Sunday, July 22, 2012

I'm Back Beeyotches

I think it might be this whole summer experience.
David left. I mean, one minute he was here and the next he was gone for 3 months. Literally. The morning he said goodbye, I cried and he smiled. He was excited to take off on his new adventure and I was terrified. But I woke up the next day and did what I had to do. That very day, all of my anxiety and fear was gone. It was the anticipation that was killing me. Literally. I felt like I was going to have a breakdown every minute of the day before he left.

We're now 2 and a half months into it and I couldn't be better. For reals. (Jackson says that now). I feel more confident than I ever have. My relationship with David is better than ever!

Sorry to be braggy. But this is a huge moment for me!

I think it officially hit me yesterday sometime. I felt this overwhelming urge to write a blog titled "I'm back b!t&$#s" but I edited it for my readers. You know that's a saying right? Like, I'm back homies. lol. There is a fire within me that hasn't been there for a long time. It's been out. But it's there. And it's raging!

With this summer there have been challenges of all sorts. And I think, because I've gotten through them, I feel so much stronger. Almost like I can take on the world. And what this has to do with my confidence? I don't know. But I'm loving it.

And how did David and I get to this level of greatness that I keep telling everyone about? I don't know that either. But it's amazing. I know for him, he has had a lot of time to ponder and think about stuff. He is changed. We have changed.

I remember that I used to be a confident girl. I mean, I kind of always have been. But life and its experiences have worn me down like I'm sure they do for everyone. Just a little here, and a little there, they've chipped away at the confidence within me until there wasn't really anything there. To the outside world, I think I might have appeared the same. But people who know me, know that something's been missing.

But it's back! I feel like the girl I am supposed to be! I feel physically better! Emotionally better!

This is where I can officially say that this summer has been a blessing. I had been telling people that I was trying to consider it a blessing because a lot of couples won't have this chance to be away from each other... well it IS a blessing.

Don't think it's not hard. Every day is a challenge for me. Sometimes I just don't want to make another dinner and i don't want to change another diaper and I don't want to get up so often in the night. etc etc etc. But that won't last forever.

I'm hoping that what I have, and what WE have together, will.

This is literally hours! before he left! We went and saw the midnight premiere of The Avengers. Good stuff.

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