Posts about: Being Mormon
Sunday, August 20, 2017
My man is now the owner of a modern-fit suit also known as the male version of the yoga pant. We went shopping recently and after trying many on, he decided on The One. The suit which will henceforth be referred to as a/the MYP (Male Yoga Pant).
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| How am I supposed to focus on the Spirit when he is wearing this? |
Because of that, and because this is my space, I will therefore share my thoughts and a rebuttal of sorts despite being 4 years late to the conversation.
This all came up because I couldn't control my thoughts with David in his MYP. Therefore I've decided to share some modesty myths, the male version.
#1 Myth of Modesty: It's her job not to look
Men, you are responsible for the pants you put on, therefore you are responsible for the way we as women respond to said pants. The amount of lust I have is directly related to how much of your body is available to lust after. The less you advertise, the less opportunity you give me to covet your body.
Any time I attend church, I am bombarded with impure thoughts because all of the men are wearing suit pants. Some of you are even wearing skinny ties and 2-button suit jacket. How am I supposed to be able to resist that? And then sometimes there are even cuff links. It's too much guys.
Not one single man wears carpenter jeans which are pretty much the only acceptable form of bottoms a man can wear and be modest. I mean, when you sit down guys, I can't help but take notice of what's happening in your pants. And when you're teaching Sunday School and that soft, often thin fabric sits close against your skin, how am I supposed to not think about that huge...tin of breath mints in your pocket?
It is not just our job not to look: it is your responsibility to provide nothing provocative to look at. You cannot blame women for what you instigate, and it is time for men of God to start acknowledging your responsibility in this matter, taking up your cross, and honoring God with your dress..
Not one single man wears carpenter jeans which are pretty much the only acceptable form of bottoms a man can wear and be modest. I mean, when you sit down guys, I can't help but take notice of what's happening in your pants. And when you're teaching Sunday School and that soft, often thin fabric sits close against your skin, how am I supposed to not think about that huge...tin of breath mints in your pocket?
It is not just our job not to look: it is your responsibility to provide nothing provocative to look at. You cannot blame women for what you instigate, and it is time for men of God to start acknowledging your responsibility in this matter, taking up your cross, and honoring God with your dress..
Stick with your 90's suits guys. They are more appropriate and more aligned with church standards than today's fitted suits.
#2 Myth of Modesty: Setting Standards Is Legalistic
I don't want you men to email me and tell me that you wore a suit one Sunday and it was NBD. I realize that it is not my job to write your personal standards of modesty. But since we are on the topic of MYPs, let me share some things my friend commented to me when I was writing this post:
“MYPs make it difficult to focus on the spirit when the boys are right there and the pants are so tight, it’s basically like the guy is naked. A friend of mine even said when a man wears a MYP … it shows all the form and features while covering up flaws, like imperfections of the skin or a possible lack of abs. They are designed to be appealing.”Additionally, a young woman in a female group I once taught upheld this view. She told us it was tough for her to attend church activities where there are guys wearing suits, setting up tables right beside her. It was a struggle not to lust after them. She would have to make herself leave the vicinity to do her own setting up with the still-present threat of remembering their image and stumbling later on. Yet another friend told me that it pained and concerned her that her boyfriend would go to the church in his suit to work with the Primary President, but she didn’t feel she could ask him to stop without being perceived as controlling.
What is the real issue here?
Is it what not to wear? In our hearts we know it isn’t. It’s a standard of
behavior, not a standard of dress, that is ultimately missing from your lives
when you fail to be modest.
Mark 1:6
And John was clothed with camel’s hair, and with a girdle of a skin about his loins; and he did eat locusts and wild honey;
Because John was an apostle and in the scriptures we should follow his example. John wants men to dress
with ‘camel hair and a girdle of skin about his loins…' as appropriate for men who profess to worship
God (like him). This high calling to be a man like unto John (who is an apostle) is to be your standard of behavior, which directly influences your standard of dress. It calls you to be different from the trends, the
culture, and the leanings of the modern church. It
calls you to align your spiritual life with your outward life in all things,
willing to make personal sacrifices in order to do so.
