Sunday, July 22, 2012

I'm Back Beeyotches

I think it might be this whole summer experience.
David left. I mean, one minute he was here and the next he was gone for 3 months. Literally. The morning he said goodbye, I cried and he smiled. He was excited to take off on his new adventure and I was terrified. But I woke up the next day and did what I had to do. That very day, all of my anxiety and fear was gone. It was the anticipation that was killing me. Literally. I felt like I was going to have a breakdown every minute of the day before he left.

We're now 2 and a half months into it and I couldn't be better. For reals. (Jackson says that now). I feel more confident than I ever have. My relationship with David is better than ever!

Sorry to be braggy. But this is a huge moment for me!

I think it officially hit me yesterday sometime. I felt this overwhelming urge to write a blog titled "I'm back b!t&$#s" but I edited it for my readers. You know that's a saying right? Like, I'm back homies. lol. There is a fire within me that hasn't been there for a long time. It's been out. But it's there. And it's raging!

With this summer there have been challenges of all sorts. And I think, because I've gotten through them, I feel so much stronger. Almost like I can take on the world. And what this has to do with my confidence? I don't know. But I'm loving it.

And how did David and I get to this level of greatness that I keep telling everyone about? I don't know that either. But it's amazing. I know for him, he has had a lot of time to ponder and think about stuff. He is changed. We have changed.

I remember that I used to be a confident girl. I mean, I kind of always have been. But life and its experiences have worn me down like I'm sure they do for everyone. Just a little here, and a little there, they've chipped away at the confidence within me until there wasn't really anything there. To the outside world, I think I might have appeared the same. But people who know me, know that something's been missing.

But it's back! I feel like the girl I am supposed to be! I feel physically better! Emotionally better!

This is where I can officially say that this summer has been a blessing. I had been telling people that I was trying to consider it a blessing because a lot of couples won't have this chance to be away from each other... well it IS a blessing.

Don't think it's not hard. Every day is a challenge for me. Sometimes I just don't want to make another dinner and i don't want to change another diaper and I don't want to get up so often in the night. etc etc etc. But that won't last forever.

I'm hoping that what I have, and what WE have together, will.

This is literally hours! before he left! We went and saw the midnight premiere of The Avengers. Good stuff.

2 Opinion/Thoughts/Corrections from you:

  1. I sort of hate you, but I love you too much to hate you. But I'm really happy for you, but I feel jealous that your husband is coming back. lol And I have TWO kids in diapers. Ugh. And also, 16 days 'til he gets back! Craaazy! That flew by. I am so happy for your renewed vigor. Is that a good word? Vigor? :)

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  2. I'm so happy you've found your stride and regained your mojo. You go, girl!

    And 14 days? Huzzah! I'm so happy for you that he's coming back in two weeks. What an amazing thing you've done taking care of your world without him all this time. I hope you are proud of yourself. I am.

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