Saturday, January 31, 2009

My first one! The theme (right?) was color. I looked at the pics I already had on my computer and this is what I interpreted as the most brilliant color(s) in the world. Taken in Paulden, AZ. I LOVE sunsets!

Thanks Carrie, for letting me part of this.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Now I hope the LDS peeps who read this will not get offended at what I am about to write about. I don't usually care either way, but I do this time because I care.

Why is it that a MAN determines my worthiness to enter the temple? Some might respond (and have responded) that it is NOT up to him. But it secretly is. He tells me if I can or cannot get a recommend. So if it is truly up to me, then why don't I go into an interview telling him whether I think I am worthy?

It's not like that. If I answer a question "wrongly" then I can't go. That sucks.

I understand that these men are mouthpieces for God but they are also human. They make mistakes. And I secretly (now openly) think mistakes happen more often than we think.

I don't know. It's just a good time. This is not an angry blog. Just a blog.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

So I am definitely no expert on spelling and grammar. But there are a few words and phrases that I am pretty adament about. See, I don't even know if I spelled that word right. Adamant. There. Hmm...

Anyway, I tend to get a little bit irritated with certain words that are often misused, misspelled and misplaced. Are those all words? See, I don't even know.

For our first lesson we will discuss the spelling and use of the word "Your or you're".

You're is a contraction. Not one of the painful, 'I hate everyone' kind that a woman experiences during labor, but one in which two words are combined together and usually include an apostrophe. For example, "You are a beautiful human being"can also be written "You're a beautiful human being." Other popular contractions are don't, didn't, shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, won't, aren't, etc.

Your is a person's something. Umm... that didn't make sense. It's the possessive form of you. I think. OK so example would be "Your mom is pretty." K. Get it? So it wouldn't be "You're mom is pretty" because that would be translated as "you are mom is pretty". That totally doesn't make sense.

When a person texts, he or she usually likes to put your for every use of the word. It's confusing to me. I especially hate u r and ur. How much more difficult is it to write you are or your? Okay, I totally forgive you if you have the QWERTY keyboard on your phone. It's actually not that fun. But if you have T9 or Word, it's unforgiveable.

I'm sure I make these mistakes sometimes. Probably not often though because I am pretty much the best speller in the world. just kidding lovers.

Next lesson: Ya just have to wait.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I am blessed. REALLY blessed. Today in the mail (e-mail included) I got some amazing mail. Thank you loves for that. I am at a loss for words (for once). Thank you thank you thank you!!!

I also have to take this time to talk about a miracle I experienced. It's a little bit personal so I really hope those who read it understand what it meant to me (and I think to David).

Not last night, but the night before, we were up with crying children. At about 3:55 a.m. I looked at the clock and started to cry. I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to wake up David because he had just been up with Jackson. I had been holding Sadie for awhile and she was just crying and coughing and crying and coughing. It was not her fault at all yet somewhere between my own heartbreak (for her) and my own stress I ended up waking up David. He held her for awhile with the same results. Crying and coughing. For some reason the coughing was extreme that night. It really is unexplainable. At that point, David (also in tears) decided to give her a blessing. I got some olive oil, he annointed her head, and gave her a blessing. Those words were so sweet and so wonderful. It always amazes me how, when giving a blessing, it doesn't really sound like David. It's his voice, but it's not. You know? Some of you might guess the ending to this story because it's another one of those "you only read about it in the magazines, or hear about it over the pulpit" types.

She stopped crying and coughing. Didn't make a peep until morning.

I can't tell you how amazing that was to me.

In a book I have been reading by Neal A. Maxwell he says something to the extent that only when we feel so alone and overcome by trials that we turn to God and feel His peace. He worded it much better. I'll have to find it, but I totally related to that. It's always been that way in my life. Why??? I guess I learn the hard way. I think instead of letting it get that bad, I'll work harder at consistently trying to include Him in my life.

To (in no particular order) Mom, Carrie, Ginny, Kristi, Chelsi, Steph, Katie, Terina, Megan, and Jenny who have really pulled through for me in these tough times. You are all my guardian angels. I love you.

Monday, January 5, 2009

I can't tell you how ghetto a certain hospital is that I went to visit. It's beyond words. My whole experience was surreal for real. Lol. I like that. surreal for real.

First of all, I arrived through the emergency room which was guarded by two gigantic security men. It was a good time.

A certain sister is a patient there and while visiting I encountered some interesting people. In the waiting room, I was greeted by a crazy drunk lady who was in the process of being thrown out. She had a lot of words to say as she left. Not many of them were more than four letters.

So then I go back to see my wonderful sister and I get to talk to Mike (cute nurse), Bahzi (an almost doctor, oh yeah, they are called residents), his assistant who didn't speak, and Dr. British. I don't know his name. Anyway, it was a good time. They all were very different people with distinct personalities. Dr British knew everything behind the word "shrapnel" and I got to hear all about it. Another nurse came in. She was from Louisiana and had the accent to prove it. She and Mike fought over who got to take sister up to her next ghetto room. I think it's cause they both thought she was hot.

The next room we get to is "walled" in by curtains. Bahzi and his assistant do some tests on sister and don't do them well. Bahzi hadn't done one since med school. So great. Oh yeah, funniest thing ever happened when Dr. British was checking sister, her phone vibrated. He literally jumped back. It was hidden beneath a blanket and didn't know what had happened. We all cracked up over that for awhile.

