Friday, October 29, 2010

Shut up. I know what you are thinking. "She is so lame if she can't handle 2 kids." K but listen. My 2 kids are 17 months apart. And my oldest one is 3.42 years old. And they are a handful! After all, they are my offspring!

So we go to the store today. And it's an experience for sure! I'm a good mom and I let my kids ride in the buslike carts with a vehicle on the front.  You know the ones with all the germs on them? Normally they last awhile riding in them. No. Not this time. Jackson was literally dragging his body outside the cart because I refused to stop. I just wasn't giving in to him wanting to "push" the cart, a.k.a drive it like a race car.

I'm that mom you hate at the store. The one that lets her kids sit on TOP of the car, and hang off the side of the cart. Because frankly, it's so much easier. I just want to get my milk and eggs (and brownie mix, and bananas, and yogurt, onion soup mix, marinara sauce, sour cream, and the 3 boxes of twinkies that my kids threw in for good measure). So instead of putting up a fight, I just let it be.

At least when we got to the bakery, in order to get the free cookie, I told them they had to get off of whatever part they were hanging on. They did! They even said please and thank you. After about 2 minutes, those delicious sugar cookies were wasted on the bottom of the germ infested cart. Sad day.

Let's not forget about checking out!  I hate grocery store checkouts more than anything in this whole world. It's so contradictory! Let's flood people with images of skinny beeyotches and then tempt them (and their children) with confectionary bliss. Good idea people. Ugh. It pisses me off. My favorite quote of all time from a movie is one from 13 Going on 30.

Young Jenna Rink: I don't want to be beautiful in my own way. I want to look like these people (pointing to magazine).
Beverly Rink: Oh those aren't people honey, those are models.

OMG. Does no one else think that line is so funny? Or is it really just me? Even amid the craziness, I escaped without a scratch. But Sadie didn't. She was working her way into people to get to the dreaded Rolos. She prefers to rip the gold tinfoil to shreds (they are the only candy wrapper she can open). Anyway,  she totally pushed this huge guy out of the way, and at about that time I had had enough. So I took her by her arm and accidently smacked her head on the cart. It was sad. You can imagine the stares of people as I'm walking out. Tomorrows headline reads, "Mother Abuses Child in Safeway Checkout Line: Sentenced to Life in Prison" Please? Can I? Just kidding.

I do love my kids. But that doesn't mean they are easy.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I ignored the first call, but answered the second.
          "Hey. Can I borrow 5 bucks for gas to Phoenix?" he asked mildly.
          "Sure. Where are you?" I responded.
          "At the Texaco in Prescott."
          "I'm in Prescott as well. I'll see you in a few."

He had never asked for money before. I was happy to give it to him but it was still odd that he asked.  I knew he was headed to Phoenix to get the last of his belongings from Stephs house.

I pulled up as he sat waiting against his Chevy. A Blazer, I think. Not his, but my sisters. He stood with his hands in his pockets wearing a tattered black and red flannel shirt, and a Raiders hat. And his moccasins. Always his moccasins. I approached him with a hug. He smelled like vanilla and cigarette smoke. The smell of those little tree air fresheners have always been a staple in my memories of him.

          "I'll be right back," I said as I walked to the inside of the gas station. I picked up a Gatorade for him and a diet coke for me.
          "15 on pump 4 please," I asked the clerk at the register. I handed her cash. A ten, a five, and some ones for the drinks. I don't normally have cash. But that day I did.

I walked back outside and started pumping the gas for him. He kept his head down.

          "You didn't have to do that," he said finally looking at the numbers on the pump.
          "I know. But I wanted to," I said, "Drive safe okay?"
          "I will" he replied finally looking in my eyes, "Thank you," he said quietly.

I hugged him tight and told him I loved him. He told me he loved me too. I was walking back to my car when he said,

"I promise you I'm getting my ducks in a row."

Those were the last words he spoke to me face to face before he died.

I am shaking as I write this, because I am not a writer. I don't know how to write. I don't know the correct formatting, what's "good" and what's "not good". I don't pretend to know. These are just my words. The way I thought them.  I've mentioned before that I want to write my story. I decided my blog is the best place to start. I've started in my journal as well. For some reason, this memory continues to stick in my head. So I'm writing it down as part therapy, part journaling, part letting go.

Definition of Memoir 

A memoir is a piece of autobiographical writing, usually shorter in nature than a comprehensive autobiography. The memoir, especially as it is being used in publishing today, often tries to capture certain highlights or meaningful moments in one's past, often including a contemplation of the meaning of that event at the time of the writing of the memoir. The memoir may be more emotional and concerned with capturing particular scenes, or a series of events, rather than documenting every fact of a person's life (Zuwiyya, N. 2000).