Setting standards is not legalistic. Saying
that modesty is required in order to be saved is legalistic, and regulating
others rather than looking into your own hearts is legalistic. Many men spend a lot more time telling
the women of the church to quit looking and the other men in the church to quit
dressing the way they do, and they never evaluate their own closets.#3 Myth of Modesty: Women don't care what I wear
We do care. We care deeply.
On a simple level, we like pretty things. We notice when you get an undercut or sport a pompadour. We like when you wear your chucks and cuffed jeans. We like nice things and we like when you wear them.
Because of this, you have a great power. You have the power to draw our eyes toward you for one of two reasons:
This leads me to my next point.
- For the appeal of our desire based on revealing enough of your bodies to entice us; or
- To appear attractive in personality as reflected in how you dress.
This leads me to my next point.
#4 Myth of Modesty: Lust is HER Problem
Lust is a rampant problem in the church and in our culture. Most often lust is addressed with men, but it is also a major issue in the lives of women. It simply looks different for women than it does for men. For women, it looks like a man in a suit.
Lust is a
desire for that which is not ours to have: the body of a person who does not
belong to us. When a woman ogles a man’s chest, legs, or derriere, she is
focusing on the parts of him that are not hers, and yet she takes them visually
and mentally, cheapening the man and demeaning herself. That is not
appreciation: that is lust.
When you give into your desire to for a woman’s attention, at the expense
of her endeavor to honor God, you are giving in to the lust of your flesh
and encouraging the lust of her eyes.
#5 Myth of Modesty: Modesty is Just Something I Do
“The more you cover up the more [a Christian woman] will want you. Women like some mystery, and when you reveal that mystery walking down the aisle in church, there is no reason for them to pursue you. They’ve already gotten their reward.” – My anonymous friend
Do you like to reward women with a glimpse of your body? Cause you aren't hiding much when you wear that modern suit, especially with a skinny tie. We can see all that ab.
Your choice in what you wear to church is a clear reflection of your openness to allowing God and his word affect your life. It's a bold statement. But it's true.
Modesty affects us. It affects us greatly. It affects how you are perceived, how you are respected, how you advance in your careers, and even whether you will hear the word yes to a request for a date or a marriage proposal.
When you dress in a way that causes a woman to lust, you create an unnecessary war against her soul.
Think about that for a moment.
Dressing in the way God commands – with modesty, propriety, and decency – protects the women around you from waging a needless war in their souls. When you REFUSE to accept your responsibility to protect your sisters – our brother's wives and and daughters – from lust, you are creating a war and inciting unrest in the church.
Yes, it is the responsibility of us women to turn our eyes away. So entrust us to the Lord and let Him deal with our responsibilities while you concern yourselves with your own. I am asking you to join forces with the men around you in this endeavor.
I want to trust myself around you and I want you to trust your wives and girlfriends around my husband. 
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Family is big on my mind these days maybe for less obvious reasons than you know. However, that's not important. What is important is the realization I had the other day about my uncle. He taught me everything I know about everything cool!
My paternal grandma and my mom were pregnant at the same time. So my older sister and my uncle are the same age which was and is really fun. I had 2 working parents so as a school-aged child I was fortunate enough to spend a lot of time at my grandma's house. Eric (this uncle), who was older at the time, was the only one home during this period of life. My aunt Amy had a room there too I think, but she was away in NYC or somewhere else exotic. Plus, her room was off limits. Lol.
The other day I was at my friends house and she had a newer Archie comic book and I swear I traveled right back in time to my uncle's room where he had stacks of comics (Dick Tracy or Mad anyone?). I would read when he wasn't home. I wasn't always sneaky. He was often really nice and would willingly let me borrow his stuff. He always let me play his Sega and Nintendo which in turn prompted me to ask Santa for one. I got a Sega Genesis and Sonic the Hedgehog became my best friend.
I've never given any meaning to my love of Hot Wheels cars until now really. My uncle had quite the collection. My most favorite game, and still is, is to park them in rows so perfectly and so neatly. Then I would remove one car and another one would come park in its spot.
When we got together as an extended family and lots of other cousins came (the perks of living in Utah and being Mormon), we would often play Ghostbusters in the basement. Eric, my sister, Andy and Dusty always got first pick of who they would be because they were older. Lame. Laundry detergent turned into ghost repellent, and hockey sticks became weapons.
