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I Have Bad Breath But For Good Reason

Tuesday, June 23, 2009
We were at Heidi and John's today. Heidi made some awesome mango salsa. I'm afraid it had onions in it. It was well worth the leftover breath though. Mmmmm. Happy Birthday Heidi and Kyrbi.

Sissy girl loved the pool. She sat on the first step and splashed around like it was nobody's business. My sisters child also jumped off the diving board. Very proud of her.

I like the name Eva. David has it written on a piece of paper here near the computer. I wonder if it's my ancestor. Apparently I'm rockin' some pretty sweet great grandpas. They are directly involved with Joseph Smith and Nauvoo and such things. I'll have to have David tell you more about that. One thing I do remember is that J.S. borrowed $200 from my great great (maybe one more great) grandpa. Yup. That's right. So that pretty much makes me famous.

I am in a bitter/angry stage of grieving... about a couple of things. I think about a lot of things actually. I used to not be angry. I used to be at peace. But I'm mad. I'm just so mad. It's kind of strange because I'm also reading Jesus the Christ. I find it to be the most amazing book I have ever read in my entire life. I am learning things I have never even heard in 25 years of being a member of the church. Maybe that's why I'm a bit bitter. Why don't we learn these pertinent important things in Sunday School? I don't know. Anyway, I don't know if people who read this blog appreciate hearing about my hatred of anything church related, but I suppose if they do care, they will tell me. And I like it that way. I won't go into further detail about my other issues since I have already started a different post on that.

OMG. Went to Utah this past weekend. Funnest trip EVER! I felt like a kid again. I love my family. It's my dads side that lives up there. I love my aunts and cousins and grandparents. I seriously think they are the best, funniest, people ever.

I'll post pics. I'm going to get some. Right now. I love you.

To my Man (Jackson that is)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009
To my sweet little boy,

I love you. Don't grow up anymore please!
A few of the things you are interested in right now:

Cars (the movie), Cars (the toys), Cars anything. You love "nana's" (Bananas), "coo keys", shows, sissy girl, and mom and dad (mostly dad). I love when you say, "Hi ticka ticka girl" which translates as "Hi sissy girl". You are so helpful around the house. You throw away your own diapers, and help with the laundry. You even clean (or attempt to) clean up your own spills. Even if it means smearing it and making it worse. :-) We call you our little Linus because you carry around a soft blanket everywhere. I love that you love to rub silky things between your fingers. You're just like me! I did that too. You give the best kisses ever accompanied with the neccesary "Muah" sound. You love driving toy cars all over, mostly on dad's body. You love the real car too. You always wanna go in the car, and sit in your "chair" which is fabulous for us. You love kitties and dogs. I'm so glad you haven't developed a fear of those. Abby, Bill's dog, only lets you pet her. She barks at the rest of us. You get right in her face and she doesn't even mind. Lucky boy. Sweet boy. You love taking the lids from pots and pans out of the cupboard. You sit on the kitchen floor and spin them around... for long periods of time too! It's so sweet the way you do it. It's not like you are rough and loud with them, you are fascinated by the way they work. "Up" and "Help" are the same words for you. You love getting on the counters and looking in the mirror. You love cheese and applesauce. They are pretty much staples for you. You are my staple!!
I miss the days of snuggling. Although you do let me snuggle you at night. In fact, you have to be touching me before you fall asleep. I can't let go of that!
You even ask nicely for "ginks" (drinks).
Oh goodness. I just love you.


Happy 2nd Birthday!!!

Kind of Hating Everything

My emotional side is out. I hate that I always wanna blog when I'm feeling this way. I suppose it isn't always a bad thing.

I'm touched by how many people there are in the world that actually feel the same way I do about the church. At first I thought I was alone. I'm totally not. I have sort of gravitated myself to some blogging communities I feel really close to. I am mostly a reader right now and hopefully in the future, I'll be a writer(commenter) as well. For now, I'll stand back.

I'm working on a post to explain in detail those feelings I mentioned about my situation in the LDS world. For now, don't you worry.

Tonight, I was speficially touched by a man who is an openly gay active member of the church. He blogs about his convictions about the truthfulness of the Gospel. He has such a strong testimony. He is facing excommunication. For some reason, those two things are oxymorons to me. That's all I will say on that topic. I could further delve into my hatred for the guidelines the Church has to follow, but I won't. I realize that such matters are beyond my scope of knowledge which is the only solace I find in such situations. Regardless of sexual orientation, I can tell from reading only a few posts that he is a GREAT person. And the God I know, loves him and will not punish him for that.

That's all. I am going to make a post about Jackson now. So random. I love everyone.