I can't drive past that gas station on the way to Phoenix without reliving this moment. It still hurts my heart. Not as much as the last voicemail he left, on the day that he died, the one I deleted midway through....

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I have a headache. Again, it might be the caffeine, or lack of water. Or maybe the lack of sleep. Maybe all those things?

It's time to let it all out. Listen, I know we all hate our jobs sometimes. But lately, I really don't like mine. For the last while after coming home from work David has asked, "How was work?" My response? "Dumb." What does that mean? It means it was dumb. Just dumb is all. He said today that he can't wait for the day when 'dumb' is NOT my answer. I wonder if it will ever happen. I am sort of expecting it to soon. Hurry up SAT people. We need those results!

I really did like my job. Until I realized I listen to people complain. All. Day. Long. About trash. Really? Is that what people like to do in their spare time? Harass their utility people? I wonder what kind of calls the electric company gets. "My lights were flickering today. I hate you because of that. Give me a refund." Can you imagine?

This are the words from an actual message I got today.

Wife: Hello this is Mrs. Mckday at  uh......
Husband in background: 3560 N. Blah Road.
Wife: 3560 W Blah Rd. and our garbage hasn't been picked up. So I was wondering why it hasn't been picked up.
Husband in background: Every time we gotta call
Wife: So it seems like every time that its supposed to be picked up we hafta to call you to come and pick it up. So if you don't want to pick our garbage up, we are going to get somebody else.

The end. No goodbye, no nothin.

K. First of all, they have been customers since 2001 and this is the 2nd time we have missed them. Second. Second time in 9.5 years! So "Every time we gotta call".. uh really? And I'm sorry we are going through some changes right now. Give me a break. Ugh.

Secondly, have your dumbace husband call if he has such a problem with it. What's with these men who don't have the balls to call? Speaking of men without balls, this other woman calls today to set up service. She can't decide on a payment plan until talking to her husband. She calls him, and then calls me back to get more information that HE wanted. She calls him again, calls me back and then lets me know (after I've set up her account, put her on the list to have her can delivered) that "they" made other arrangements. Don't worry, they made them with our competition. GRRRRRRR!!!!

BUT! There was a compliment today. This one guy called to let me know he was sending a payment (after he received a letter gently reminding him he hadn't paid). I told him we felt bad about even sending the letter because he has been such a good payer in the past. He asked me if I was married. And I said yes. He then said, "Aw that's too bad. I wish my wife was as forgiving as you are." I'm not sure he meant to be a creeper/cheater. I actually thought he was being funny. David, if you are reading this, you don't have to perform that violent act you always mention when you think a guy is hitting on me.

As a side note: Do you think it's an oxymoron to take my vitamins with a diet Coke?

I'm not sure I'm ready to post this. But I am going to. It's sort of lame. But I am tired and I have to do a lot of items. Maybe I'll do 2 posts in one day! Whoop. Later though.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Tonight, it was a Red Scion. A sports car type. Yup again, I am at the library. This stupid ace math project is going to kill me.

I don't want to write about this. But I told you I would so I will.

Remember the private news? It's literal private news. As in, my privates. Wow. TMI.

The news is... I got my IUD out!

Which means;

WE'RE HAVING .................

Protected SEX!

lol. Again. TMI. But oh well. Thats what you get when you read my blog.

So anyway, this was decided (the getting the IUD out thing) because I was having some irregularity with it. I've had it for about 2 years and it was just not getting normal. (I had this one)

I'm not sure whether I will continue to advocate for it. But I loved it for a good reason. I didn't have to think about it! It was just there. Automatic birth control. Who wouldn't love that?

Well, it came time to have it out. And now i hate my life. It's been 3 days and I want it back. Not necessarily the IUD. But something to make me feel normal!

I don't want to give you too much gross information but I might anyway. I am bleeding like a freak. Gross. That's so gross.

I was really hoping to not to bc for awhile to just let my body 'heal' if you will, from the weirdness it's been through for the last FOREVER. However, I was thinking in the future and asked my doc to give me a perscription for some low dose bc. Looks like i'll be visiting Wal-greens tomorrow.

Many people think birth control is evil or something. And that makes me worried. In fact, when I grow up, I want to be an educator of people. On birth control and protected sex. I'm not an idiot and neither are kids these days. Of course i am an advocate for abstience but let's face it, it's not happening for the majority of teenagers. Therefore, I am going to travel the world and teach kids (even and especially LDS ones) about birth control and sex in general. We don't talk about it enough. Really. It's so true. That's another topic in itself.