Posters of Hulk Hogan and Karl Malone hung on his wall and because of that (and watching fights/games), I know who those people are. We also played basketball video games so I gleaned some knowledge there.
As I grew older, his interests shifted, as did mine. I remember the era of Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey and The Duet. It was obvious who would sing which part.
I remember the first time I saw that part in the first Scream movie that makes you wanna vomit. I was way too young to be watching it. But my uncle, who was obviously looking out for me, fast-forwarded through most of the movie which was on VHS of course, and only showed me the most scary parts.
We moved away and only came back to visit sometimes and when we did, it was always the same amount of fun with him. We have continued to wrestle our way through the years and play just as hard. I miss him and these memories.
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| This is Sadie and Uncle 2009 |
Monday, November 23, 2015
I haven't been quiet about my mental illness but I also haven't been really loud about it either. It still has this stigma attached to it especially in the military and LDS cultures. I reallllllyyyy want to change it. Have we all memorized the definition? Say it with me, Depression is a neurobiological disorder. It's not caused by anything I have done wrong, or something I did or didn't do. It just is. The cause be brain chemistry, hormones, biological differences and/or inherited traits (see the Mayo clinics definition here).
Anyway, one of the recurring themes in therapy for me was guilt. Not surprising right? My Dr. had me give my guilt a name, well not a name, but an appearance. So I know what my guilt looks like. This is part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. My guilt is an ugly looking guy (male of course. jk) and he has been rearing his head a lot lately. BUT! I'm telling him to go away in the form of this post. Because,
I am doing just fine.
My guilt monster tried to tell me that it was my fault the heart charms didn't come in in time for Super Saturday. Really guilt? Not happening. I'm blaming the USPS. Jk. I love the USPS (I'm putting out good energy here).
My guilt monster tries to tell me some days that I am a bad mother. No way!
My guilt monster thinks that I have to do certain things or else no one will love me. Pshhhhh. Not happening.
I told him to go away a lot this past week but it was particularly easy to do when I was reading Ephesians for Sunday School. This is in Chapter 3.
Anyway, back to guilt monster. My friend recommended this book with the same ideas as the monster but instead it's a gremlin. Have you read it? If so, tell me about it!
What would your monster/gremlin be?
Anyway, one of the recurring themes in therapy for me was guilt. Not surprising right? My Dr. had me give my guilt a name, well not a name, but an appearance. So I know what my guilt looks like. This is part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. My guilt is an ugly looking guy (male of course. jk) and he has been rearing his head a lot lately. BUT! I'm telling him to go away in the form of this post. Because,
I am doing just fine.
My guilt monster tried to tell me that it was my fault the heart charms didn't come in in time for Super Saturday. Really guilt? Not happening. I'm blaming the USPS. Jk. I love the USPS (I'm putting out good energy here).
My guilt monster tries to tell me some days that I am a bad mother. No way!
My guilt monster thinks that I have to do certain things or else no one will love me. Pshhhhh. Not happening.
I told him to go away a lot this past week but it was particularly easy to do when I was reading Ephesians for Sunday School. This is in Chapter 3.
16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;I'm not one who generally does the whole spiritual sharing thoughts thing but this week there were a couple of things that could not have happened through human beings and I was grateful to be reminded of that especially when it benefited me in the ways that it has.
Anyway, back to guilt monster. My friend recommended this book with the same ideas as the monster but instead it's a gremlin. Have you read it? If so, tell me about it!
What would your monster/gremlin be?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Yesterday we had family home evening with the Pembey's. I love the Pembey's. Ever since the beginning when we looked in their window when they weren't home, we fell in love. We've had a lot of good experiences with them including Sunday when we called B over to catch a spider for us. It was the 2nd one of the day (thanks Lara) and he showed up with a fly swatter. I told him he wasn't allowed to kill it but he did anyway.
Nevie wasn't super interested, or was really tired because she fell asleep in my lap. It was really sweet. What wasn't sweet was when she woke up 4 hours later and didn't want to go back to sleep. Anyway, after the video Chelsi brought up my and my broken ankle. It's pretty similar in that I had to be taken care of for 6 weeks. That's no picnic! And no walk in the park! lol. Are there any other cliches I can use here?
