HER FIVE CENTS

This super happened to me today. I spent about an hour going through all the feeds of Facebook life to find this foto. And then I edited it. Because if you are new to reading my life, I spell things differently than others. Rood is one of those words. So don't be rood about my spelling.

Not only did this happen, it happened as I was pulling up to the gate at Fort Huachuca. Not only did it happen as I was pulling up to the gate at Fort Huachuca, it happened as I was blasting Missed Calls by Mac Miller. Edited of course. Boo. I had to turn it down at the very best part.

Guess what else? I got picked for a random car inspection!!! Yay! Wait, what? No. They totally segregated me and had me pull into the lane that was next to the long line of other cars so easily going through the gate after their ID check. Smooth sailing for them. I hope they enjoyed gawking at my beautiful red hair because I was totally trying to hide my face.

If we think about the details of what happened in the picture above, and if they were counting cars, then technically that rood person in front of me would have been picked for the selection instead of me. And the funny thing is I was totally going to be the person that sped up and didn't let them in. Because 2 stoplights back from where the line is for the gate, you can see which lanes are open. So I'm a freak and get in the right lane WAY back so as not to avoid the awkwardness that happens when people don't. pay. attention and they're stuck begging for mercy at the very last freakin second.

So I was just stopped. By myself. They checked my license, my military ID, my insurance, my registration and checked for drugs and other paraphernalia. They also patted me down. Just kidding. About the pat down anyway.

I'm exhausted from all of that hard work. I made it up to myself and listened to this song on the Eminem CD I own. This song actually made me cry. I couldn't find a good version to share. So I guess you'll be left wondering. Sorry about your life. If I can find it, I'll share it on the Facebook of life. In the meantime, don't be a lame driver please? Me and your fellow drivers will appreciate it so much!

I was driving north on highway 89 where the construction is. I was reaching for French fries when I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed some crappy person tailing me like crazy. And then the lights went on. Not the ones in my head, but the blue and red ones.

So I pulled off the side of the road and had a brief panic attack in just enough time for the nice man in the tan uniform to come to my window. It was already rolled down and I already had my registration and proof of insurance in my hand.

The lights from his car reflected nicely off of his molestashe and the shadow from his Stetson made it even creepier.


"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"No I don't."
"Do you know what the speed limit is through that construction zone?"
"No I don't" These were all truths to me. Because lesbi honest here. My heart was racing and I was trying to figure out if maybe I flipped him off, or if I was swerving from French fry reaching or what.
"It's 35. You were going 57 when you passed me. Did you see me parked on the side of the road?"
"No I didn't." Again, you probably think I'm lying. But deep down to the core of my heart I. had. no. idea I was going so fast! I was going with the flow of traffic. I promise.
"I'm gonna need your license."
"I actually don't have it. But I know my number and I ordered my license online yesterday."
"What happened to it?"
"I have a 2 year old."
"Do you have the email?" At this point I was already desperately trying to search through my inbox to find it. I couldn't think straight and I"m pretty sure I searched for things non related to the AZ Department of Motor Vehicles and Service Arizona. I couldn't even think of those words.
"I'm looking for it."
"I'll be right back."

So he walked away and then I started crying because in my head I was wondering why in the eff this was happening. I had 3 kids in the car, we'd been on the road for oh about 7 hours. and we were tired. Plus my van smelled like fast food. Was that not enough?

He walked back up to the van and I showed him the email.
"How long will it take it to get here? Oh I see it says 5 days. You really should have gone into the building itself to get a copy."
"My husband is in the military and we are between houses right now. Plus I have 3 kids."
"I could ticket you for not having your license and you'd have to go in front of a judge with proof. Of course by then you'd have the license,"
"Yeah and I could tell you you're an idiot because I've done everything in my power I can do. I've ordered it. Paid the fuggin $12 and I know my license number!" I didn't say that.
"Well try and keep it out of your kids hands. Because you really need to have it on you. I'm just gonna give you a verbal warning today. But watch your speed. Especially because you have kids."
"Thank you so much."

SO! The new me would be so grateful for the great luck I had in not getting any sort of ticket. I didn't even get a piece of paper! I got off sooooo nicely. And I'm truly thankful for that.

