book out.....

Sunday, March 9, 2008

It's kind of sad how much I like television. I wish I didn't. I am such a fan though, of reality t.v. I can't get enough. Let's see, right now there is Big Brother (my all time fav.), Survivor, and this new one I just started watching tonight called Here Come the Newlyweds. Instead of watching those shows I should probably excercise. I know "they" say you can excercise while you watch, uh.... no you can't. Not if I want to get all of it.

I put quotations around the "they" in the previous paragraph because I have often wondered who "they" are. They say that you shouldn't do this, or they say you should that. Whatever. Until I know who they are, I'm gonna do whatever I want.

Jackson is officially spoiled. Or maybe it's just that his mom is attached. I started to hold him and snuggle him before he went to sleep until he fell asleep. Tonight I went to put him down in his crib and he cried and cried. I picked him up, brought him out to the living room and he went right to sleep on my chest. He even buried his face in my shirt. It was so cute. It's true what "they" say (lol), babies grow up way to fast.

I want a cat. I love them. I keep seeing them all over the neighborhood and they are so cute. Can everyone keep a secret from my landlord if I get one? Oh wait, she is in my branch. I should probably not lie.

Okay. I go now to eat or something (since that's my favorite thing).

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

I've come to a realization lately. I want to change my ways. I want to stop talking crap about people. I realized I do it without realizing it. Does that make sense? I have come to the conclusion there is no point to it. If I need to vent, there are things called journals. I really really really wanna stop. I hope the people in my life will support me in this endeavor. Please don't do it around me, please don't allow me to do it.

J and I had this thing going where if we said something negative about someone, we had to say 3 positive things. It worked for awhile and it felt good. However, I think I want to stop completely. I have found myself on the other side of the crap talk lately and it doesn't feel good. It really doesn't feel good. And what was the point? It only made me feel bad. Imagine the things I say about other people? Imagine if they found out like I did... It would break their heart i'm sure and I don't want to be held accountable for that.

It's gonna be tough, but I want to do it. SO bad.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

A good one from Steph:

"Sixteen years ago I learned an important life lesson, in the back of a New York City taxi cab.

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded,and missed the other car by mere inches! The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was actually friendly!

So, I asked him, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and could've sent us to the hospital!"

And this is when my taxi driver told me aboutwhat I now call, "The Law of Garbage Trucks."

"Many people are like Garbage Trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it, and if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. Instead, just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happier because you did."

Wow. That really got me thinking about how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? AND, how often do I then take their garbage and spread it onto other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I resolved, "I'm not going to do it anymore."

Since then, I have started to see Garbage Trucks everywhere. Just as the kid in the Sixth Sense movie said, "I see dead people," I can now say, "I see Garbage Trucks." :)

I see the load they're carrying ... I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on."

Monday, March 3, 2008

We just got back from our trip to NY. Actually, we got back last night. We left Friday afternoon. It was supposed to take 4 hours but ended up taking 7!!! The snow was awful. We were caravanning with another vehicle and luckily both cars had 4 wheel drive. Thanks to J for being brave and driving the whole way. Luckily we had an iPod to keep us entertained. The girls went to see the Falls and we went shopping. i have actually already seen them (the Falls). I went with David and his family back in 02'. It was summertime and gorgeous. Unfortunately this time around it was cold and wet. I was happy to relive the memory though ♥. I remember sneaking a kiss so we could add Canada to our list of places.

We competed on Sunday (yes, bad Mormon right?). We did not place as high as we hoped but the girls still did the best they ever have. They hit every stunt and did amazing. I was so proud. Their outfits were great, their hair was great, the music was great, they were simply fabulous!!! A couple of girls from another team actually asked to take their picture because they liked their outfits so much.

I'm happy to be home. I think this weekend was one of the longest of my life. I had some good times and some bad, but I am gonna try and remember only the good. I think that's all for now. I'm gonna see if I can upload the video of the girls competing.
Okay, I'm just adding the link to my Picasa Cheer album. Go watch it here ! Yay!