After our video we had ice cream and homemade hot fudge and while some thought it was too sweet/rich, I thought it was perfect! We can't wait to put the recipe on our family website we haven't made yet. We got the okay from Krysta as Jackson promised she could be a VIP with admin access on the site. :-)
Later Dana came over and we watched Monday Night TV and she brought buffalo chicken dip. I don't know what the actual name is. Maybe she too will let us put it on our website. Anyway, Nevie sensed I think because it was during our show that she woke up and polished off the rest of the dip and the chips!
I unsuccessfully tried to read a little bit after Dana left and Chelsi went to bed but Nevie just really wanted to go to sleep in my room and not on the couch. I wish we didn't have stairs in our house because I would be so much more apt to put her down if it didn't involve 2 flights of stairs. lol. Don't judge me!
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this all down except that I really want to remember the small stuff! I kept a blog while David was gone in China and it was more of the day to day stuff and I think that's partially why I'm doing it too. Some days (not very often) I forget how hard it is to parent/school 3 kids all. the. time. I can't wait to make a book out of my blogs except that it will be more like a collection of encyclopedia's by now (I've been blogging for almost 10 years I think).
Speaking of encyclopedia's. The guy that sells World Books or whatever, really wants to come sell me some books. Do you think it's a good idea? Have you considered buying any? I love books and we homeschool. Can you tell me what to do? lol.
As he was leaving, Chelsi so generously invited ourselves to their FHE and he gladly accepted. That's not really how it went but kind of.
So we went over (it was a long walk) in our pajamas and had a really great lesson. We watched a video. And I want to share it with you! Because it's so good!
Nevie wasn't super interested, or was really tired because she fell asleep in my lap. It was really sweet. What wasn't sweet was when she woke up 4 hours later and didn't want to go back to sleep. Anyway, after the video Chelsi brought up my and my broken ankle. It's pretty similar in that I had to be taken care of for 6 weeks. That's no picnic! And no walk in the park! lol. Are there any other cliches I can use here?
After our video we had ice cream and homemade hot fudge and while some thought it was too sweet/rich, I thought it was perfect! We can't wait to put the recipe on our family website we haven't made yet. We got the okay from Krysta as Jackson promised she could be a VIP with admin access on the site. :-)
Later Dana came over and we watched Monday Night TV and she brought buffalo chicken dip. I don't know what the actual name is. Maybe she too will let us put it on our website. Anyway, Nevie sensed I think because it was during our show that she woke up and polished off the rest of the dip and the chips!
I unsuccessfully tried to read a little bit after Dana left and Chelsi went to bed but Nevie just really wanted to go to sleep in my room and not on the couch. I wish we didn't have stairs in our house because I would be so much more apt to put her down if it didn't involve 2 flights of stairs. lol. Don't judge me!
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this all down except that I really want to remember the small stuff! I kept a blog while David was gone in China and it was more of the day to day stuff and I think that's partially why I'm doing it too. Some days (not very often) I forget how hard it is to parent/school 3 kids all. the. time. I can't wait to make a book out of my blogs except that it will be more like a collection of encyclopedia's by now (I've been blogging for almost 10 years I think).
Speaking of encyclopedia's. The guy that sells World Books or whatever, really wants to come sell me some books. Do you think it's a good idea? Have you considered buying any? I love books and we homeschool. Can you tell me what to do? lol.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Anyway, he is going to Spain! Can you believe it? For those of you in the states, that's forever away and for us here in Germany, that's forever away! Ha. It's closer though. Like, we don't have to travel over an ocean to Spain.
We have been practicing our lisp with him and I asked if he would please write me when he gets it down. Barthelona is where he is headed. Did you say it right? Barth. Also, while we were decorating, we were brainstorming ideas for a business name for me. One of the ones he came up with included the word sparkle. haha. We are going to miss him!
Enough talking, here are some pictures.
First, this is the invite:
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| *names have been changed to protect the innocent. lol |
We had a mini photo booth asking people to make their best Aaron face. Because he is hilarious with his faces. As shown in the picture below.
We did an "Open When" for him. I am super excited for when he gets to open them. This was probably my favorite part aside from the cake and the slide show and the food and the drinks and the people. lol.
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So that's pretty much it! My pictures are crappy cell phone pictures. I wish I would have taken more of people with my phone but I snatched up Krysta's camera and took some (have you looked at them yet Krysta? lol). In the meantime, Adios Aaron! We love you!
