Monday, March 26, 2007

I haven't had much time to reflect this weekend on one of the most major events of my life. It's been a year since my dad passed away. It was a strange sensation to come home after a anniversary trip remembering that that was exactly what david and I had done when we found him a year ago. We walked in the door to our house to see him "sleeping" on the couch. I remember smiling at David because the radio was on the oldies station and the dart board was up on the wall. He was sitting on the couch. I went to wake him. But he didn't wake up.I knew he wasn't going to when I didn't hear the tick of his heart (he had a mitro valve? replacement).  It makes my own heart beat really fast to remember the whole thing. I hated it. I screamed at him to wake up. But he wouldn't. He didn't look sad, or hurt or anything. Just peaceful. It's a strange sensation you celebrate life and death all in the same weekend.

On a lighter note, my Pumas took 3rd place in our final competition of the season. Considering we lost a girl due to an injury, RIGHT before we went on (we love you Quiggle), 3rd place is much better than I expected. Well maybe not really since the girls are awesome. We spent the night in Harrisburg and it was a good time. A good ending to a long season. After that, being the crazy people we are, David and I decided to take a trip to Lancaster to see the Amish country. We then decided to go to Philly and then decided soon after that to go to Atlantic City (the Vegas of the East). It was a good time. Thanks to Jenny's mad planning skills, we got a hotel room for super cheap. In less than 24 hours we ate a Philly in Philly, saw the Ocean, went to a museum, walked the Boardwalk for miles (okay David pushed me in a wheelchair most of the way), ate at the Hard Rock Cafe, shopped, and drove all the way back to Lock Haven. It was a good time. Happy 2 years to us!!! I can't believe it's been so long. I feel super blessed to be married to the best man in the world. Really.

And now we're home. Back in the real world and ready to move on. Baby is coming soon. I felt him hiccup the other day for the first time. It's becoming kind of a regular thing. It's usually when I lay down for a nap (of course). He's a good one. And kicking away.

I love everyone. I LOVE Spring. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Spring. I can't say it enough. It's a new beginning.

I love you Dad. 

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

It's been a long long long day, not to mention a long week. I must say that for the duration of my pregnancy thus far, I have been pretty good about keeping my emotions in tact. Today though, I had a breakdown. I just could not stop crying. I have a reason.

I made a big decision. I am here in AZ for my final visit. I really am. You may chuckle outloud and say "yeah right" but it's true. It's not worth the heartache and tears and dissapointment. I came here prepared for what I knew was going to happen. I knew that several people close to me would not make the effort to see or spend time with me? Selfish? Maybe. Do I care? No.  Yes, I had expectations, which according to Steph, "always leads to letdowns." Seriously though, anyone who travels 2500 miles to see friends and family, and tells them in advance, should be able to expect some type of effort from those they love. Don't you think? I do.

I appreciate the friends of mine who traveled so far to see me. I am grateful. I am also greatful for all the thoughts and things that came my way as well.

As I got to thinking a little more on the subject, somewhere I heard a quote about the word "but". Someone said that when you say "but" in a sentence it cancels out everything you just said before. I've experienced way too many buts for one day. I am so done.

And so I cried. I even told David that if he ever wants to come back here with me, he's gonna have to drag me here. I won't come back willingly. Ever. It's not worth it. Not when I have a family in PA who actually loves me and cares about me and misses me. Thank you to you all. You know who you are.

Now, some of you may think I am referring to you in this blog. Don't get all riled up. It's really only a handful of people that I am "speaking" about in reference to the above mentioned issues. I thought about writing about all the issues with those people in this public blog. But I will make it a private one so I don't hurt anyone's feelings.
If I have been a bad friend lately, I am sorry. I do love you. Amen.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

What's going on with everyone? No one blogs anymore. I decided that I really need to get back on this train because it's a good one. I want to have memories and journal entries that my baby can read or something. Yeah. I am happy that Shannon and Jenny posted some blog-o's. Those are good ones.

I went to my 27th week apointment today. I'm the right size (in the belly) and doing well. It's good news. I swear baby Nickle is gonna be a soccer player or something. He's kicking a lot and he sure tells me when he's upset about me eating too much or something. It's so much fun though.

I hate homework. I haven't done any all week and I'm still complaining. It's probably because I have a headache and haven't had any caffeine all day. I know. Quit judging me. My baby likes it.

There are so many things I want to say about so many topics. Let's talk about globalization for awhile. I am taking this super hard class and all we are talking about is globalization. It's a good time. okay. I don't want to talk about it anymore because my head hurts.

The Amish roofed and shingled our house in a day and a half. CRAZY huh? I would love to take pictures but I just don't think my camera phone will cut it and I don't have my digital camera. I am not bitter. Oh wait. Yes I am.

I want to play Ecuador or Costa Rica or whatever Shannon's new game is called. I keep thinking today is Friday even. It's not. Tomorrow is. I have Acc. tomorrow.

This is the end of my blog. Spring Break starts in a few days. Whoop whoop. Then I am headed for some good times in AZ with Share-uh and my sisters and family. I loke everyone.