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We R Who We R: But who R we?

Saturday, June 30, 2012
I see a lot of people write in their "About Me's" that they are members of a certain congregation. A lot of the people I follow are LDS. I had to check my own About Me to see if I had written it in or not. I am wondering what it is that makes people feel like they have to include it. What really defines me? Or you?
I've experienced a lot of introspection lately. I actually just looked that up. I wasn't sure it was a word but it's totally what came to my mind. And I'm still not sure I've used it correctly. Anyway, from the same site, this quote: "Plato is thought to have referenced introspection when he asked, "…why should we not calmly and patiently review our own thoughts, and thoroughly examine and see what these appearances in us really are?"

Remember that post I told you not to read? Since then, I've really begun to think about who I am. The whole change in our relationship (mine and David's) has caused me to reflect on a lot of things.

Except it's hard to concentrate and focus when there are 3 kids downstairs screaming about who is the fastest and biggest. Emilee says to Jackson, "it's because I eat carrots. Do you eat carrots?" And Jackson said, "I ate carrots at Londyns party". Thanks Emilee. And thanks Emilee's parents for instilling in her the truth. That carrots make you big and strong.

Anyway, having David actually say outloud that part about our own personal journies has caused me to really reflect on what my journey is.

I realize that I am on my own journey in life and feeling validated in that has given me immense satisfaction. I think that's what I've always wanted from him. For him to understand that that is how I've felt for so long. It has also allowed me to feel at peace about the fact that regardless of my own journey, I'm also on one with him. There are a lot of paths in life. I have my own, the one I'm on with him and the one I'm on with our family. It's kind of great. They are not all the same. And no matter how much you want to disagree, I'm right.

Somewhere they merge but that path is muddy. I think it's supposed to be that way.

Why the crap am I writing about this? I think I veered off my original road for this post. Anyway, defining who we are. A lot of people list the things that they do, as if they are the things that define them. And maybe thats the definition for some people.

So what defines you?

While you are thinking about it, here are some lyrics to inspire you:

Tonight we’re going har har-har ha-ha-hard
Just like the world is our our-our our-our-ours
We’re tearin’ it apart part-part pa-pa-part
You know we’re superstars, we are who we are!

Blah, Blah, Blah

Sunday, June 24, 2012
That's basically all I was going to put and then post it. Cause that's totally how I'm feeling. Overwhelmed and stressed out and I feel like I can't bear the pressure anymore and that I'm about to frickin' explode all over everyone. Like literally burst into flames. It could totally happen. I'm a redhead after all.

So you know how I said that my daily life is worth blogging about? It totally is. Just today I went to the store. Granted, I only had 2 kids with me so I don't have much to complain about. Except I will.

We had a few errands to run that shouldn't have taken much time. Do I hear you laughing? I had the pre-schoolers with me. So it definitely took awhile. First to the post office where we mailed some invites. Instead of putting them in all at once, they did them one at a time. First Sadie and then Jackson. So there we were... at the post office... for much time. Then to the store. I tried not to be that mom you want to yell at for yelling at her kids. I don't even need to give you details because I'm sure many of you know what it's like trying to maneuver the isles with 2 kids either hanging on or around the cart and knocking things over and asking for fruit snacks and candy bars. At least my kids are awesome and don't throw tantrums when they don't get their way. They just ask for something else. lol.

Because they did well at the store we got chocolate milk. We went to the car where I did NOT return my cart to the cart stall (Hello! I'm tired!) and headed home when Jackson promptly spilt his chocolate milk all over the car. Chocolate milk. It's summer. It's milk. Really?

Oh well.

Can I please talk about people now? I'm even willing to talk about people in front of their backs. But kind of not because it's on this blog and they might even read it. I feel like people aren't being gentle with me. And I know that is a completely gross thing to say and it totally represents everything I generally hate but whatev. It's my turn I guess. I feel like there can't possibly be anymore demands for my time and my money and my energy than there are now. And I don't know how to tell people no, or ask for the things I need. So instead I just throw a mini pity party here on this blog and I won't say anything and I'll just be exploding soon.

This is always how it was for me growing up. I know that was a mixture of tenses but I had to say it that way. Anyway, I had this internal jar that I would fill up with emotions unspoken. Eventually it would get full and I would explode into lots of little pieces all over the place. Since then, I've grown a little and at least tried to speak my peace even if I've done a crappy job at it. But at this time I feel like there are a million different places where I need to speak that peace and I don't even have the energy for it. I wish I could be specific but I fear I might hurt feelings and then that vicious cycle will start again. I'm gonna go write those specifics down somewhere else where hopefully I can release and let go.