I talked to my sis-in-law about natural bc. it seems like a lot of work. Is it worth it? What about the non hormone releasing IUD? Does anyone have experience with that? Give me some feedback ladies (and gents if you want!) What works for you? What doesn't work for you?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tonight I parked next to a VW Beetle. One of the cute ones. With flowers next to the steering wheel.

That's right. I'm in the library again!! missing out on time with my family and with my husband all because of a massively hard math project. It's Calculas and Finite Mathematics with Applications. ??? Yeah. My fingernails are green and so is my brain. As in, I can't think  much right now. Because all I want to be doing is eating starbursts and watching 90210. I also wish I could go to the gym. They have TV's on their treadmills. i miss Jersey Shore. I am SO behind. Isn't there only like a couple episodes left? Or are they all done now? See? So behind!

These jerks in the library are blasting music. Isn't that like, against the rules? I am tempted to go ask the guy sitting at the front desk to please ask them to turn it down but I don't want to be the school nerd. So instead I'll just plug my head into my own earphones. Rudes.

I have a headache. From a lack of water, or too much sugar. Or maybe it's because I had to work today and we did billing. It could be my stress level as well. Or my period.

Ooooh speaking of which.... I need to talk to you. About something personal. Are you ready? Wait. I just changed my mind. I'll write about that later. But stay tuned because this is something you will definitely want to know about.

I'm going to work on my all to stressful project. Sadie wore mascara today. She loves it. Jackson wears nailpolish on his toes. He likes it.

My hubby got his fancy Army suit today. He told me they are changing the color of it from that dark green to Navy blue. He looks hot in it. I wish I had a picture.

For real now, I am going. But remember to check back for important private news!

I read off the cars in the parking lot to my sister and we laughed as I pulled next to a Mercedes Bluetec. Seriously? Did you even know those existed?  Maybe because I live in Paulden? I'm the one with the ghetto Toyota: misangled headlights, non-existent hubcaps and more!

We also laughed at the fact that we are both close to a zero balance in our checking accounts. Okay fine, I'm negative. But I went to Ross tonight and took back an article that I hope will recover me to at least above 0! lol. If not, that's okay because I can overdraw tomorrow (with direct deposit, it's possible! Do I sound like a bank ad?) 

I sort of can't understand how some people just have the money. And some don't. My sister joked with me as well about how she was going to divorce her husband just so she could get food stamps and medical benefits. I joke about it too, because I really can appreciate it! I've been lucky (?) to be poor enough to reap the benefits (literally).

I don't really get it though... the way it all works. How my sisters hubby can work SO hard and STILL have to pay out the butt for health insurance. NOT FAIR. Shouldn't they get a break because they contribute so much to taxes? Ugh. I hate it.

Also, I really really really do hate HOA's. Like forever. And always. I will NEVER be a part of one. They're like a cult. That's another story for another day. They are REALLY stealing peoples money.

Lots of Caps lock in this post. I might be fired up. I also might be a bit jittery from an overdose of caffeine but I'm not sure.

The library people are coming after me again. it's 11:50. Last time, they cut me off. They started this count down. "364 seconds until your computer shuts off " and then WHAM it happened only 30 seconds later. Stupid.

There are some free magazines in the entrance of the library. Some Us weeklys from like 2009. And Ebony. Oooh I think I'll get those ones.

Anxiety is coming upon me. I'm the only one left. I better get out of here before this computer self destructs.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I am not crafty. I only pretend to be.

I am not an ERAU student. I only pretend to be.

These are the things on my mind today. I am at the ERAU library pretending to fit in.  I am sneakily looking around me to see if anyone is reading what i am writing. If they are, they are finding out my secrets. I am a mere observer of these students so diligently working on projects for Engineering or Air Science class or like the kid next to me, playing games on

You see, my husband attends this school and therefore feel I am entitled to use his popularity to my advantage. These kids, this school? It's amazing. Free newspapers, and software, and water bottles everywhere. It's awesome.

I could ask any of the students around me and they would no doubt be able to complete my math project without any trouble. But, as David said, "Anyone who is at the library at 11:30 at night has something to do" which makes me afraid to even ask. So instead, I will work on it myself. It's really hard. Can someone please help me? Or at least feel bad for me?

Do you want to see my craft? I sort of don't care if you don't. Because right now I feel like being a Bragging Blogger. Generally, I despise anyone who spends most of their blog posting and talking about the things they have made. Unless that is the point of the blog, in which case i don't even read/know about it.

The library is closing in 10 minutes. They will shut me off if I don't hurry. I want you to see my craft!

Seriously? I did that. Don't laugh. It really was a lot of work. I busted out my scissors, used my table and glued the edges. Yes I said glue. I have some "liquid needle" stuff. It's AWESOME! If you haven't used or heard of it, you better get some. But don't tell anyone my secret.