Sunday, February 1, 2015
I remember when I used to write deep, poetic things about my real life. And somehow along the way I shied away from that, for fear of judgement let's be honest. However, today I was inspired. I want to have a go at it again.
Last night was my sisters 25th birthday. She lives with us here in Germany and she wanted to go out. 25 is a milestone you know. It's a quarter of a century! Anyway, we decided to go to a club called Crown.
We actually invited quite a few LDS people to join us, none of which could make it. The cool thing is though, that I think many of them would have come if it wasn't super last minute. I'm very thankful I'm living in a place with a few good women (and men).
For some reason though, there's an audience of LDS people I feel I need to justify my behavior to. I can't quite figure out why that is though. I feel like I need to confess my sins, or I worry they are going to think badly of me for going out on a Saturday night of all nights!
Because of the work I've done on myself, I realize this is non-progressive way of thinking and it stems from an internal belief about myself. However, if I'm being just regular, it eats at me.
So then I struggle with these thoughts of, well is going out bad? Or, do I go with, well it's so much fun! Truth is? There's no answer. It depends on who you are. For me, I am largely unaffected by worldly things such as clubs, r-rated movies, and swearing. There are people I know who are super duper sensitive to these things. And that's for them! I am grateful for a God who knows us so well individually.
Sitting in the fog filled room with blaring music and a large crowd of people who are not ethnically similar to me at all, is really fun. I LOVE people watching. I usually don't get to enjoy the sport as much when I go out because I'm too busy dancing the night away. However, with my condition, I was somewhat forced to sit back and watch. (I did dance one song!) I love people. I love their stories.I just love people. And I met SO many last night! There were the people from Hohenfels, and the ones that work at the PX and the Germans! I met three gay people last night, one of whom was dressed like a female (I have a picture with him. her?). Chelsi, remember the one couple? The one with the schlumping?
I've got a lot of work to do to get back to who I was before...well, everything. And for me, it starts with experiences like this. And, if nothing else, being around severely inebriated people only confirms my desire to not to drink even more. :-)
Happy 25th Sis! Thanks for giving me this opportunity to enrich my life.
Also, not to make this about me but, I sent this to my friend at the end of the night. So swollen!
Last night was my sisters 25th birthday. She lives with us here in Germany and she wanted to go out. 25 is a milestone you know. It's a quarter of a century! Anyway, we decided to go to a club called Crown.
We actually invited quite a few LDS people to join us, none of which could make it. The cool thing is though, that I think many of them would have come if it wasn't super last minute. I'm very thankful I'm living in a place with a few good women (and men).
For some reason though, there's an audience of LDS people I feel I need to justify my behavior to. I can't quite figure out why that is though. I feel like I need to confess my sins, or I worry they are going to think badly of me for going out on a Saturday night of all nights!
Because of the work I've done on myself, I realize this is non-progressive way of thinking and it stems from an internal belief about myself. However, if I'm being just regular, it eats at me.
So then I struggle with these thoughts of, well is going out bad? Or, do I go with, well it's so much fun! Truth is? There's no answer. It depends on who you are. For me, I am largely unaffected by worldly things such as clubs, r-rated movies, and swearing. There are people I know who are super duper sensitive to these things. And that's for them! I am grateful for a God who knows us so well individually.
Sitting in the fog filled room with blaring music and a large crowd of people who are not ethnically similar to me at all, is really fun. I LOVE people watching. I usually don't get to enjoy the sport as much when I go out because I'm too busy dancing the night away. However, with my condition, I was somewhat forced to sit back and watch. (I did dance one song!) I love people. I love their stories.I just love people. And I met SO many last night! There were the people from Hohenfels, and the ones that work at the PX and the Germans! I met three gay people last night, one of whom was dressed like a female (I have a picture with him. her?). Chelsi, remember the one couple? The one with the schlumping?
I've got a lot of work to do to get back to who I was before...well, everything. And for me, it starts with experiences like this. And, if nothing else, being around severely inebriated people only confirms my desire to not to drink even more. :-)
Happy 25th Sis! Thanks for giving me this opportunity to enrich my life.
Also, not to make this about me but, I sent this to my friend at the end of the night. So swollen!
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