The end.

Don't Read This Post and I Won't Read Yours

Monday, June 18, 2012
It's true. I totally skip over everyones disgustingly lovey Mothers Day and Fathers Day posts. So obviously I have to write my own. I don't know if I ever have (written a Fathers Day specific post). This one is gonna be about David. So go away.

He would be totally embarrasssed if he knew I was posting this picture but it makes me completely happy. He sent this to me from China with it saved as "me for lisa" so again, I obviously have to post it on the interweb for all of you to see.

He's super hot right? I think so. Anyway, I think I probably said before that not everyone is as lucky as we are to have a chance to be away from each other for so long.

We've done this before but it's different this time.

The mission was hard but I wasn't married to him and we didn't have kids.

Last summer was hard but we didn't have a newborn and it was only for a month.

This time it's hard but it's different.

Oh gosh. You REALLY don't want to keep reading. The only reason I'm writing this post is because I want a documentation of these feelings.

I love this dude. Like so much you don't even know. I honestly feel like we have something that a lot of people don't. I know a few people who I can see it in, but it's rare.

I was putting the kids to bed the other night and I thought about him coming home and hanging out with him and I literally got giddy. Like giddy excited.

And then I thought about spending eternity with him and it was the same. He's kind of a big deal.

I think that Jackson is a sweet boy and I know he gets it from David. He's unlike so many men I know in that he's totally sensitive in an unafraid kind of way. Like he loves to hug and kiss Jackson (and Sadie too) and be sweet with him instead of all manly-gross. And Jackson therefore portrays that. It's great.

We had this kind of deep discussion today via Skype instant messaging. lol. I want to quote part of what he said.

"I hope this doesn't come out wrong because it is very important to me.  I basically worship you in my heart.  You are my everything...but you know too that I have sometimes gotten on you about things...which is senseless...anyway, I have really learned that I AM NOT YOU...and the more I understand about our own personal journey's, the more I realize that you are perfect the way you are because you are on a journey too.
 I love you"

If you are reading (I hope you aren't), I hope you'll read it again. It was an "aha" moment for me. I won't say much more right now because I could go on and on.

Well, it's the next day. I don't want to overwhelm you at this time so I'm gonna go for now. But don't be sad when I write more gushey stuff.

Oh, so I found these free printable things by Googling. I couldn't find 2012 ones so I badly covered them with my own thing. I got it here.

That's all for now. Much love in my heart for my man. I'm totally lucky. Hopefully you didn't make it this far.

Good Angry and Sad Break Up Songs 2012 and 2013

Sunday, June 17, 2012
***Another list is in progress! Please check it out and add to it!***

There's NEW Songs Too! For This Year! Check Em Out!

I know a few friends who might be going through a break up, divorce or separation. Here are some songs to aid in the process. Download them now and blast them in your car. And please share your additions to the list in the comments and I'll add them! I know there's a million and these are the ones I got to when scrolling through my iPod.  Let's make this list awesome for all those goin' through some hard times.

You know how there's two types of songs? The ones that you listen to when you wanna feel validated in your wallowing sadness? Yeah those are called "sad breakup songs" then there are the ones that make you wanna punch someone in the... face. Those are called "angry breakup songs". Here ya go. We'll start with angry.

Angry Break Up Songs:

We Are Never Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift
Done. by The Band Perry
Payphone by Maroon 5 (feat. Wiz Khalifa)
I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift
Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by P!nk
Mr. Know it All by Kelly Clarkson
Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye (Feat Kimbra)
Wide Awake by Katy Perry
I Don't Need a Man by The Pussycat Dolls
What the Hell by Avril Lavigne
According to You by Orianthi
Blind by Ke$ha
No Love by Eminem feat. Lil Wayne
How's It Gonna Be by Third Eye Blind
Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce
Hate by Plain White T's
I Don't Want You Back by Eamon
Grow a Pear by Ke$ha
Irreplaceable by Beyonce
So What by Pink
Love the Way You Lie by Eminem
Get Gone by Fiona Apple
Figher by Christina Aguilera
Womanizer by Britney Spears
I'm Not Okay by My Chemical Romance
Call Me When You're Sober by Evanescence
I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace

Sad Break Up Songs:

Just Give Me A Reason by Pink
When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars
Clarity by Zedd
Just a Fool by Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton
California King Bed by Rihanna
I'll Keep The Kids by Montgomery Gentry
Burn by Usher
I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz
Both of Us by B.o.B (feat Taylor Swift)
Take it All by Adele
Fading by Rihanna
Take a Bow by Rihanna (or The Glee Cast version is good)
Not Over You by Gavin Degraw
Turning Tables by Adele
Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri
Apologize by OneRepublic
Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch
Cry by Faith Hill
My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

Empowering Songs!

