Friends on the Phone

All things I've heard today

Customer: I would like to discuss when ya'll are gonna pick up my trash.

Me: He'll be there today.

C: Okay well I set it out last night. And I've been out here just waitin. He hasn't been here yet."  (it's 11:52 a.m.)

M: You mean you've been waiting all night? We don't offer 24 hour service. Just kidding. What I really said was, Well he isn't finished yet. If he hasn't been there at around 3, give me a call and we'll take care of it then.(all said with a smile so I sound happy to be listening to his um... silliness?)

Another one

Customer: I have 2 cans and I'd only like one.

Me: Okay. When is your pick up day?

C: Tuesday

M:  OKay. You have a couple options. You can leave one can out tomorrow OR after we dump them both on Tuesday, we'll pick one up then.

C: Okay so I should leave the full one out there tomorrow and he'll dump it, then remove it Tuesday.

M: No, we don't have trucks that go out tomorrow in your area. You can just leave it there full and he'll pick it up.

C: So I should leave both cans out tomorrow and he'll dump one and take the other one?

M: No. You can just leave the full can and he'll take it.

C: I think I'm misunderstanding. Should I leave both cans out there?

M: No, please just leave one can out.

C: Then he'll dump it and remove it?

Was that not super confusing? She was super super lame.

Another.

Customer (who speaks in an british accent): I dahmn neuh threw thees bill away. (okay, it's too hard to try and spell like they talk.)

M: Sorry about that.

C: I get enough junk mail as it is. Is there any way you can not put advertisements on the back of your bills?

M: How long have you been a customer with us?

C: 5 years.

M: Well we've been doing the advertisements for over a year now.

C: I almost threw it away.

M: We'll send your bill in an envelope then.

Another:

C: I'd like to discuss my account

Me: Okay.

C: I didn't get picked up on Monday.

I proceeded to explain that with new customers (which is what he is) we give them 15 days to pay their bill (we bill in advance) and then set stop service because we have several people who sign up and take advantage of the fact that we don't require a deposit or sign-up fees.

C: Well I guess I've just never run into this before.

M: Oh you haven't? You mean you usually sign up for other utilities and they don't require a deposit or some kind of payment? You usually get a month free before you have to pay?  With APS they didn't ask for a $250 deposit? Or at the water company, I believe it's $75. That's interesting. Hm.

No. I didn't say that stuff. But I wanted to. I used my fake nice voice that I used with everyone these days.

Is there ANYTHING else I can hear complaints about today? Gross. Vomit. I hate everyone. I wish I could list some of the positive experiences I've had thus far. But I got nothin.

UPDATE: Customer that had 2 cans and wants to go to 1? She called back. She couldn't remember whether I told her to put her can out tomorrow or on Tuesday.

UPDATE: Caustomer that called about 2 cans and couldn't remember whether to put it out tomorrow? She called again. She asked if the can  needed to be empty or could it be full? Wow.