Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Happy 9th birthday my sweet girl!

Oh how I love you! I can't believe how much you've grown over the year, in more ways than one. The thing that surprises me most about you is how brave you've gotten. Just the other night you went out into the dark garage and into the dark night to get something out of the dark car. As soon as you walked out the door, Daddy and I looked at each other like what is happening? A year ago or even a few months ago, that never would have happened. We didn't say a thing about it, but we are so proud of you! 

I'm so proud of how willing to try new things you are even if it makes you uncomfortable. We started a typing class today and I knew it was nerve-wracking for you to have people watching you but you did it and you succeeded so very much in it. You go girl!

I'm thankful for how helpful you are. You are always usually willing to do anything we ask of you. You help our your brother and you help out your sister and you especially help out me and your dad. Thank you for that.

I love that you love cooking and that is all thanks to your dad. For breakfast the other day you made pumpkin muffins, eggs, country potatoes and bacon. Jackson even helped. 

Your favorite foods are crepes, biscuits and gravy, pizza rolls, and sugar daddies. You'll try some things but don't have any fear of saying you don't like it. :-)

Today you dyed your hair blue! I'm so glad you are fearless when it comes to making stylistic choices. I think this will serve you well in the future. It looks adorable and will go well with your red or pink lips you so often wear...almost daily.

I love watching you dance and do gymnastics and roller blade and paint. I love watching you try and succeed and even try and not do so well (which doesn't happen very often but it's okay that it does and will).

Thank you for choosing our family. I feel entirely thankful that God has given me (and your Dad) stewardship of you in this life. I feel thankful that we get to have your old soul in our lives to teach us and guide us in all of the things that parenting offers. I love you Sadie Faye! Always and forever!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Last night David and I watched a violent movie. In the beginning, it showed a montage of videos from the 1980's where the Berlin Wall was featured. People protesting and picketing. It showed a particularly poignant clip from a speech President Reagan gave in which he said, "Tear down this wall!" and then right after that words came across the screen that said something about how in 1989 after years of fighting and division, the wall would come down. And then, in true 80's form, neon stenciled words were painted on the screen that said, "This is NOT that story."

Just a few minutes ago I was laying in my bed with David on one side, Sadie on the other side of him on the floor, and Nevie on the floor next to me. Nevie asked if she could hold my hand to which I said of course. David then slowly and delicately clutched my hand and brought it closer to his body. As I lay there, thoughts of love and peace came quickly into my mind as I smiled gently and squeezed the hands of those of whom I was holding.

Jk. This is not that story.

This is not the story of the awareness I have for people who may never get to experience the blessings I have in my life of children and a husband who love me. I think of those people every day. But this is not that story. 

Behind the scenes, I was desperate for escape. I thought about waiting until they had all fallen asleep to make my way back into the comfort of my cave in the late night (the living room) but Nevie seemed to tire of holding my hand and she let go. Phew. I thought it was a sign from mini-Pope. So I gave David a kiss on the cheek mouth and came down to my sanctuary.

Today has been a particularly rough day. Not because my children are bad. Not because anything went wrong (although I have some words for the customer service of Skype) but because I need a break. I need a break from the mundane. I need a human-free escape. No offense. Kind of.

I was going to message my friend and tell her I was having a mental breakdown and that I was telling her because then if I did actually have one, people might think I was less crazy because at least I acknowledged it. Right?

I homeschool my kids. I'm mostly with them 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. It's hardly less than that. I've been struggling with that lately. I need something that is all mine. I want a class. Or a night of the week. Or 1 hour every day. And sure, it's totally up to me to create that space. But is it? Because it seems like when I do, something inevitable happens. I want the universe to create it for me. Is that too much to ask? lol.

I mean my kids are old enough to fend for themselves when I need to pee. Yet it still happens to be the most popular time of the day.  I literally don't get two minutes to myself and this isn't a Basic Girl use of the word. It's literal. Except not really because there are times when I am cleaning the kitchen and for some reason, no one wants to be around me then. I guess I should change it to, most of the time I don't get two minutes to myself.

For now, I'm going to soak up this time late at night when all is quiet and watch the show that makes everyone cry. I really like that story.