Roar by Katy Perry
Brave by Sara Bareilles
We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus
Try by P!nk
Can't Hold Us by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis (feat. Ray Dalton)
Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips
Catch My Breath by Kelly Clarkson
Carry On by Fun.
Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys (this version feat. Nicki Minaj)
22 by Taylor Swift
Single Ladies by Beyonce
Firework by Katy Perry
Stronger by Britney Spears
Imma Star by Jeremiah
Survivor by Destinys Child
The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes
Fly by Nicki Minaj
Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO
Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)  by Kelly Clarkson
Dirrty by Christina Aguilera
Not Afraid by Eminem
Better in Time by Leona Lewis
Never Going Back Again by Fleetwood Mac (I like the Glee cast version)
Titanium by David Guetta (Thanks Megan G.)
Drop the World by Lil Wayne feat Eminem

What would you add to this list? Comment below. :-) 

My Life Be Like

Friday, June 15, 2012
I don't write as often as I'd like to because I feel like I don't have interesting things to say. I have always felt like each post needs a topic, or a theme, or something great. And then I realized just last night that my life is totally worth blogging about. I wish I could tell you each thought I've had today because you'd either laugh or cry. So from here on out, I'm totally going with the flow. You're gonna get an earful. It's not always gonna be interesting or happy. Oftentimes it might be uber boring or totally sad and lame.

Like today.

Well today was overall very good. I got to have a Targasm and I spent money on things I didn't need.

But before that I went to Embry Riddle. I needed some paperwork on behalf of David. I always feel like a fraud when I go there. Because first of all, I don't go there. So I hopped out of my disgustingly out of place Toyota Corolla and strapped my baby onto my body via my Maya Wrap and walked up to where I thought financial aid was. Except it wasn't there. So I totally tried to play it off like I knew exactly where I was going. I didn't. Not even a little. I awkwardly walked around for a bit until I found my building. And then it was closed.

So this wouldn't be so bad except that I had done all that work! I mean, really? Katie was watching my other children so I did only have one. But still. Getting her out of the carseat and in the wrap and walking to the middle of campus on a hot day? Come on. Ugh.

Then the Target situation.

Yes, that says $.99
That was a good one. I didn't get anything I needed. Yes I did. Mini bowls. I'm trying to go minimalist which totally reminds me that I need to blog more about that journey. Anyway, so I got some plastic mini bowls. I failed in my minimalism in that I bought 8. I probably won't use them all. I'll just store 4 of them until the other 4 end up outside and caked in dirt and smashed from cars like the rest of  my mini bowls. Mini bowls. Have I oversaid that word yet? haha.
Well. That's all for now. I'm way way way tired. I washed my comfortor and my sheets. I'm kind of excited about that. And I need everyone here to stand witness (maybe I should post a picture?) that my house is much cleaner without my husband. I was talking to a good family friend and I explained this very fact to him and he said, "Well you got rid of a child for awhile!" speaking in reference to David being gone.

I miss David being gone. We haven't eaten well without him. He's a good one. oooooh, he has a blog. A China one. We are keeping it "in the family" because we don't want the government to find it yet. So if you want to read it, let me know. I'll add you to my e-mail list. It's not private, it's just not public? Or something.

Will the Sleep Ever Come Easy?

Sunday, June 10, 2012
I'm in the ER for the 790th time this year. This time for some pain that I identified as kidney pain and they wrote down as "flank pain". Like I don't know what flank is. It's a steak duh! But really, I took anatomy people. And I know my body.

So anyway, I talked to the doctor and he thinks its a kidney stone. I just got a CT scan and it was fancy. I felt like I was on Greys Anatomy. And I love that my autocorrect has Greys already capitalized. It probably comes from my arguing conversations with Jaime on which is better: Greys or Scrubs? Vote wisely.

I'd like to take this time to formally apologize to all of my peeps who I hung out with in the past couple of days. I'm sure I was terrible company. I think I remember saying "I wanna die" over 300 times. Another popular phrase was, "My body hurts" and "My kidneys hurt". Sorry friends. It really did hurt. And then this one time I was all hanging out with Asian and Picsag and I went pee and there was blood. Then I knew it was serious. You know?

