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Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Let me tell you something. If you are going to run into my car, leave me a little note with your name and address so I can send you a cookie ok????
OH MY GOSH! I have never been SO mad in my entire life. David noticed last night, and I noticed today that we have a giant scratch on the back left bumper of our new baby car. I seriously am not over it and have not forgiven whoever did that to us. I know that is horrible but it makes me really angry.
Seriously. Who does that? And whoever did it must have known that it is a new car because we have the little paper liscence ( I still can't spell that word) plate thingy in our window which makes it even worse. It's not even a month old. It is so worldy of me to be so upset about this but I do not care. I thought people in Lock Haven were nice... but I guess not.
I hate everyone today. Especially cause I have a headache. 

My controversial nose ring

Friday, July 7, 2006
I don't have one yet. I think I am going to wait till Monday. Maybe I will go tomorrow. I don't know. Anyway, I am so excited. I feel like it is something that I have wanted to do for myself and am going to do based on my own decision and reasoning. I looked at quite a lot of stuff on the internet about the Mormon view on piercings in general and found a lot of support for doing it.

These last few days have been the toughest yet most rewarding days of my life. I wish I could put into words how I feel at this moment but I can't. It's a strange sensation that I am not used to. Let me try and explain
Moving to Lock Haven was the best thing for my testimony. In Paulden America it was failing miserably. Moving to an area where the gospel is not prevalent has given me an opportunity to examine my own true feelings about it in a way that is not clouded by my angriness towards the leaders in the Stake I was in. I have now discovered quite a bit.

I KNOW the fundamentals of the gospel of Jesus Christ are true. I do however; have a large problem with everything else about the church. No one has been able to give me answers either. It is wearing on my spirit to the point that I don't know anymore. Its so weird because I know, but I don't really know. It is frustrating to me. Some of my questions are thus....

Why do I have to wait until judgment day for the truth to come to those leaders who have been clearly wrong in the first place?

Why can we eat tons and tons of meat but not drink alcohol, although we are told to avoid both in the Word of Wisdom?

Why do the leaders of the church set forth standards that give LDS members more reason to judge each other? (This one comes from my studies on nose rings and other piercings.)

Why are the mission rules so ridiculous? Why can two missionaries NOT be in the same room as a girl but two girl missionaries can be in the presence of any number of men? Clearly that is stupid.

WHY, oh why, do my sisters (and I) receive SUCH horrible treatment from the male leaders of the church ALL THE TIME!

There are so many why's for me. Luckily, my testimony has nothing to do with the actualities of these principles. My testimony is solely based on my relationship with God and the testimony I have of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith. BUT.... the problem comes when the above questions cannot be answered.
If there are answers out there which are logical and true, where the hell are they? I guess I should refer to a quote by an actual Mormon. His name is Hugh B. Brown. He says this; Some say that the open-minded leave room for doubt. But I believe we should doubt some of the things we hear. Doubt has a place if it can stir in one an interest to go out and find the truth for one's self."

Keyword there is truth for ones self. That doesnt mean that I should go find the truth according to what the church teaches me. I interpret it to mean that I should go and find the truth out for me. That's what I did and that is why a nose piercing is perfect for me. Thank you.

P.S. The people that get to read this are the ones that I love and know don't judge me. So thank you. 

Fatty McFatterson

Tuesday, July 4, 2006
We moved here to PA and after a LONG LONG time of not having cable or any type of television services, we gave in and got it. Since then, I have noticed how media really affects me and (I am sure a lot of other) women. I suscribe to OK! magazine and every time I read that, or any other girly magazine, I am bombarded my skinny models and superstars. It has really gotten to me. I watch TV and what do I see? The Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans that call out to me screaming "Ha Ha ha ha you are not as skinny or rich as me".  I do not blame them nor do I hate them ( I love them) it only makes it hard for me to be ok with who I am. I realize though, it is my own negativity and self doubt that makes me feel this way. I do think that these types of things contribute though. So what should I do? I guess I should get rid of my magazines and TV and sit in my house all day. Or maybe I should get off my lazy ace and workout more than three times a week or maybe I should stop eating candy and bread. I just don't know what the solution should be.

I think back though on a blog that Tessa wrote about how she feels all these different ways about herself. It reminds me that no matter how skinny or big or small you are, you always want to be something different. Is it really our own fault that we feel this way or does the media contribute to the ultimate reasoning behind these emotions?

I bet you that if I did all I could and lost the 40 pounds that I need to, that I would still want to change something about myself. I would want to have the boobs that those girls get on Dr. 90210 or the stomach of the girl on... or ANY girl on tv.

Anyway, that is it for today, the fourth of July. Goodbye. Rhyme. 

The house we live in.

Sunday, July 2, 2006
I like living here because we get TONS of visitors. Seriously. There is a lot. Today was supposed to be the Sunday that we rested but it didn't turn out that way. Not that it is a bad thing either.

Aubrey and Megan and Megan came over today to hang out. it was fun. Then the missionaries Elder Hunsaker and Elder Hoffman came over for dinner. Elder Hoffman actually made this sweet ace picture for us.

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Cool huh?
It's fun here in PA. People come visit us now. they don't ignore us. Probably because we don't live in a white trash trailer anymore. This apartment is more beautiful than I could ever say. Let me go take a picture of it. Notice the gorgeous high ceilings

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I wonder if that will work too. Can someone PLEASE tell me how to post the actual pictures in a blog? Image Shack is lame and won't let me. I hope someone will tell me.

Anyway, so much for a peaceful sabbath. Not that I am complaining, although I am a little because I really just wanna relax. I am somewhat of an extreme mixture of an introvert and extrovert. I love to hang around people and stuff but sometimes I really want them to leave me alone.

I hate that I love to eat so much. I wouldn't be fat if I didn't like food SO much. It sucks. That is why I don't want to put pictures of myself up on here anymore. I am gonna try and not eat anymore.

Its humid here. I don't have a job yet. I am going to start school on the 10th. I don't really want to. I am so lazy. Ok. Well I am gonna go work on my profile now.