We then met:

Matt?: Paper work filler-outer who told us about AMA (against medical assistance) and his job at another hospital that got shut down. He said it was haunted and that we could go sneak in if we wanted to. He likes video games and long walks on the beach. Just kidding, about the long walks on the beach part.

Nurse 3: Has seen numerous gunshot and stab wounds. One in the back.

Percy: Medical Transporter. Older gentlemen who said he could see the similarities between sister and I. Said if he had to choose he wouldn't be able to and that he would take both of us. lol. I told my sister that our similarities must be in our gigantic boob size. Sings nicely.

Nurse 4: Chomped gum loudly. Also works out.

Mr. Ultrasound: Very into survival living. Took me to his secret office to show me pictures of the rocket oven he bought on eBay. Spent over an hour telling us about this.

The other guy: Random nurse?/transporter? that made frequent stops in sisters room to say hello and to switch latex gloves.

I'm not prejudice, I'm just making an observation but more than half the people we dealt with were from another country or had an accent. This is no exaggeration. It was so incredible to me. It was such a ghetto hospital. I feel like I was on set of a scary movie. I'm not kidding you. I think back to this whole experience and it was like a dream. It could be because it was like 3 in the morning... or it could be that that hospital is actually scary.

When I left the building at 4:30ish, I was escorted by another giant in a car, to my car located on the other side of the hospital. First of all, how did I get to the opposite end of the hospital? I'm pretty sure they do that on purpose. I think they keep people there forever, hidden in secret passages, and do it by confusing them directionally. They trap them. ANd secondly, I'm supposed to get in this vehicle with some man I don't know in the middle of crazytown? I guess that's better than risking my life walking to my car.

Okay, this is officially a long post. Los babies are waking up. I must attend to their care. I'll never forget this dream, I mean reality. And I wish my sister luck getting out of there alive. Jk.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Things are looking up.

ALl I've heard from numerous people is to have hope. So I'm trying. My mom told me more than one time today to have hope that things will be a little better tomorrow than they were today. I like that advice. Things will be a little better tonight than they were today. It's true. I can do that. My mom said that if you lose hope, there is only despair. I know that's true because I've felt it.

However, today is a better day. I have great friends and a great family. I'm so thankful to everyone who has been there for me. I'm thankful for the sweet comments and encouraging words.

My mom came over today and bought me toilet paper (among other things). So we can wipe our bums now. lol.

I don't quite have the burning desire to say that everything is fabulous and that I love everyone and my spirit is on fire but I have a feeling I CAN get there and I'm willing to try. I hope it's enough and that God will help.

I want to be one of the ones who, when the time comes, can stand before God to hear him say "Well done thou good and faithful servant." Maybe He will say something like "Lisa, you did it!" I want that more than anything.

The shower is calling my name. I haven't had one for like three days. That's disgusting huh? Who wants to talk about it? I don't. I do however want to talk about the fact that for today I am okay.

Friday, January 2, 2009

I was gonna make this a secret post. But I'm not sure I want to. Maybe when it comes time to post, I'll change my mind. This will probably sound like another poor me blog, but I don't really care. I'm kind of feeling that way. A little hopeless and a lot sadness.

I'm tired of asking. I'm tired of asking for help with no response. From the earthly people and the One up above. Maybe my lack of faith is exactly why there are no answers. I've tried though. For 25 years I've tried. At this point, I feel like I am gritting my teeth, hanging on for dear life. I want so bad to let go, but something keeps me hanging everything. This sounds so suicidal. I'm not sure I am. I'm talking about a lot more than life. I'm talking about relationships, church, and everything else.

Motherhood is SO hard. Too hard for my liking. Moms don't get a break. EVER. They are programed with worry. The people I live with have been slightly hard on me for not wanting to talk about the sick babies. It's because I am already thinking about that. ALL the time. Not only am I thinking about the sick babies, I'm thinking about the laundry that is about to my ceiling, and the kitchen sink that is the same way. I'm thinking about my dirty floors, disgusting bathrooms, and the lack of food in the fridge.

We have been in the hospital with both kids this week at different times. Both were/are vomiting, feverish, lethargic, snotty, coughy-I made that word up, and just not themselves. One of them was diagnosed with an ear infection, the other with RSV. They've both been sick for over two weeks and I haven't been able to do much except care for them. Which means everything in the above paragraph (the one about my house) is magnified that much more. Not only that, but I am personally exhausted. The sicknesses (whatever they are), have not left much room for sleep. It makes it all that much worse. Here I am awake at 12:30 am because it's the only single moment I have to sit down and write. It's not even quiet. There's a Jackson and a Sadie in the background both hacking up their lungs.

Everyone is edgy in this house. Unkind words have been spoken on all parts without realization. I need to apologize for those. I blame it on me and my own negativity and lack of sleep.

I'm standing before a fork in the road. I don't know which way to go. I can honestly say that I feel completely torn. One side looks a lot easier to travel on, but the other one has a better ending.

Well I went and read some seriously funny and outrageously sarcastic blogs and it made me feel better. So I'm going to sleep now. Hopefully. See... I have hope. :)