Sunday Dumday

I jokingly sent this text to David today: "This is what hell must be like."

It's been a day. It's actually been a rough few days. And I KNOW this is all about how I'm choosing to look at it. Those of you who know me in real life know I've been trying to work on bettering my outlook on life. So I've been pretty fluffy, flowery, and puffy and unicorns farting rainbows happy.

It started today with church. I hate church. I'm just being honest. We are in the time of life where our kids are young and we have not trained them well enough to love sitting still for 3 hours. Cause that's what church is for little ones. Lesbehonest. I love sitting in sacrament meeting with my 2 year old who lovingly LOUDLY points out the "bump" on my chin. That giant zit? Yeah. that.

I guess it's the too-small car. The dirty, beat up shaking, car. However, let's reframe this. Its a car! It works great. It has air conditioning and cruise control AND it has a sun roof. See. Always something to be grateful for.

It could be the attic living. The climbing-the-ladder-to-get-to-where-I-sleep living. BUT this attic does have carpet and a bathroom.

It could be sleeping on an air mattress that goes flat in the middle of the night. Mmm.... it could be the floor.

It could be living out of a suitcase where I literally have to dig for something to wear every day. I could not have clothes. That would be unfortunate, and not just for me.

It could be the non sleeping children who sleep just fine when they are anywhere but with me. Grandma says Sadie slept through the night just fine. The neighbors said the same. I have no positive way to look at this because it just makes me angry. I become an angry mother when my kids (Nevie) are still awake at midnight and not only awake, but whiny as all get out. I can't take it. It makes me angry. I live for nighttime and being able to watch a smutty episode of a show or two. (90210 is happening). There's no could for this. It just is.

Then there's the morning and the rest of the day where its pure insanity. I know all of you understand what that's like. But then it gets to be night again and where a lot of people get some semblance of a break, there is none for us single wives/mothers. Those of us who have a loved one in the military/school or are divorced/widowed. Bleh.

I was talking to David on the phone and I was reminding him that I'm in the part of the life cycle of him being gone for long periods where I hate him. And I don't actually mean hate him. I blame him for all of this even though I rationally know it's not really true. It's so weird because I know he would kill to be here with us while I'm all over here jealous he is sleeping in a hotel in a comfortable bed with a rental car and peace. Pure sweet silence. Again, he'd trade me in an instant. Which is where this whole positive thinking comes in. Where I practice what I preach about being grateful for the good things and looking at all the awesomeness I have.

I do love my kids. And when I get a chance to sit down and think about how these moments really are such a small slice in the big picture, I smile. Because Nevie wanting to sit on my lap will be but a memory soon enough. Jackson begging for my attention while he tells me the story of his Minecraft world will be replaced with closed doors and talking to friends. Sadie hysterical for my presense all. the. time? That won't last forever. So I'm gonna work on remembering this as we transition between so many huge things cause they need these moments just as much as I do.

Post a Comment