Boobs and such

The topic of the day: breastfeeding. This may upset a few people. Especially La Leche League or whatever they are called.

It's so funny because I had this whole blog written out in my head last night. But now I can't remember anything I wanted to say except these few things.

1. Breastfeeding is NOT always best. Not when mother hates it because she is a milk cow.
2. And not when mother's boobs are three times the size of babies head. You may laugh at that statement but unless you actually have breasts the size of cantaloupes (or larger), then you don't understand. It's just not comfortable. Having to pay attention at all times because of the fear of baby suffocating is not a good one.
3. Having a constant attachment is not always a fun thing. Really not so fun at all. Picture this. 7 friends hanging out at a restaurant. Baby starts to cry. Mother has two choices. Whip out her boob in public so everyone can see the gigantic melons or she can leave the room and miss out on the evening's conversations. And don't try and tell me "you get used to it". No you don't. I can't see myself mastering the technique of lifting up my shirt, pulling down my bra, pulling out my boob, attaching baby, and still managing to keep from exposing my gigantic breast. Ugh.

Don't worry; you don't have to judge me too much. I'm still breastfeeding. And yes, the above mentioned reasons sound selfish, but if mom is not happy, neither is baby. So I am dealing with this internal struggle on a daily basis because I see the cons to NOT breastfeeding.

1. Baby does not get the nutritional benefits of the boob.
2. I'm afraid my baby will hate me.

From the beginning, I have not wanted to breastfeed. But I have felt the public and private scrutiny from friends, nurses, and family. I hate it. Seriously. People should keep their unsolicited advice to themselves. I realize it is completely up to me to decide. But it is hard when everyone around me has expectations that are different from my own desires. How then, do I get the confidence I need, to make the decision I want to make when everyone has the opposite opinion?

I guess I just deal with it until I get sick of it, or my boobs explode because they are so huge.

On another note, this week was a really good one. Jackson smiled and talked to me. We played the talking game back and forth where I would mimic his noises and he would do them back. It was super cute. Oh and he has been sleeping for 5 or 6 hours at a time. Whoop whoop!