I'm so cool huh? I like this because it's not only a curtain, but a piece of art. We never open that window because our neighbors house is like 4 feet away. I'm not exaggerating. Well, a little bit I am. But the house is really close. And if we opened it up, they would look in. And I have privacy issues. Oh, and the sun is always shining in that window. No matter the time of day, it's always sunny.

8 more minutes until I can't write anymore. I'm typing super fast now.

Wait! The guy over the intercom just said 5 minutes! Aaaaahhhh.

I'm not done with my thoughts but I better go. I have a lot more to say but I guess you'll just have to wait until tomorrow.

Comment on my curtains. Right now. Well, don't. Because that's not what I'm looking for. But I AM proud!! lol.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

This makes me feel happy. Jackson requested The Gooey Geyser and David (the good dad he is) just threw in Dora and Boots. Yes, thats Dora and Boots.

Speaking of which, where are Doras parents? I know they exist cause her mom had twins (a boy and a girl) but do they not care that she is out dodging alligators and volcanos? I never thought about this fact until a good friends mom brought it up. She pointed out the absence of parents in other popular shows as well.

But thankfully my kids like the shows with parents, or the implied parents. The Backyardigans at least are in their backyard and their moms make them snacks (healthy ones too!)

Thomas doesnt have parents. So I guess its not true that they only like parental shows. I think Ill let it slide.

I'll have to ask David to draw The Backyardigans.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

It’s midlife crisis time again. Are you ready?

Woke up today to the sound of rain… song right? It’s true. It was about 6:30. I pressed snooze about 5 times (the maximum number of times my phone lets me). And I laid there. Next to me were the 2 most beautiful creatures ever! It was my Jackson and my Sadie, both sleeping soundly (in the same position!). I got up, stared at them a little longer and realized that I had to wake them! I hate waking sleeping kids (especially mine).

All this, because I had to be to work on time. Work. That’s another story.

I miss my kids! The days I work 2 days, and am off 2 days are my favorite. I have a whole day to spend with them! Granted, at the end of the day I still may want to tear my hair out. But who doesn’t right? And if you don’t, let me know. Cause I’ll probably slap you. Seriously I’ll come over to your house and pull your hair out for you. Wow. That’s violent. Okay, even for me it’s not always like that. Some days we can go a whole hour without anyone crying. And SOME days we can go the whole day without water all over the floor or crumbs in my cleavage.

Back to the sentimentalness. There are things that dad just can’t do! David says to me the other day, “Did you know Jackson knows his colors?” Um, yes! I taught him! Or maybe Dora did. Either way, numbers and letters and objects and foods, and manners… those generally come from mom. Don’t hate if it’s not true for you. This is my version of life remember?

There are so many moments I just know I am missing out on. Oooh funny story. We were all at work today (kids and I) and Jackson was hanging out with Grandpa George (our mechanic). George comes in and says, “I think he needs to go pee pee. Cause he’s wigglin around and grabbin’ it and stuff.” So I’m standing in the bathroom helping him get his pants down and I ask George to make sure he doesn’t leave because “Jackson wants to go with you.” Everyone in the building started cracking up. It took me a long time to realize why it was funny. Even now, it’s not that funny to me. Do you get it?

In conclusion, I love my kids.

Monday, October 4, 2010

I don't know why, but I've felt especially serious lately. I have a lot of funny things to say, but not really funny things. Today was a serious day in that I waited 7 hours for someone to come jump my car for me. As in, hook up the cords to my battery to make it start. I sent a few texts out saying "I am waiting for someone to come jump me." Uh, that doesn't sound right.

Instead, while waiting, I spent the day enjoying my kids! We were all anxious to leave but that doesn't mean we didn't enjoy some Kai-Lan and pizza pockets. The rainy weather (thunder and lightening included) increased the snuggliness of my kids and I am definitely not sad about that.

We don't have internet at home right now nor do we have Satelitte TV or Cable. So reading and watching movies is what we do. It helped that the house is mostly clean so really, it was a GREAT day. Do I sound boring right now? Yeah I do.

In light of the boringness, let's talk about something NOT boring. Like my TI-83 Plus calculator. I am so grateful to have it. But the batteries keep running out so fast! Can you help? I need it. I take math class. Math is hard and fun. I like math.

Also (this is becoming random), I have chapped lips. Is that the weather change?

Book club is tomorrow. Who is coming??? If you can't come to this one, come to the next one. I'll let you know what we are reading when it's announced. Whoever is hosting gets to pick the next book. Whoop. Well, David is coming to get me. It's still raining! I love it.

Should I go to the gym? I don't want to. But I probably will.