How Am I Doing?

In looking back, I write/wrote the most when I was in PA. And I think it's happening again with DE. It's my connection to you, my dear real friends and internet stalker friends. It makes me feel more at home.

These days are so slow. It's only been ... not a lot of days since David left. It feels very much like China did. Because when he was in China, he was in a different country, and internet was sketchy and it felt forever away. Good news is, he's not even that far from me right now. I could technically drive to him because at least we're on the same continent!

A lot of people wanna know how I'm doing. Let me be honest. I'm mostly being honest for selfish reasons. I want to look back at this post 6 months from now and smile at how silly it seemed. But for now, there is no laughing. Only a lot of crying.

I've been feeling the need lately to be validated. But really, who cares what you think right? Apparently I do. And I'm gonna open a can of worms here and say that I am surprised by the lack of sympathy/empathy from other milspouses (that's for you sister). I would think that with so many of them having been there done that, they would be much more inclined to whine with and for me. Ha. Alas, it is not so.

There was one woman who really sat with me in it. It was a gift from God I tell you. I saw her, no, she saw ME at the gas station. I was loading up my rambunctious kids (because in Germany, there is no paying at the pump. I know right?) and she came over and chatted with me for about 10 minutes. I swear to you, it's experiences like this that totally convince me there is someone out there watching out for me.  Because I so needed that. I told her how his deployment isn't technically that long and she said her friend once said, "If you get shot in the foot once, does it hurt less than if you get shot twice?" Probably not right? Does it matter that a loved one is gone 6 weeks or 6 months or a year? No. It doesn't matter to the person experiencing it. Take that unempathetic (I think I made that word up) spouses!

Maybe what I'm forgetting is that while many of these women/men have done deployments, I'm not sure many of them have done first duty stations, foreign, and deployments all within MONTHS of each other. I'm sure its happened. But it's a lot to take in.

So no, living in Germany has NOT proven as glamorous as it seems. I want to go back to honeymoon phase of loving Germany. That was when we first got here, were living in lodging on post, David wasn't working much and we got to travel a little bit.

Again, I am pretty sure these feelings will go away. Possibly once David gets back, and off of that stupid thing where he can't go anywhere for like ever, and we get to go cool places again.

For now, I'm gonna probably unfollow a bunch of peeps on da Facebook. It's summertime and everyone is traveling (US and European frens) and it's rough man! My traveling consists of the 25 minute drive on post to go to the PX! Woooooot! We got Skittles! Wooooooot!

J and J! 

No caption needed

Thanks Jared! 

1 comment

  1. Oh sweet friend, I'm so sorry it's been rough! I'm not even a full-time milspouse and I get annoyed with the lack of support and criticism of other spouses. I want to say its the younger generation, but sometimes the offenders are my age so that theory doesn't necessarily hold water. At any rate, I'm sorry and hope you can find people there who will support you and love on you. <3