The devilish side of me wants to say what a dum guy he is. This is why law enforcement has a bad name. Because of people like him. He made his point the FIRST time he told me I needed to have a copy of my license on me at all times. He didn't need to tell me how I need to keep my purse out of my kids hands or how I needed to go into the building and blah blah. I did the best that I could as a normal human being. For realz

He was the nicest dickiest cop. There. I'm still sad angry though. Because like I said before, I know what's in my heart and I wasn't trying to be an idiotic non safe driver.

I hope instead of pulling innocents over, he finds the chomos his mustache takes after.

I was about to write a rant about the governments involvement in school lunches but then I couldn't. You see, I went to visit the Choosemyplate.gov website and unfortunately saw this:


Lucky us! I'm so glad that running a website costs so much money. Whatever. I hate everyone. Maybe it's meant to be. You should go read the sweet letter from President Obama. Here. Here's a link. You're welcome. Ooooh. But wait, that might cost too much money. So it might not be available in which case, You're welcome.

I'm part of a mommy group where like-minded women come together to discuss many things, usually of an organic nature. Not always though, as there was one mom who posted a picture of her babies balls. It got reported by one of the members and it caused QUITE the uproar within the group.  I'd like to quote what someone said to one of the admins because it makes sense to me.

"Whomever reported the photo, they obviously didn't feel safe to talk to an admin or the person first. That is sad to me. I do think that posting photos of genitalia is NOT ok, even in a private forum-theres no such thing as internet privacy (even banks get hacked and they have more security than Facebook). Had a report been made to police, we all could have been in trouble, with who knows the consequences or investigation, ya know? I realize the mom needed help for her little guy but I think describing the issue would have been better. It's sad to me that everyone was criticizing the photo being flagged and removed. Shouldn't it be okay that someone was clearly uncomfortable with it for whatever the reason? Instead of the group coming together and being adults about it, it turned into a drama fest with rude remarks, anger and contention" 

I'd also like to make the point that what if it made someone really uncomfortable because they don't like pictures of baby balls for whatever reason?  

I added the bold letters. Because that's my point of this blog. Facebook groups trying to gain/have privacy is a joke to me. No such thing. ****update: I've been deleted from this group!****

So. Another group I am a part of, which I really like but am really frustrated with? It's a charter group of a larger organization whose purpose is to provide support for... "cesarean awareness, birth advocacy and avoiding unnecessary interventions."

I got a "shout-out" on the group page to check my other box on Facebook for a message. That message told me to fill out a survey or I was going to be deleted from the group. I fought about it. Because WHAT? I was mad. Boo. Still kind of mad. So then I got a private message from an admin explaining why I HAD to fill out the survey. Don't tell them though, they haven't deleted me yet although I have been very adequately warned that it would happen. GRRR

THEN! Ugh. Are you tired of this yet? Cause I am. I have been trying to join this dang wives of Italy Facebook group. Ha. It's not called that. It's some wives of the army people in Italy something group. I can't join that group either until I freaking send them a copy of David's orders. Are you effing kidding me? I mean, clearly I want to be a part of this random Army wives group of Italy so I can steal personal information from the people therein. I mean, I had already given this admin his order date, his incoming unit and whatever else. The thing is, I'm not even sure SHE is legit. I mean, there's no grammar in her messages. I think she might be a robot. 

I'm going to start my own dang Army Wives of the Army Guys That Live In Italy. And it's going to be open to all people. Bleh. I'm just pissed because all I want is information. And support! I have no idea what the crap I'm doing and i can't even get army wives to help me. So mad.

 Therefore I decided it's about freakin' time someone talked about the REAL deal behind joining a facebook group. It's not as easy as it seems. I'll outline the 5 easy
steps you have to take in order to join those "Closed" Facebook groups

1) Provide your name. This is pretty easy since your name shows up when you ask to join.
2) Provide your date of birth. This is necessary since they may need to know if you are in the right age group for the topic at hand. For example, let's say you want to join a group of middle-aged chess players in the Seattle area. Well, you can't be 80 and be middle aged. Duh. It's a matter of filtering.

This is when it starts to get tricky.

3) You'll need to provide your social security number. For obvious reasons.
4) Offer up your first born child as collateral. Just in case. There may be exceptions. Second-born children are also an option if the first child is difficult.
5) Provide a blood sample. You'll have to go to the nearest laboratory and have a sample taken and then sent to your prospective groups administrator. This is to ensure privacy and safety of all the other members.

And that's all! That's all it takes. No big deal right? Good luck and let me know if you need any help with that stuff. As an admin, I can't help you.