HER FIVE CENTS

I'm not sure whether to head the direction of Facebook Pages, or my private posts, or this blog when it comes to documenting and writing down the things of my life. I feel like here is a pretty safe bet although I can't be too sure with the lurking creepos I know are out there. Oh well.

Today we hit two milestones! Nevie turned two and David completed two successful jumps out of an airplane as part of his Airborne training! A really wonderful family (the wife in that family) graciously took these pictures of David and his fellow travelers. Holy crap. Intense.









We spent most of the day waiting for Genevieve to wake up! She finally graced us with her presence around 11 a.m. and we happily greeted her with balloons and doughnuts! Grandma got her a new baby doll which she promptly hugged and squeezed and loved on. Her and Sadie are so different that way. I tried forever to get Sadie to take to the idea of a doll in order to prepare her for an incoming sibling. She never liked them. Baby dolls. Not siblings and real babies. Cause she adores those.








Anyway, after sharing lunch with Grandpa, we headed to the old house to meet Grandma Nickle. She was so kind and was cleaning out the fridge over there. That's the task everyone hates the most. Gross.  That's true love, doing that for someone. Even more true love is cleaning underneath it. Yeah. That happened.

We all got tired and went to Trish's house (those grand neighbors I speak of) and she made us freakin' homemade green chili and cheese enchiladas. De-freakin-licious. Oh and Cheyenne and I started the painting of some of their furniture and I'm pretty sure there was not enough circulation in that garage because not only did we come out looking super Avatarlike, we also came out crazy. As in, probably high from the fumes.





It was fun to watch the kids play, probably for the last time with Billie Jean, in our yard. The sun was just setting and it was a beautiful temperature. And now I want to cry. I knew after we got done with the initial cleaning of the house, I never wanted to go back. Because I honestly felt so crappy afterwards. People talk like 3-4 years isn't very much time to be in one place, but it's been the longest place we've ever lived! We've had so many memories there. That's the home that this very 2 year old came home to. Bleh. And instead of focusing on those amazing wonderful, happy and great times, I'm choosing to focus on the fact that we won't be living there anymore.









So that's the day. We came home and fought about bedtime and now, it's 10:30 and I think the final child has passed out. That was a long time coming. Unlike Germany is.
 

There's transition in labor and there is transition in life. I would say they are comparable. Transition in labor is the most uncomfortable time. I mean, if I'm gonna go hypnobabies, I would never say the words that I would use normally like pain, and hurt and intensity and wanting to die. It's actually the worst part of birthing (in my opinion). It's the time between 8ish and 10 centimeters when I started to shake a little and I knew that the time to push was coming. But I wasn't there yet.

That's how I feel about life right now. I'm right on the brink of entering the next stage of labor. lol. Except it's real life. I want to die.

This happened to me the week before David left for China too. And the week or so before he left for LDAC. And all the other times he's left me for extended periods. lol.

I just wrote about these difficult times but that was last week. This is THIS week. I must say that it's been better. I went from hating David to loving and missing him and then today I'm back a little but to hating him. I'm ready for this to be over.

That's not to say that there hasn't been amazing people easing this burden a long the way. I've mentioned some of them. My neighbors, my friends and my mom and dad. I don't know what I would do without them. I'm feeling especially bad because all I do is complain to my mom (well, everyone) and I know it must seem like I'm ungrateful or sad about staying here with her. But that's not it at all. Being here has made it totally possible for me to NOT be crazy. She and my dad have kept us fed and happy and warm and that is the very foundation for Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the most important ones.

We are still 8 days away from leaving this continent. And it seems like all too much time and way too little. We are approximately 5 days from seeing David (if all goes well) and 2 days away from a birthday of our littlest one (who right now is making me want to pull my hair out strand by strand).

This is also the very beginning of a long journey short term and long term wise. Short term I'm thinking of a freaking ridiculously long trip there, and then once we get there, that whole thing.

I'm following a girl on Instagram whose husband is currently in Germany and also in his Cavalry unit. There may or may not be things happening on that end that cause me to rethink what I was thinking in the first place about this Army life. But as the nice officer said who pulled my mom and me over the other day, "You're just as much in it as he is." So true.

So stay tuned as we muddle and trudge and hopefully skip and hop through this journey in Germany.

Speaking of which, I've created a page specifically for all things Germany life Army stuff. haha. It's

Right Here

There isn't much there yet but hopefully there will be! Thanks for being supportive even if you're a secret stalker. :-)

 

I jokingly sent this text to David today: "This is what hell must be like."

It's been a day. It's actually been a rough few days. And I KNOW this is all about how I'm choosing to look at it. Those of you who know me in real life know I've been trying to work on bettering my outlook on life. So I've been pretty fluffy, flowery, and puffy and unicorns farting rainbows happy.

It started today with church. I hate church. I'm just being honest. We are in the time of life where our kids are young and we have not trained them well enough to love sitting still for 3 hours. Cause that's what church is for little ones. Lesbehonest. I love sitting in sacrament meeting with my 2 year old who lovingly LOUDLY points out the "bump" on my chin. That giant zit? Yeah. that.

I guess it's the too-small car. The dirty, beat up shaking, car. However, let's reframe this. Its a car! It works great. It has air conditioning and cruise control AND it has a sun roof. See. Always something to be grateful for.

It could be the attic living. The climbing-the-ladder-to-get-to-where-I-sleep living. BUT this attic does have carpet and a bathroom.

It could be sleeping on an air mattress that goes flat in the middle of the night. Mmm.... it could be the floor.

It could be living out of a suitcase where I literally have to dig for something to wear every day. I could not have clothes. That would be unfortunate, and not just for me.

It could be the non sleeping children who sleep just fine when they are anywhere but with me. Grandma says Sadie slept through the night just fine. The neighbors said the same. I have no positive way to look at this because it just makes me angry. I become an angry mother when my kids (Nevie) are still awake at midnight and not only awake, but whiny as all get out. I can't take it. It makes me angry. I live for nighttime and being able to watch a smutty episode of a show or two. (90210 is happening). There's no could for this. It just is.

Then there's the morning and the rest of the day where its pure insanity. I know all of you understand what that's like. But then it gets to be night again and where a lot of people get some semblance of a break, there is none for us single wives/mothers. Those of us who have a loved one in the military/school or are divorced/widowed. Bleh.

I was talking to David on the phone and I was reminding him that I'm in the part of the life cycle of him being gone for long periods where I hate him. And I don't actually mean hate him. I blame him for all of this even though I rationally know it's not really true. It's so weird because I know he would kill to be here with us while I'm all over here jealous he is sleeping in a hotel in a comfortable bed with a rental car and peace. Pure sweet silence. Again, he'd trade me in an instant. Which is where this whole positive thinking comes in. Where I practice what I preach about being grateful for the good things and looking at all the awesomeness I have.

I do love my kids. And when I get a chance to sit down and think about how these moments really are such a small slice in the big picture, I smile. Because Nevie wanting to sit on my lap will be but a memory soon enough. Jackson begging for my attention while he tells me the story of his Minecraft world will be replaced with closed doors and talking to friends. Sadie hysterical for my presense all. the. time? That won't last forever. So I'm gonna work on remembering this as we transition between so many huge things cause they need these moments just as much as I do.