If I could just take a minute to write about my life minus the sweet stuff, positive attitude, and fake happiness, I would super grateful. If for some reason you don't want to hear about the "pooooooorrr liiisssa" stuff, you might as well move on.
I understand that life is hard sometimes. I really do. But this hard? I don't think it's ever been this difficult for me. Let me explain why.
We moved. Everyone is aware of that. We did it in a week thinking that we had somewhat of a good plan. Plans changed and here we are. Homeless, poor, hot, miserable.
Homeless: Actually. Think about your life. Take away your home, and where would you be? How would you feel? It's a very strange sensation. I actually don't have a place that is mine. I know Jenny understands, but does anyone else? It's not fun. I don't have my own bathroom, my own bed, or my own kitchen. I don't have a place for Jackson and I think he understands that. I don't think he likes it either. I do have some good family that are willing to take us in, but none of them want us here/there for long. And they've said so. So that adds to my stress. "You can stay here, but only for this long." So once we wear out our welcome at one place, we will move on to the next. Any suggestions? I'm thinking that even an alleyway behind some nice buildings would be great.
Poor: Today was not a good day for the poorness. We have $60.00. Actually. That's after I paid my default credit card bill and before we have paid for our million dollar insurance premium. So basically we are negative again. Poor lisa. Literally.
Hot: Everywhere is hot. Phoenix is hot. It's hot in this house. It's just hot. And I have lots of insulation. It's called a one liter bottle of soda, or the baby in my belly.
Miserable: I just hate everyone.
Tomorrow, no sunday, is David's birthday. We are gonna go on a date tomorrow. What's that??? We are gonna hopefully do something super exciting like go to Kohl's and get him some pants. I have a coupon and there is a sale. So I'm hoping for 7 dollar jeans tomorrow. I'll let you know. Also, we might even go a little crazy and go to In n' Out or something. I know right? There goes our life savings. But it will be worth it because our savings from David being 25 will be so worth it (renting cars, car insurance). He will be a quarter century old!
Anyway, I guess it's not that bad. But it is bad. I think I didn't explain it well because I'm not in such a bad mood anymore. I have a very comfortable bed to sleep on. It has like 4 inches of memory foam on it... very conforming to el pregnito body.
It's hard though. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, I just wanna be heard. To reiterate, I don't like being poor and homeless. And I'm not a fan of being pregnant throughout it all either. I'm contracting a lot.
David felt the little one last night. For the first time he claims. I swear he felt her before we left PA. I miss PA.
Okay so I'm hot and tired. And the baby girl is moving a lot. Yay. I love her. Any my baby boy too. He is so sweet. He loves playing the guitar and passing the balls, and waving. Oh, he said Auntie the other day. Steph can attest to that. She was there. My goodness. I totally understand why people have babies now. They are SO entertaining and understanding.
"Don't be sad, just be happy." ------ Emilee, Age 3
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I have a 5th wheel you can move into if you can get to Alaska. That would solve the heat problem too since we are having the coldest summer on record.
ReplyDeleteSorry life sucks! I hear ya.
Oh Lisa, Lisa. I am sorry things havent gone as planned. I am not going to even try and say things to try and make you feel better. It does suck that you don't have your own space/kitchen/bed. And having absolutely no money? really, I would be in a bad mood all the time too. And all the contractions? of course "they" will tell you to drink more water. But, we all know its completley unrealistic. You have every right to hate everyone and be mad all the time. I miss you.
ReplyDeleteYou know, sometimes it's refreshing to know we are all miserable together. I saw you commented on magazineforldswomen.blogspot.com and so I followed the bread crumbs to your blog. And I love the way you write.
ReplyDeleteSo, even though I have never been in your position, I have often felt these desires to temporarily cease to exist. In 2007 alone, I was accepted to a really competitive veterinary technology program one week before we moved to Utah from Virginia to be near my stepson because "the wicked witch of the ex" (which my husband likes to call his former, lesser wife) was not taking good care of the boy (something about 6 cavities and molluscus). So we moved to Utah (putting $5000 on the credit cards to afford it)...and this was all about a month after my first miscarriage. We battled our new property managers on what seemed like a daily basis (not good to start out with your tenants moving into a house with month-old rotten easter eggs in a turned off fridge, bloody meat wrappers stuck in the ice maker, and a human's head-worth of hair stuck in the shower drain). Just a few months later, the Ex took us to court, sued for custody - and won - and I had my second miscarriage that day. A month after that my husband bought a $35,000.00 truck.
It was a crappy year. And, as you know, things WILL get better. But until they do, feel free to be angry, disappointed, frustrated, and guiltless when you eat a quart of ice cream in one sitting.
Good luck with the job hunt!