Okay so right after the above writing, I got some results. Well not RIGHT after cause that would be utterly amazing. To have a quick ER experience. I'm not complaining though. Mine was rather pleasant. I'm not sure if it was the morphine or the nice nurse I had. He was a good person. Again, maybe because he gave me morphine.

I got to be in an isolation room because they didn't have any rooms available otherwise. I was back in the corner without a TV and it was kind of awesome. They apologized for not having a TV for me.  I was VERY okay with it. I had a book. And morphine. Don't forget the morphine people! lol.

That awkward moment when: You have to get naked and you forgot to prepare. If you know what I mean. This time it was my feet. They were totally sick looking. Like black and cracked. I told my nurse not to look. He said he wouldn't cause if he did, then he might have to keep me there for dirty feet. lol.

Then the doctor came in and shook my hand. He basically said I am awesome for dealing with so much pain. Well not in those words. But he was impressed with me considering the fact that I have multiple kidney stones in both kidneys! He thought that maybe I had just passed a stone or that one was on its way out because there wasn't much blood in my urine but that both of my ureters (the tubes that carry pee to your bladder) were dilated.

Then! Get this. He said that the biggest stone your body can pass on its own can be up to 6 mm in size. Well, I have one that is 11mm! I will make an appointment with a specialist and they will decide whether I have to have it surgically removed or whether they can remove it with shock wave therapy. So basically I am fancy.

The doctor probably thought I was crazy because I got totally excited when he came in with the results. I have been dealing with this pain for over 3 years. Ask David! He is probably more grateful for the results than I am. Hey, I have to complain to someone! We've analyzed over and over what it could be. Was it meat? Soda? stress? sugar? But nothing ever fit!  Omg. This is such great news!

I have to go strain my pee now. I bet that's exactly what you wanted to know. I'll be looking for those guys below. Gross.

Doing So Well Except With My Bathroom

Monday, June 4, 2012
What can I do that will be fancy?
I know! A yard sale that will be fancy. We really are gonna do it. A perpetual yard sale. Out of my garage. With my neighbor. It's gonna be so fun. You know that one we went to that we got the awesome stuff? well we are doing our own. I hope you will come.

So I'm doing really well without David here. I don't think I should be doing so good. I think it's because I have a great support system. As of late it's been great to have the best neighbors in the world. They are here every day and I'm grateful. It's nice to know I can count on them, and my good family. Thank you to everyone!

I'm going minimalist. Again. I really started awhile ago. But I'm gonna try again and do more. Too bad my stoopid phone won't work because my friend Jaime sent me a book all about it and I can't even open it. It's kind of making me super cranky.

Can you PLEASE help me decide what to do my bathroom in? What colors? What style. You have to remember that my room is based off of the picture below. Like those walls are my walls.

And my bathroom doesn't have a door on it. So you can see into it. Please please please help me. Audrey, I'm talking to you. And Tracy, Janell and Danica too. And anyone else who has a good eye for craftiness and cute house crap and style. I'll tell you what I'm into.

I'm way into the gray and yellow modernish palette but I don't know if that will go in the bathroom.

I love the Paris-y vintagey look.

I love purple. But it's a bathroom that I share with David so I don't want it to be too girly. He said he was okay with purple though.

And then I keep remembering that my room are those colors. So I have stuck to gross white and black. But I'm over it.

I want it to be relaxing and fresh.

Help. Seriously. I'll give you anything you want.

People who Sell in their Yard

Friday, June 1, 2012
My neighbor and I went to this fabulous yard sale yesterday. It's a perpetual one. Like they always have yard sales. Like every weekend. Except this one is fancy. They only do it the first weekend of every month and they have really super stuff. This woman and her husband go to estate sales and storage unit sales and they get the best items and resale them so people like me and my neighbor can come and spend all our money. They have this great setup. It's in their garage and it is giant. They even have a different garage especially set up for furniture and such.

Combined we spent $140. Right? Let me tell you what we got and I want you to tell me if we scored or not.

At these go for $12.99
I got 4 of them for $2 a piece
Sterilite 66 Quart Latch Box Storage Tote

at this goes for $85.09 (.09?)
I got it for $20!!! 
Igloo Quick and Cool 100 Quart Cooler - White.Opens in a new window
Things I can't find pictures of:

Scrapbook paper holder thing (new in box) Like it has 9 compartments and is made out of wood.

Eddie Bauer camp chair

Those were my big ticket purchases. The rest was miscellaneous small stuff including really great things to to help organize my life.

Trish (neighbor) got a vintage cooler for $20 and a vintage piggy bank thing for $10 (its seriously awesome. see below)